Am I the only one who is making an effort to control my temper? It is certainly no easy feat when the people around me are not doing the same because it is stifling to hold my tongue and put up with it.

I am starting to detach myself from situations which make me unhappy until I decide on the best way to approach them. These are the times where I just want to be alone and it is becoming more frequent. I really do think that I need to sort myself out internally before I can tackle the issues which are starting to bother me.

The real villian here is the symptoms which afflict a woman monthly, but perhaps it runs deeper than that. I am starting to feel restless and I need the serenity and the wisdom to know what to do.

I usually take the time to reflect on the events of my day and today is no exception. To cut a long story short, I had a crap day at work. It is one of those days where a lot of things go wrong and all of a sudden, I am swamped with a million and one issues to tackle. Individually, they are small matters, but put them all together, and it becomes quite a handful.

I had to handle the mess that someone left behind when she quit the company. The client that she pissed off happens to be the most difficult and problematic one and had a history of giving the sales team a hard time. There were a lot of unresolved issues and it was only today that I found out how bad it was. I informed the managers and I did whatever I was instructed to do. Doing damage control is one thing, but suddenly I find myself bearing the brunt of their anger, just because they have no one else to be angry with. A classic case of the messenger getting shot, how very convenient.

If anything, I absolutely hate rude people and getting bullied unfairly. As no one from the sales team was re-assigned to take over the contract, I was tasked to try and handle the irate client and relay messages from the top. I did my best to accommodate them, putting up with the tirade til it got to the point where I became so fed up that I gave them back the attitude.

I am not a sales person and I do not know their protocol, neither am I someone who can make decisions. Yet, I was put in this very awkward position to get fired at just because I happen to be the messenger. I was majorly pissed off but in hindsight, I could have handled the situation better. I guess there are still many things for me to learn and taking people's shit without retaliating is one of them. I learnt that during my stint as a stewardess but I seem to have forgotten. However, I admit that I could have controlled my temper a little better.

The matter was settled by one of the managers, as it should have been from the very beginning so the chapter is closed. I had to handle some other stuff which threw me off a little because things were not handed over properly but there was not much drama there. Still, I am not feeling very happy. Tonight, I will talk to God and ask him to grant me the serenity and the wisdom to handle things better in the future.


and there was no one to take ownership of the contract.

Just yesterday, he told me he had something to say to me but that it was not the right time to do so. 09/09/09, he said the 3 golden words for the first time, a day which bears special significance to me in more ways than one. My heart has been touched deeply.

=)

Just something to share...

"Moving With the Cloud

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Thursday, September 03 2009

"Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out." Numbers 9:21b

God brought the Israelites out of Egypt, and they had to pass through the desert on their way to the Promised Land. God was their guide by means of a cloud that appeared overhead. When it moved, they moved. When it stopped, they stopped - sometimes a day, a week, even a year.

Imagine living with the uncertainty of this situation. One day you work at getting your "house" in order, only to have to pick up the stakes and move. Your ability to plan is totally gone. But even greater is the temptation to move when the cloud did not move because you felt it was time to move. For the Israelites, perhaps the grass was no longer green. Perhaps the water was not easily accessible. Perhaps the bugs were a problem. Whatever the case, they were strictly prohibited from moving if the cloud did not move.

It is still the same today. We are not to move unless the Holy Spirit instructs us to do so. We are not to make that business deal on the basis of whether or not it makes sense, but on the leading of the Holy Spirit's "cloud" in our life. It is a difficult process to move only when we are directed, and to remain if we are not. The pressure is always upon us to move, to plan, to act. But if we act, we may move into a place where the presence of God may not be. Hence, the rub. The Christian workplace believer must learn to move when God says move; it is a sign of complete surrender and dependence on God's Spirit to direct our steps.

Ask God today if you are sitting under His cloud. Or, have you moved when He said stand still? He will show you. "

This post resonates deeply with my beliefs and this precisely why I make certain choices in my life, to do or not to do. If the feeling is not right, I will stay put. I have learnt to be still and move only when the Holy Spirit tells me to. The time will come, soon enough.

I am trying to psyche myself for the beginning of next week as yet another great weekend comes to an end. I could really get used to this but I know better than to do that because I know I might start taking it for granted. Instead, I will just live for the moment and enjoy the happy times as they come along, as if I am experiencing them for the first time.

Sent my brother off at the airport today, though he will only be gone for 4 months, he will definitely be missed. Still, his exchange program in Canada will be a great experience, lucky him! Oh the opportunity to travel to neighbouring states and countries! It is something I have always wanted to do, with good company of course. I did not have a chance to do that when I was Perth. The training was intensive and there was the ever existing time and cost factor. Also, not forgetting that there was a strict curfew to adhere to. Oh well, there will definitely be a chance to do so in the near future because I can just see it coming!

I have been squeezing in the time to tickle the ivories whenever I can, it is a skill I do not want to lose and I still enjoy my music. I must make more effort learn new songs to add to my repertoire. Someday I would like to buy a better piano for myself, preferably in white, that would be a real beauty.

The Lord has been good to me and everyday when I wake up, I am thankful for all the blessings he has bestowed onto me. I must treasure these precious and defining moments of my life and the best is yet to come.

God is good. This is real and now I truly understand what it is supposed to feel like... I know I have found what has been missing for so long when everything just clicks neatly into place. There were no mind games, second-guessing, disappointments and bullshit. None.

I am glad I had the sense to hold out for what I want and go with the flow when it is time. The happiness that emanates from my soul is pure and deep down in my heart, I know that this is right. Life is just about to get better.

=) The smile says it all.

This is my favourite time of the night... where I would get under the covers of my bed and reflect on my thoughts for the day.

It is all out in the open now, my mom has told my relatives about my licence and they had many nice, positive things to say. Which is fine I suppose, but if they had known about my intentions BEFORE I made it, I am pretty sure they will not be singing the same tune.

There was a lot I had to say, but I lost my train of thought after chatting with people over MSN while I was trying to write. I will leave the rest for next time.

I am feeling generally happy and blessed abd there is a lot to look forward to. I am eager to see how the rest of my life will pan out, I have a good feeling about this. All I have to do is be still and believe.

My brain cells have definitely been put to good use these days. There are just so many things to think about, with regards to work. More importantly, I need to decide on the next step I need to take to towards my ultimate goal. I suppose it is a good thing to keeps the mind active, as they say an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

There is a tonne of information that I need to process and I am not yet at the level where I can function independently. It will all fall into place once I can see how everything fits to form the big picture. Also, I have been tasked to come up with 2 advertisements for marketing purposes. I have so many things to do that I do not have much spare capacity left for creativity.

I will take it positively, all these are challenges and it is nothing I cannot handle. So yeah, I will be more methodical in the way I do things. The 'ABBA' that I have gotten used to does not exist in the corporate world so I will have to rely on myself and my own system, which can best described as organized chaos.

Oh well, there is a reason for everything... a saying which has irritated me somewhat, having heard it one too many times. However, I am beginning to understand. I have a very strong feeling that God has placed me where I am now, for a purpose and though I do not see it now, I am certain it will all be revealed in due time.

The Lord tells me to be still and to hold out for I really want, so I will believe Him and trust with my heart. May the inner voice that guides me resonate with His will.

So fucking tired, time for bed.

A pair of dark, woeful eyes burned into me as I was washing the dishes just now. Coming back home to my two lovely doggies is definitely one of those things that will make me smile at the end of a tiring day.

It was a better day at work today. I have gotten into the grove of things and am getting used to corporate life. I have not started on my actual role yet but I was kept busy throughtout the day.

It is a pain in the ass having to think about what to wear everyday, how I miss my uniforms! Hopefully, it won't be long now before I get to don one again.