I am afraid of waking up after I fall asleep because whatever I feel is compounded a thousand-fold. I am but a shadow and my spirit is faint, but restless. There seems to be little respite in what I used to find solace in.

Dear God

Thank you for allowing me rest in your spirit and providing me with a reprieve from the weariness, for I am not as strong as I thought I was.I do not question your intentions, nor do I resent. All that is left is a gaping void that is filled with sadness.

I know that in time to come, you will mend my broken spirit and release me from the pain. Come what may, I trust that you know what is best, so let your will be done. With each painful lesson, I know that something good will come out of it. Lord, I place my faith in your wisdom. Please grant me the courage to brave this storm.

Although I am hurting in yet another dark moment of my life, I know that in the end, everything will be ok. If it is not ok, it is not the end. In Jesus's mighty name I humbly pray.

Amen.

Steeling myself as my world crashes around me. Yes, I am broken and lost but trudge on I must, a lonely march, seeking answers to my questions... wondering if I did the right thing. I have got to accept the outcome. I have already started to.