Monday, June 30, 2008

Much of my time is spent on a deep conversation with myself and God. Many of my thoughts are fleeting, but every once in a while, I will mull over those that seem to be trying to tell me something.

I have come across nearly all types of people and there will always be that occasional handful that piss the shit out of me, people whom I simply cannot feel the love for. Why can't everyone be nice and get along with one another? Why are there vindictive people who take pleasure in talking shit and hurting others? Why are there such wicked and manipulative people? There are so many whys and the questions are never ending. I have always wondered why God allowed such hateful people to exist.

Then I came to a chapter in this book about leading a purpose driven life and I got my answer. If everyone is nice and kind to us, it easy to love them back and accord the same treatment in return. But God is the God of love and He wants us all to have enough grace to love and be kind to those whose hearts are tainted by malice and those who derive sadistic pleasure in hurting others. There are many lessons to be learnt here. A grudge is like a thorn in the heart and resentment and envy is like a fog that clouds one's vision. But forgiveness and love is like a light that radiates and lifts the spirit. Nabei, it is not easy but it is really not as difficult as I thought it would be. The person who bears the ill feelings is the one who is suffering anyway, not me. So yes, forgive I can do but I am still learning to feel the love. All in good time, no?

It is the things that I don't have much of that I really treasure. Material things are nice to have but not a need. I get bored easily. Being the major poot that I am, once I get something that I have been coveting, I just don't treasure it that much anymore. Isn't that so typical of human nature? Speaking of which, I have a ton of clothes, shoes, accessories and toiletries which I have to leave behind. I will be forced to survive on about 40kg worth of possessions.

Now that life is simplified, I do feel so much happier.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Poor Nicky Cha, he is one sought after hot dog. He is devious crook when it comes to bullying me and my mama into giving him food and bringing him for a walk. However, when my neighbour's Golden Retriever tried to rape him the other day, I could see the look of puzzled innocence in his eyes. It's weird because they are both male and he only goes for my Nicky Cha.

Even at home, he is not spared. When he is lying down, minding his own business, Miko would come up to him, grab him from the side and hump him. She also has this weird fetish of sitting on his nose when he is sleeping. Wassup with that man!?!

I cannot believe it, 7 years old and zero instinct to reproduce. Even male dogs that have been sterilized still try and get funky sometimes. The only thing he knows is to bark up a storm when he wants to get his way, or offer me his paw in exchange for food. I will surely miss my dogs and their antics when it is time for me to leave.

Oh well, need to get my preparations done early. I need a new pair of running shoes. The ones I have, have lost their ability to absorb impact and is causing my knee to hurt when I run. I want to run at least 3 times a week to keep fit. So having said that, other than a few irritating people who pop up every now and then to annoy me, life is good. There is no looking back now.
Some people's existence are not worth giving two hoots about. I mean like seriously... bitching about people you don't know without any good reason equals zero class. Enough said.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Has it really been that long? It has been slightly over a month now since the day Viv left for Jandakot. Yet with him, it does not feel like we are thousands of miles apart. The daily phone calls, messages and chats over MSN keeps us close, so it always seems like he is close by.

I may be expressive in writing but I am not exactly mushy and over-affectionate. I mean of course, if the feeling is not mutual, I will not fake it. In fact it annoys me sometimes because I do have my solitary moods and I need need my space. Again, if my territory is encroached upon, I will shrink away and shut off. But with Viv, it is totally different, but even he gets a bit of it sometimes. Sometimes only.:P

I have been told I am not easy to handle, but I guess in this case, it just takes the right person to come along.

God, I miss him.
Ah well, I cannnot leave just yet, gotta wait for the results to be out in another 2 weeks or so before I can go. Just as well, whether I am here or in Perth now or later, it does not really make a difference. So I am happy either way.

I know I have cleared this final hurdle in Singapore, I am just waiting for it to be official. Then I will embark on yet another, challenging new phase, one which I will find a whole lot more exciting. I am all geared up for it and I will start doing some light reading and familiarize myself with the procedures to prepare myself.

Today, I decided to give myself a break from my daily run to let my muscles rest. I absolutely love the rush of adrenaline and power when I am running. My usual routine feels easier, but it was never a challenge to begin with, except to start on it after a long hiatus. I need to push myself even further. That, I will do tomorrow.
Anytime now... though the tentative date of departure is set sometime during the second week of July, I am hoping to leave even earlier.

Friday, June 20, 2008

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Small victory! But oh so freaking overjoyed! This is my best birthday present so far!
WOOHOO! I am so happy I feel like dancing around a tree now.

=)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Turning a quarter century old today does not make me feel any different. if anything, I do feel, behave and look younger these days. (I hope lah heh:p) That jaded feeling that has been gnawing at me over the years has left me some time back and now I embrace life with a new found zest and purpose. Maybe it has to do with the attitude that I have adopted circumstances that are beyond my control. That is, to leave it all up to the Lord and his wisdom.

The year that I was 24 has been a great one for me, I have much to be thankful for. I got to finally have a shot at my dreams and I met my dream guy. I have never been more contented and happier than this. Now that I am 25, I pray that my focus will not waver at any point and that I will have spiritual restfulness with God as I continue on with the next chapter in my life.

Anyhoo, I went over to Nicole's place today to run with her and her dogs, Odi and Cherry. The fatigue in my muscles ebbed away as I pounded on the pavement with the two dogs running beside us. The doggies really motivated us to run and even stopped to wait while we catch up with them. Jack Russells are running machines man and they did not even stray, just ran beside us faithfully. We covered quite a distance and Odi even kept up with me when I sprinted towards the end. Lucky Nicole, so jealous now hmph! Nicky and Miko can barely run 100m before they kapoot, too much fur on their bodies and also very fat heh heh.
Though I love them both very much, the next dog I own will be a running machine. It is so much nicer to have company when I run. My babe was so sweet, she cooked me a healthy lunch of brown rice porridge, quinoa, meat and broccoli. Just the sort of food I like, I am very much into healthy food. But I ate quite a bit of chocolate when I came back heh, there goes my plan to lose weight.

I would very much love to spend my birthday with Viv but he is all the way in Perth. For now, I have to be content with hearing his voice over the phone a few times a day. Going to have dinner with my family now, I love simple and quiet birthday celebrations such as these.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Nabei, kenna mild heatstroke while walking in to college today with the afternoon sun beating fiercely down on me. Now that I am back home, the headache is more pronounced and I feel as though my head is being pounded repeatedly with a sledgehammer.

I went sun tanning with Nicole yesterday so I am nicely browned now. I have always sported the tanned, healthy look but I stopped for some time. Now I know why I did not continue with it, it is extremely damaging for the skin. My skin feels like a piece of cracked leather and I just hope I don't start peeling.

My poor dogs must be suffering under all that fur. Miko had her fur shaved off recently to get rid of the matted fur, but even she pants like her life depends on it. Yesterday, someone mistook her for a ferocious pitbull. She is a Japanese Spitz, but I suppose her shaved look makes her look badass and the size is about right. I had a good laugh over that.

Feel like doing shit to my hair again, argh....

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The sweltering heat makes me feel murderous. I do not even imagine how I will feel if I am out in town and have to squeeze with the throngs of people coming my way.

Though I do have moments where I get irritable, I do feel a lot better when I put mean thoughts aside and make an effort to be a nicer person. It is often hard to get past certain feelings and not being able to are stumbling blocks to happiness and having a peace of mind.

I have heard countless testimonies but the testimony I heard yesterday was by far, the most powerful one. It was about a Buddhist nun whose heart was changed by the Lord who freed her of her pain and years of suffering.

The Lord is truly great.

Friday, June 13, 2008

It is that antsy-pantsy feeling I have again. The same one that kept me awake last night.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Just seconds after I blogged my last entry, I received an email from Judy and I clicked on this link.

I can feel the Lord speaking to me and there is this tingle all over. I will be patient and trust in Him, walk humbly with God I must.
I know I said I do not want any drama in my life but I may just go about creating my own drama now.

Because I am feeling bored and restless. What can I do to alleviate these feelings? I do ponder a lot about things but I still can find no answers or consolation. Not much I do can still the restlessness in me. Basically, I know I just want to get this over and done with and then leave. However, knowing me, I will just get bored in Perth as well.

I want to get started, I want to feel the rush of excitement when I am up in the air again. Most of all, I want to see Viv. This countdown is the longest one I have ever experienced.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

He said he'd dance around a banana tree for me if I am bored and if it would make me smile. What a poot.

:)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Anyone who can put up with my nonsense is a keeper, but then again, I am considered alright if I were to compare myself with some crazy women heh heh.:) No harm spicing things up with a little dose of attitude, no?

Walking my dogs and seeing them happy makes me happy. I wish Nicky Cha Bong can run with me but he is so fat that he might just die of a heart attack if I make him. It will be nice to run with my dogs but for now, I am on my own.

I was feeling bored, ultra restless and a tad moody, but those feelings have passed. I really prefer to be left alone when I get this way. I will go for a run when I wake up tomorrow morning. It will do me good. Missing the poot...
Sigh, it could have been me arriving in Perth this morning...

Hearing his voice everyday sends my heart soaring everytime and it makes the distance just a bit more bearable.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Why did I ever stop running? I have forgotten how great and alive I feel after a good run. Today, a passage in a book I was reading jumped out at me. It was about the relationship between love and time. To dedicate your time to someone is one of the greatest way of showing love. Time is the most precious thing you can ever give, since no amount of money can buy back time that has passed.

How very true indeed.
Momentum, once lost, is extremely difficult to get back. I finally understand the full force of its impact now and it does not bode well for me. I go crazy when people start nagging but this is one of those times I actually miss having Viv nag at me. I have got to do this on my own now and I need to snap out of this rut right this instant.

Looking back, I cannot imagine how much I studied for ATPLs just weeks ago. It now seems like a bad dream which I have shoved away in some distant memory. I must harness my last-minute, uber-absorbing capabilities to see myself through this.
It is really strange, but something tells me I should request to leave for Perth right after I sit for my paper, instead of waiting 2 weeks for the results to be out.

All the times that I have felt this way, I have made the best damn decisions in my life. I cannot bear the thought of being too idle, it lulls me into a false sense of security. I am getting restless and I am itching to get my ass there fast.
I have just one gripe... I swear if anyone asks me how my studies are going one more time, I will scream. Please understand that it can get quite annoying having to answer the same question over and over again, especially if it is being used as a conversation starter.

When I am not doing anything, I spend quite a fair bit of my time mulling over my life. My priorities have changed ever since I embarked on this journey of faith. Gone is the need to impress, possess material things and indulge in worldly pleasures. Other than training, all that matters now are my relationships with God, family, Viv and my friends.

Life is boring but it is good, I am happiest when I am in love and life is simple. Though, the biggest highlight of my day is talking to Viv and washing my dogs' backsides, it is good enough for me.

One thing I have come to realize, it is easier for others to share your sorrow than your joy. Not many people will give two hoots and really feel happy for you if your life is going well. But for some strange, twisted reason, people are more willing rally by your side to share your pain and burden.

Well, whatever it is, my posts are getting boring because there is nothing much for me to blog about. I am just counting down the days to my departure for Perth and there, I will have a million poot things waiting for me.

=)

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Talk is very cheap indeed. I have some thoughts about certain things I have been hearing and I cannot help but feel it is all empty talk unless it is put to action. On this, I shall not comment any further.
Peace is... lying in bed, listening to the rhytmic sound of your own breathing and slowly drifting off to sleep.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony - piano improvisation

Wah lau eh.... Freaking awesome, jaw-dropping performance. I am so damn jealous. I am just so in awe of some people's talent.

Nickelback - Far Away on piano By: David Sides

Here's another one of my favourite songs and transpositions. David Side's version is one of the most beautiful versions I have come across. He has also inspired me to come up with my own version of this song.