Miko is royally pissed that Nicky got to go for a walk before her today, so I am typing this entry to the tune of her indignant howls. Damn fucking cute and amusing, lol;P

So Christmas has come and gone and today is the day to usher in the New Year, 2006. Goodbye 2005, you will be missed, it has been eventful and a tad bittersweet while it lasted. I've met and gotten to know many wonderful people this year, friends who have a positive impact, whom that I know will be around for a long time.

2006 will be a year of reckoning for me. With bated breath, I anticipate myself making some major changes in my life. This will be the year that I'll finally attain some of the goals that will be personal acheivements. Then there is something bigger...

For the first time in my 22 years, I know what I want to do and I intend to go for it. This is something that I feel is right, with every bone in my body. It is funny how everything becomes brighter and clearer when you have a vision for yourself. Petty issues that used to bug me suddenly aren't issues anymore. Everything just falls into place naturally.

I won't say what I'm going for. It will be a challenge and it'll be daunting but I am going to try. I hope I will realize my secret ambition soon enough. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Life? Gotta make the best out of it, only then is it worth living for. Looking forward to what the new year brings. Wishing everyone a prosperous and meaningful New Year and may it be a fruitful and happy one for all!:)

If there was ever a day that I'd hear myself declare that I am sick of eating chocolate, today would be it.

I am gonna be ill... I have had a serious overdose of the good stuff for the past 3 days. My excuse? It's the festive season and it's that time of the month. Having said that, I have just finished eating 5 chocolate-coated digestive bicuits and in my head, I'm screaming, "No more!!!." Chocolate is poisonous to dogs for a reason...

(Note to myself: "Get a freaking grip or you'll put back the 2 kg you've lost! Nooooo.....! Argh!!!")

Anyhoo, the festive season was a nice and simple affair for me. Just the way I like it... :) My darling and I spent Christmas eve with Nicole and Botak over a steamboat dinner and red wine. And on Christmas day itself, we watched King Kong and had dinner together. Couple dates are fun, especially when we are all from the same school and get along:)

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged. Much has been going on in my mind and I've had some issues to contend with. They are still bugging me actually but other than that, I shouldn't complain, life has been good to me.

Just got back from an agonizing 8 days' trip to New York via Frankfurt yesterday evening. I don't believe that I was ever that jet lagged and that miserable to be away from home. The freezing cold certainly added on to the gloom. I had no mood to do anything because of that. I thought I was going to lose my ears and my fingers whenever the wind blew.

And the boots I bought from Amsterdam was just not made for walking.

It was slowly killing me and every step I took after an hour brought about fresh stabs of pain. Even when I was sitting down, I was not spared. My feet were cramping so badly that I couldn't sleep on the hour-long journey back to New York, from New Jersey. Definately not a pleasant experience for me.

It snowed in Frankfurt on the 2nd day that I was there. It was quite lovely actually, to be walking in town with the snow flakes falling softly on the cheeks. The snow looked like sugar icing on all the buildings. It was beautiful and almost magical.

Coming back home to Singapore has never felt sweeter. Especially since I am coming back to a newly-renovated home. Lots of unpacking to be done but I'll do another day. Time to celebrate the festive season.

Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. May it be a joyous and memorable festive season for everyone. It's so good to be home:)

My mind was in a tangled web of thoughts... tossed and turned about in bed all night. When I finally managed to doze off, it was time to wake up.

I was rostered to spend the whole day at the training centre for a ward gathering. There's nothing much to mention so I won't bore those reading this entry with details...

There is so much going on... not just in my life, but also the lives of people close to me, and even their friends' lives. You get the picture. It is so mind boggling sometimes. I have heard a lot. For some, there is unhappiness and dissatisfaction, while for others, it is smooth sailing and headed the right direction. Then you start thinking all over again, you start wondering and then think somemore. Same old shit. There is a lot of things that I don't mention in my blog

Tonight, I am fucking exhausted and damn mood swingy, like a rubber band stretched too thin. Nothing has happened, I just do not feel like talking and I want to be left alone. I do not want to snap at anyone, that would be bad. So please...

I do wonder, whether one should be complacent with what they have... If the answer is yes, why do I feel the way that I do whenever I miss one boat after another?

My bed beckons, tomorrow will be a better day...

I am pleased, pleased as punch in fact. Let's just say that things are going the way I want, for now. Heh. I always know that there'll be sunshine after bad episodes, especially after that shitty, fucked up night.

Sometimes, I think people need to experience something bad occasionally to remind them to appreciate the good things in life when it happens. That applies to me too.

Sun's out, maybe I'll go get a tan later if the sun is still good. Later.

I am glad I did not allow myself to get all emotional and start screwing up my life in an attempt to self-destruct. I know better, I've been there once. Letting your emotions get the better of you is the bane of all rational thinking.

Talked things over and it is all good, for now. I'll be flying to Melbourne tomorrow morning. At least, I don't have all that emotional baggage to deal with. That would suck, big time.

To those who have expressed their concern, thank you. I am fine now.:)

Pinch me someone, for I am not sure I feel human anymore. Where is the pain I am supposed to feel? Numbed to near-oblivion.

I express myself very well, both in speech and in writing. I usually get my point and my thoughts across to people. But, I tend to bottle up my deepest feelings. The question now is, when will that bottle break?

To my friends, don't worry about me. I am not gonna slip and let my life spiral out of control. That is a promise that I will make to myself.

Fuck all this emo shit... Fuck everything.

If I had to pick the worst day of my life for this year, tonight would be it.
What seemed like a good start to my day ended in shambles.

I had a fucked up night's sleep. I guess I must have used up every shred of my patience for today's flight. Don't get me wrong, I was in my element. It was a great flight, albeit a fucking tiring one.

Then came a nasty chain of events that snowballed into a grand climax. It all started when my regular cab driver screwed up my advanced booking. I had to wait at least half an hour at the airport before I can get the cab. Now, tell me, what is the whole fucking point of a god damn advanced booking if I have to wait so freaking long for my cab? It makes absolutely no sense to me. I told him to forget it and joined the public queue.

Imagine the torture I felt. I was so fucking pissed off but I had to wear a neutral expression on my face because I was in my uniform and because like it or not, I am representing the company. So I vented my anger in my smses to my friends. I guess I must have sounded pretty violent, one of them was so worried for me, he actually called me instead. Heh.

That is the only thing I will go into detail about... some other shit happened and I snapped. I feel like another part of me has died... The initial stabs of pain that I felt initially has since subsided to a dull ache and now, I can only feel numbness.

I only allowed myself to shed a single tear. I hardly ever cry anymore and I don't intend to. But sometimes, being emotionally detached can be a big curse. I have lost something tonight... but, I'll move on.

Fuck it.

Amusing.

I was rushing down the left aisle, preparing the aircraft for take-off when this lady passenger snapped her fingers at me to get my attention.

Snapped her fingers at me. Lol:)

I admit I was quite taken aback but I calmly told her I'll attend to her after take-off. I didn't take it personally, I'm just well, amused... She didn't mean it as an insult but rather, it's something she's used to doing back home.

I hardly ever get personal anyway, makes me a much happier person. Understand that and look at things from the flip side of the coin and you'd be happy too.

Darn PMS, the bane of every female who has hit puberty. Such a bitch. Get it over and done with already...

I had a wake-up call this morning. It is still not too late.

Not to late to break out of this comfort zone that I am enjoying right now. It is time to do something for myself, time to move on. I am going to do a part-time degree and I'll try to make it for next year's intake.

By the age of 25, I must:

- Have my driving license
- Get my Grade 8 in piano
- Get my degree
- Look damn fucking good, or at least maintain. That is a must hahaha;p

I have more to add to that list of course.

By then, I would have already been with the company for 5 years and I will get my graduity. My bond will end this year. If the right opportunity comes along, I might just quit before my contract ends. As Judy put it ever so aptly, 'collect ammunition'.

Working and studying part-time is fucking tough but it has to be done. I must create options for myself while I am still young and have no commitments. I must harness every single one of my abilities so that nothing goes down the drain. I KNOW I am capable, just that I lack the discipline and motivation. I do not want to look back, 10 years down the road with regret, not having acheived anything of substance.

My worst fear is to be left behind when everyone else has moved on. It scares the shit out of me. It truly does. I like my job but I do not want it to be the ONLY option for me.

Thanks for talking to me Judy and Julz.:) The both of you have been constant sources of positivity and encouragement in my life. I love you gals to bits! *big hug*

Less partying and mucking around, gonna surge ahead and be the best I can be. Wish me luck on my ambition.:)

Yo I'm back! Have not slept for the past 25 hours...

I was up to the same old crazy shit again. Touched down from Tokyo,changed and went down to Liquid Room. It sucked tonight... the freaking place was so jam packed I could barely move. I really did not enjoy myself at all. Except, of course, for the company of my babe, Veena:)

I am now clearing my e-mail after being away for 4 days, when I saw this link.

My resolve to never EVER get drunk remains strong, if not stronger. Anyhoo, I hardly get drunk nowadays.

I shall reserve my harshest comments to myself heh. I wish I had been there to see the show though;p It would have been interesting to watch.

Crashed and burnt out. See ya peeps.

This gonna be a short entry because I am gonna try to get some sleep before flying off to Tokyo, via Bangkok later in the evening. It will be a tiring flight, so I need all the rest I can get. Having had 4 hours sleep the night before is simply not enough.

I will miss everyone dear to me, especially my baby... *muakz*

I'm on a mission to look absolutely fab by Christmas... Especially since I have off days on 24,25 and 26. Am I lucky or what? Heh:)

Am so looking forward to this, time to shake things up!

Met Daphne for the first time this year lol:) Yep, it was THAT long and we live in the same area. We used to attend French classes at Alliance Francaise together. She'd be seated across the room, facing me, however, we did not exchange a word or even a smile.

Then one day, when I'm on my way to the training centre, I saw her come up the bus with her hair in a bun and the full SIA make-up. (Yep, we had to adhere to the grooming guidelines while training) I immediately knew she was training to be a flight stewardess, just like myself. It's like duh? It's a no-brainer. No one would be mad enough to bun their hair and shock everyone with bright red lips and equally garish red nails that early in the morning. UNLESS, of course, you're a trainee at the SIA Training Centre.

Anyhoo, I thought she looked familiar but I cannot remember where I've seen her. Saw her around a few times but I did not think much about it.

Then when I was reporting for my 5th solo to Perth, she introduced herself to me. She would be on the same flight as a trainee. (We have to do 4 flights, 2 on each fleet, during our 4 month training stint) She remembered me from the French classes and we hit it off from there.

And now we're colleagues and friends, meeting up for a gym session at California Fitness and lunch at Marche. Thanks gal, I enjoyed your company and I had a great time!:)

I believe, that in your lifetime, you are meant to meet certain people and for a reason. I've met some people in ways that are out of the norm, that have made a major impact in my life. This includes my current boyfriend but that is another story for another time.:)

Life is so interesting isn't it? I am a firm believer of fate and going with the flow. Usually all the shit you go through in life will sort itself out, somehow. Things happen for a reason, but when it gets out of hand, it is up to us to be the master of our own fate.

The power of 3:)

A devil-may-care attitude I may have... Yet, despite myself, I am actually hurt by his words and actions tonight...

Misunderstanding and a clash of bad moods at one of its worsts.

How can one, who can make me so happy one minute, make me go to bed with a heavy heart the very next instant?

If only you knew how happy you could've made me, too bad you don't always understand. I'd be yours forever if you do...

I think I'll give in this time.

Yesterday evening ended on a lovely note.:) Judy says she went to sleep with a smile on her face. I'm not sure about myself and Julz though... I mean, we are friendly and we CAN BE all smiles if we like you... But we both has this stuck-up, 'don't fuck with me' look about us... Anyhoo, I don't think I am someone who smiles in my sleep, snore yes, smile? No.

We had a nice dinner at Thai Express, while talking about weird stuff like how crocodiles mate and the size of their *ahem* and then we moved on to elephants... (???). Judy started the subject on pregnancy prevention patches and its horrible side effects like gaining weight or if you don't, blood clots in the body.

Me: "I'd rather have blood clots man."

The gals looks at me with an incredulous 'Hellooo? WTF?' expression on their faces. I don't blame them... I think my mind is seriously warped and I am obsessed with losing weight. I have every reason to be and I am not ashamed to say it. Everyone tells me I look fine. And yeah I do look fine but, I beg to differ, because I don't look fine enough for my expectations. ;p

So, we went up to the open area to sit around, talk and take pictures upon Judy's insistence. Now, I am someone who honestly hates taking pictures unless I look damn hot that day. Sorry Jude, but I have to say this...your camera, in flash mode, made us all look bad, very bad. All puffed up and bloated. Wahahaha!

Don't look good in pictures? Blame the freaking camera!

The power of 3:)

The first thought that popped into my mind when I got into the cab when reporting for my flight to Auckland was, "Shit, I am screwed."

Get this, I usually make sure I arrive at the control centre 30 minutes before reporting. Since it takes me at least half an hour to reach the airport, I have to leave the house at least 1 hour before reporting time.

That day, for some weird reason which I can't quite phantom, I left the house at 6.35pm, when my reporting was at 7pm.

I could have died and gone to hell.

Anyhoo, I made it on the dot. I was so flustered that my orientation was all disrupted. I was so sure it was the beginning of a bad flight.

Fuck, I was wrong... I had a blast! Haha! After we arrived at the hotel, that is. A group of us gathered together with some alcohol to hang out and talk shit.:) Great company, just laughing at anything and everything. Sometimes, I love my job and my life. If it is as fun as this all the time.:)

Went to look at my partially renovated flat yesterday... Lovely! The house has a good feel about it. The contracter did a hell of a good job. I can't wait to move back in:) Headed down to Kimage, cut my fringe china-doll style and trimmed my hair. Tortured myself at the gym after that.

Then, partied hard at Phuture. A few of us from the Auckland flight, plus some other friends. Danced all night, the RnB music was great, the vibe was pumping into our veins at full force. I love music, I love to dance and I love my life.

What a weekend...:)

And the best part? I'll be meeting my babes Judy and Julz for dinner in a bit!

Watch me die. I came back at freaking 7am in the morning, woke up at 12pm and now I can't get back to sleep. I am reporting for Auckland at 6.30pm today and I got to work throughout the night. I feel tired just thinking about it. Auckland, by the way, is not an easy flight to do at all. It is perpetually always a full load, long flight time and very little rest.

Sigh.

I already feel a little depressed reporting for this flight.

Anyhoo, I went to Gotham Penthouse with my babes Veena, Huiling and Veena's friend, Mia. It was my first time there and it'll be my last. The R&B they play just doesn't do it for me. Nah uh. Still, the company was good and that was all that mattered.

Ah well, gonna go do my 30 minutes of cardio now. Hopefully, that'll perk me up. I am seeing results hahaha:)

I miss my babes Nicole, Julie and Judy. Have not seen you gals in a long long time. I hope you gals miss me too:)

This is hard work... really hard work. Discipline is so tough...

What's worse, I am starting to have my pms symptoms... all the cravings... feeling hungry all the time...

Bottomline, damage control ALWAYS. Should never have allowed it to get out of hand in the first place.

I burned off 500 plus calories doing 1 hour of cardio today. It'll be easier once my body comes out of its 'shock' and start trimming down.

Very hard, but I'll persevere.

Just something out of the blue and unrelated. One of my friends said that people who are emotionally strong have natural physical strength. I find this to be quite true.

Anyhoo, I have been working hard for 3 days now and I am going to be very strict with my diet until I am happy with the results. I stepped onto the weighing scale for the first time in a few months...

My jaws dropped. Literally. I was like what the fuck?

What's weird is that I actually look much lighter than the figure that I saw on the weighing scale.

This won't do.

I must create a calorie deficit. Take in less calories, burn more.

Wish me luck. *sigh*

My turnaround flight to Bali yesterday was more interesting than usual... one of the senior crew that I did not work with took one look at me and said that I was positively glowing. I thought he was talking about my skin but he wasn't. He was actually talking about the aura every person has about them. Apparently, good fortune will come my way in the next 3-6 months. He also told me a lot of things which was pretty accurate...

It is a peace of mind to know that at least I'll be experiencing positive things to come. Whether it is psychological or whether it is real, who the hell cares, as long as it makes me happy and relaxed, I'll believe whatever I want.

Some issues that were bugging me the past few days have sorted itself out. Not all of it, but at least I don't have a headache about it anymore. I had a good talk with my baby, things are ok for now... I am glad.

Would like to blog more but I'm meeting Judy and Jon for lunch. I'm actually looking forward to going to work tonight, even though I'm going to Shanghai haha:)

Til then.

I have come to a point where I wonder, yet again, whether I am really happy with how
my life is going... Have been spending many, many days deep in thought. Still, life's mysteries and answers elude me. In short, I don't know what the fuck I really want.

What else is new?

I only feel incomplete and I'm not living up to my full potential. There is something missing in my life and I think I know what the missing pieces are. I am slowly being sucked into the system of what society and the people around you expects of you. I hate explaining my actions or why I do things a certain way. I hate living my life for other people and not for myself. What a sucker...

A few of my friends have been going through very rough patches when it comes to relationships... The only thing I can do is to listen and give some advice... sometimes I hope it is good enough because it is not in my position to interfere... Speaking of which, mine is not going exactly the way I want either. There are some key elements which I need that are sorely missing... Gotta try and have a talk when I come back.

I am really feeling all angst-y and shit, wonder how long I am able to keep up this facade? Fuck, I just hope it is one of my mood swings again, if not, I must seriously consider what I am going to do about it.

Off to Sydney tonight, back on Friday afternoon. Think I might wanna go dance or some shit like that. Bye.

Hmmmm....


You are a temptress


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

When my hair was rather short...

I've come up with the perfect solution. Let me become thinner first, then I'll cut my hair to reward myself. Short hair looks better with a slimmer face and bony shoulders anyway.

And if by then, I'm still thinking about it, I'll go right ahead.

I am good. Haha!

I am seriously fucking pissed off. Sure, I have never been known to be obedient and listen to people but I think I am capable of making my own decisions. If you tell me you don't want me to do something, tell me nicely and I'd listen. But if you tell me in a screwed up way, I'll go right ahead and do it, just to spite you.

I don't get it, I'm her daughter for 22 years... doesn't she learn that being harsh and saying things to hurt my feelings is NOT the way to get through to me? If anything, it makes me even more defiant.

When I casually mentioned to her I might intend to cut my hair. The way she told me not to was so vehement...it's as if I told her I am moving out. Then she sent me a msg on my phone... saying that she feels very strongly about me cutting my hair and that if I insist, I might as well quit my job...

What the fuck?

Quit my job over a haircut? It is JUST hair.

Why does she always have to talk to me like this? Much as I hate to admit it, her words sting a lot.

*sigh*

I'm back. London was lovely as usual, but I didn't do much this time round. I have been there far too many times.

I have to start working out again. I realized that I have not been *gasp* exercising for at least 1 month. The irong is, I'm actually becoming a little thinner. I can't emphasize enough on the word 'diet'.

Been neglecting a few of my babes, gonna make the effort to meet you darlings really soon!

And now, I have a huge, huge dilemma. Should I cut my hair short? I want a chin-length bob. This has been giving me sleepless nights. I'm quite decided that I want to do it but I'm afraid I'll look like shit. It probably won't bother me so much if I didn't have work to think about and how I am gonna keep it neat and the process of growing out my hair.

Fuck man, I'm just itching for a change.

That 'send a smile' function on Friendster is just stupid. A few people have sent me that and then what? Expect me to reply? Honestly, I don't know what to say to people who 'send a smile'. Period.

Nothing much to update, I'm tired but happy, that's about it. Can be better. Gonna catch a few Z monsters before my 13 hour flight to London. My buddy, Jessica will be doing that flight as well! So cool! We have lots to catch up on.:)

Gotta go.

Me

For the longest time, after quite a number of bitching entries, I'm finally in a good mood. Tired yes, but definately in a much better mood.

My b/f left for Bangkok on Friday morning, with 6 of his campmates. He only called once to tell me he has arrived, said he'll call me back, but I have yet to hear from him. Not even one msg since. Hmmm... I'm not going to spoil his fun now. Strangely, I'm pretty cool about the whole situation. But he'd better have a damn good explanation when he gets back:D. Does have a menacing undertone to it, doesn't it? haha:)

Well, let's just say, it does.

Just got home from Zouk/Phuture not too long ago. Started my day badly. Woke up feeling tired and fucking moody, felt that way the whole fucking day. Was even more pissed for most of the entire fucking night. I'm just glad it ended okay and that I don't have to go to bed so fucking angry.

Left the house at 9.30pm and only went in the club at 2am. Lots of waiting around and by the time we got there, the queue was so freaking long and it was jam packed. I hate waiting, I really hate waiting. Everyone was not feeling happy at the situation. I kept very quiet. I could feel all the anger slowly building up. Pissed at the situation and very unhappy about something else.

I just prayed I wouldn't explode, so I kept very quiet. I didn't. It would have been major. It really showed on my face though. Screw it lah, I don't have to pretend to be happy when I am not.

We finally got into Phuture, I cheered up enough to enjoy myself. Huiling lost her phone halfway through. It fell out of her pocket and someone picked it up. Spent the next half and hour calling her phone. Julian, the guy who picked it up,actually took the trouble to call me back and meet us outside the club to return the phone. Thanks Julian, an honest and kind soul like you is hard to come by these days. It was the saving grace for an otherwise, unpleasant ending.

Gotta report for work in less than 8 hours time... my entry ends here.

I have a problem... my abdomen was so bloated today, it was distended. My uniform felt especially tight today. I experience this discomfort ever since I started flying and sometimes, I look 3 months pregnant if I don't suck in my tummy.

Oh and guess what? The complex leader told me that I need to watch my BMI. That's Body Mass Index if you don't already know. Right... I don't mean to be mean but isn't it kinda ironic coming from someone who has no waistline and a double chin?

For the record, I only make snide remarks about anal-retentive, nit-picking people who vaguely resemble a mother cow. No offence to the cows though...

I just found the whole situation hilarious haha:) But honestly, I do want to work on it and whip myself into tip-top shape. Like that of Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie.

It has been quite some time since I last updated. Didn't want to blog because I was not in the best of moods and I had nothing to say. Got back from Dubai on Sunday morning and took 2 days to recover from the energy drain. It has never happened before, not this bad. Anyhoo, my energy levels are replenished and I'm good to go again.

4 of us went sightseeing in Cairo. It was breath-taking, simply amazing... Standing at the foot of the great pyramids was awe-inspiring. The colourful history of the ways of the ancient Egytians has long been a subject of fascination for me. To be able to experience it that day was totally out of this world. Some say that the pyramids are actually built by aliens. Heh.

The artifacts housed in the museum are really remarkable and some, extremely well-preserved. There is some sort of ominous air about the museum that I can't quite place my finger on. Anyway, it gave me the creeps, wasn't the only one who was imagining things coz my colleagues felt that way too. If you try looking directly into the eyes of some of the larger statues, you won't feel very comfortable. Weird.

We took turns to ride the horses and the camel. Riding the horse was a lot more comfortable although riding on the camel was an interesting experience altogether. I mean come on, you don't get to ride a camel everyday do you? The poor creature reminded me of a dinosaur, especially when it makes a sound like a forlorn half-wail. I truly felt sorry for both the horses and the camel. I don't think they were treated very well at all and it disturbs me...

I hated the bazaar. It reminded me of the time when I was in Bombay. I hate any noisy, chaotic situations where you stick out like a sore thumb and where everyone is aware of you and stare at you without inhibitions.

I didn't like Cairo very much at all, now that I have seen almost all that I wanted to see, I'll stay in the hotel the next time I have to go there.

Moving on, Huiling and Jeannie just left my house awhile ago. They came over to hang out and reminisce our primary school days. Earlier during the day, I met up with Jeannie in town and I ended up buying a lot of stuff. The usual, tops, a pair of Adidas shoes and lots of accessories. Everytime when I don't intend to buy something, I end up doing a lot of damage. I did not regret any of my purchases, except for a lovely white top with pretty lace details that made me look too top-heavy. Damn sian. Jeannie bought it from me and it looks better on her anyway:)

I'm in a much happier mood now:)

Judy had an interesting tag to her MSN nick, "Pretty girls have ugly feet." Haha:) Cute:)

Life is good despite some minor disappointments here and there. Nothing like having your loved one's company by your side for 3 days in a row:) Have not spent that much time together in quite awhile...

Oh, I met up with Jeannie for lunch today...after so long! Really missed her and had a lovely time catching up with her. Babe, if you're reading this, we're going to go for some serious dancing when I get back from flight:)

Off to Dubai and then to Cairo for 7 days... My first time to Cairo, I hope I will enjoy myself. Maybe I might have something interesting to blog about then...hmmm.

Off I go!

It's great to be a Gemini, so I can blame any misbehavior on my other half... hehe:) me and my silly mood swings. I'm feeling much, much better now, thanks to everyone who listened and was concerned.:) *hugz*

I have been spending a lot of quality time with my baby, I think it is doing me a lot of good. I finally have the time to catch a movie today. Managed to watch The Myth today. I liked it.

Now, I will go to bed and blog later in the day.

Blissfully unaware, it is true that what you don't know, won't hurt you... My first trip to Bombay, India, can only be described as an eye-opener.

An odd mishmash of extreme poverty and simple luxury that we take for granted. The glaring disparity of social statuses. Traffic, in my opinion, was total chaos with the sound of car horns blaring incessantly in the background.

Children tugging at your clothes and begging for anything that you can give them. The most vivid image I have was of this little boy. His face was expressionless, his gaze was blank and he was carrying a baby under one arm and swinging him around carelessly like a rag doll. I was quite disturbed, it is hard not to feel anything.

Next time, I will just stay in the hotel.

Who is Jessica Rabbit? One of the crew said I reminded them of her. I have no clue.

The recent flight to Auckland was unexpectedly, one of the more memorable ones. Good flight and best of all, great company. We bonded even after we had stepped out of the aircraft. It makes all the difference really.

In all honesty, that is the best part about being flying.

Also, I had one of the best runs I ever had in my life. I actually ran running outside of the hotel with the inflight supervisor and one of the leading stewards. We ran all over the place, running into parks, mini-trails and even up slopes, exploring new routes and all.

The crisp, cool air was invigorating and fresh. It was just lovely. If I had the chance, I'd want to do it all over again but only when I have company. It is not safe for a girl to go running outside alone.

I smoked a fucking hell lot on this trip a well. I hope I don't get addicted. At the moment, I'm still comfortably, a social-smoker.

Flying off to Bombay tomorrow and 2 days off the day after. Just sweet, lets hope this flight is as good:)

My pretty cousin Ailin, and yours truly taken on 22/09/05 at Club Momo

Today doesn't seem so bad, my baby made things right:) See ya all when I get back!

Amsterdam was nice. Lovely boots in all designs. Spent a bomb on a pair pf boots and forgot to claim 10% tax. Overloaded on the carbs and paid SGD$12.50 for a pathetic glass of orange juice at a restaurant. Went 'window shopping' at the red light district and kept teasing the guys about getting 'sexcited' and 'sexercise'. Saw the windmills and the wooden shoe factory that the Dutch are known for. But at the back of my mind, I was thinking of too many things to really enjoy myself. It was all good though...

I am utterly overwhelmed. I'm feeling screwed up, exhausted and I still have a million and one things to do. Fuck... I am off to Auckland in the evening and will be away for four days this time. Where do I find the time to do all the shit that I need to do?

Depression is slowly setting in. I seem like I am coping fine but I am barely holding it together.

All this, coupled with feelings of guilt. Guilty for not practising the piano... Guilty for snapping at my baby when he has been literally taking all my crap and giving in to me. Worst of all, I am feeling guilty for not being around to help my mom move and dispose the rest of the stuff in the old flat, to get it ready for the renovation.

She must be feeling at least 5 times worse than me... I don't know how she does it all, she has a full-time job, does all the housework, handles everything in the household and now the stress of the move and the renovation. She has my utmost respect. Just thinking about the amount of things she does makes me want to crack.
I am really feeling so bad for flying off when she could do with my help. No one wants my flights and I have no more leave to take.

I went back this afternoon to clear everything out from my room. And hell, I vow to minimize my possessions and do spring cleaning at least once a year. There are so many things I buy that I don't even use or need. The amount of things I threw away today is truly shocking... Honestly, I felt my heart breaking when I had to let go of something, but I had no choice.

It is far from over. I still need to sift out more things to clear from the pile I put aside to keep.

More than anything, I am feeling this way because I always wish I could do more... That's how my whole life is, all the 'could haves' and 'what ifs'. It is time to do something about that...

And baby, I am sorry for taking it out on you. I love you...

Just a quickie entry before I fly off to Amsterdam tonight... I've FINALLY uploaded some pictures of my trip to San Francisco via Hong Kong, or any pics for that matter...

Nothing much to update, busy as hell. If you want everything, you've got to give up something... In my case, it is sleep.

Off to bed now, enjoy the pics!:)

Collage

Panda watching...

Kim and I again:)

Cable car ride:)

Taken at the spectator stands of the dolphin show in Ocean Park.

In the bus, on the way to Ocean Park, Hong Kong:)

My team girl Kim and I, lounging in the hotel room

The streets of San Francisco

It was definately one of the best flights I was ever activated for or rostered, for that matter. I did not go sight-seeing again, which is a real pity, but the company of my colleagues more than makes up for everything. The flight was great too and I got a complimentary letter, to my surprise:) This is one of those times that I really feel appreciated and blessed that I'm flying.

The cabin crew and tech crew (pilots) actually all sat down together in Johannesburg to have dinner together. For those of you who are wondering, we usually don't have any contact with the tech crew once we touch down as we put up at different hotels at most stations. Thus, this is one of the rare times that the cabin crew interact with them.

I'm feeling happier since moving into this rented apartment than I have been in months. Now that I'm home, I have so many things to do that I really do not know where to start.

Oh and I got my Chinese 8-Characters analysis yesterday. It was pretty interesting I must say... The gist of it is that I'm extroverted, hot tempered and have more masculine qualities. This equates to a stronger character who wears the pants most of the time. I think I can be quite difficult to live with coz I like getting my way most of the time hehe:) I don't like the sound of that though. Much as I like my independence sometimes, I think a female should be taken care of.

The master also said that I will be good at most jobs I choose to do except teaching, coz I lack the patience. Apparently, the jobs that suit me the best are finance and trading coz I am good in money matters. That was a surprise, I never thought I'd be good at those fields.

He also said something else which I found rather amusing, ominous but at the same time, accurate. He remarked that I am good at everything except choosing a husband. My mom was agreeing with him rather vehemently... sheesh... His advice is to me is to get married only after the age of 27 in the Chinese calendar year. Suits me fine, I do not intend to get married early anyway.

Auspicious colours are black, white, gold and blue and numbers 0,7,8 and 9. Lucky me, I do not have to make much changes after all:) My wardrobe is mostly black, white and pink and my favourite number is 9.

My mom's analysis was a surprise though, but I don't think she'll like me blabbing about it. hehe:)

Nicole got a Jack Russell puppy yesterday!!! Oh god... I can just imagine how cute he is:) I can't wait to see him! I wonder if he'll get along with my darlings, I have a feeling Miko will love him to bits:)

I'm in a good mood today, just feeling tired and rather lazy heh... I think I'll force myself to go for yoga today... I must.

And so it is... I got activated for Johannesburg, just shortly after I came back from Melbourne yesterday morning. Utterly exhausted, I did too many things without having much rest. Attended a Power Yoga session today, it was rather tough and even more so coz my body was all stiff and aching from running up and down slopes at 80-85% of my max heart rate for 27 minutes.

I must be mad sometimes...

Melbourne was great, I had fun and I made a new friend with common interests, living around my area too:) Gotta go now, as usual, I'm sad to leave, will miss my baby especially...

It is my 2nd day in the apartment and I'm already all settled in. I don't think I wanna move out now!!! haha:) I've managed to move half my belongings over and my room is at the neatest I can ever remember it being. I have to get rid a fair bit of the crap I own and have forgotten all about.

I'm exhausted beyond belief, I wonder how I have managed to last til now... Gotta go and sleep now, I need all the energy I can for tomorrow's flight to Melbourne. When I come back, I am gonna enjoy soaking up the sun's rays by the poolside and make sure I attend a yoga session. Goodnight!

My life is simply one big organized mess. Or more accurately, I've honed the ability to pick out the things I need out of the mess. I am flabbergasted at the amount of redundant things I actually own and now I have no idea what to do with them.

Bloody hell, I'm in such a highly-strung state before I go to work. At least I have packed all my clothes and stuff, get that out of the way first. I'll do the toiletries and the rest tomorrow morning when I come back from flight. Don't when I'll get the chance to sleep since I'll be working overnight.

Never mind, one baby step at a time... I have to get my act together now.

For about the 4th time, I forgot I had driving lessons today... Ended up making an appointment today for a free trial session at True Yoga the day before. I was late so I didn't attend the class. Instead, I was being suckered into signing up for 10 sessions for 4 weeks. Oh well, they have pretty interesting, specialized classes... but so bloody expensive.

My time management skills are horrible and I feel like I can't breathe, I was so overwhelmed, I had a mild anxiety attack just now. I have so many things to do, which are still not done. My family and I are moving out this Sunday, so that the renovation can start in October. I have so many freaking things to pack and I have a flight tomorrow.

*Sigh*

I am blogging now to calm myself down. To all the friends I have been neglecting, I'm really sorry. I am trying my best to make time, but my off days are just too little...

I need to sort things out in my life. I am just so glad that everyone has been so sweet and understanding.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Oh my God? That is all I can say... I hardly have the time to watch TV when I am back in Singapore, let alone watch Project Superstar. I only read about it in the newspapers. One of the finalists, Kelly Poon is a SIA crew... suddenly it dawned upon me that I worked with her on a Sydney flight back in Febuary.

What a surprise... I remembered her quite clearly coz I had dinner with her and she was the the one who introduced me to Fruche yoghurt. Also, I thought she resembled Ann Kok, a local actress. I just didn't realize that it was her til today.

It seems a lot of people dislike her coz they don't think she deserves to be in the finals and that she acts cute. I can't comment coz I have not watched a single episode of the show. All I know is, she is a very nice and sweet girl... didn't get any bad vibes from her or anything.

Anyway, it seems things are really looking up for her now. I wish her all the best!:)

Finally, finally and oh finally, I AM BACK! Wonder why this trip seemed so long this time round and I was only away for 7 days! Anyway, it's good to be home and the sight of my 2 furry friends greeting me at the door this morning, more than makes up for any of the fatigue I am feeling.:)

My mom 'accused' me of not being enthusiastic about moving to the condo unit where we are gonna be putting up for the next 4 months, while our house is being renovated.

Sigh... I guess she is disappointed after all the effort she has put in, I mean it really is a lot of hassle and stress afterall... It is not because I am not excited about it. I'm so freaking tired that it is very hard to show enthusiasm. Whatever it is, I told her I'd go with her to see the unit in the evening if it makes her happy.

I'll talk more about the trip, the next time I blog, and I'll try to put up some pictures my team gal and I took at Ocean Park, once she sends them to me:)

Later then.

I am torn. I'm excited as it is my first time to San Francisco, via Hong Kong, but at the same time, I can't bear to be away for nearly 8 days:( I will miss my darling especially... I only get to see him once a week if I'm lucky. I'm such a baby... but I will deal. I must really get a lap top very soon so I can still keep in touch with all my friends even when I'm overseas.

The roaming sms application rocks. I can msg all I want from overseas and the amount I have to pay for my phone bill is still pretty decent. It is a god-send.

On a brighter note, the SHOPPING!!! I'll be in heaven. I am not big on busting my entire allowance on a shopping trip. But San Francisco and Hong Kong! I'll do my best to limit the damage hehe:)

My heart feels a little heavy now at the thought of leaving and I do not really have the appetite to eat. Oh well, I'll be okay once I reach the airport.:)

I feel a little guilty that I have been neglecting some friends, I really have no time for myself, no time at all, but I'll have 3 days off when I am back. Jeannie, if you're reading this, I'll contact you when I am back. It has been quite awhile...

I should be packing now. I will miss everyone! *hugz*

It is uncanny how Nicky seems to understand every word that I say. Today, he was in my room, hanging out in the little 'cove' under my dressing table. I don't like him to be in my room coz his fur gets over everything and i'd be sneezing my head off in the middle of the night. So I said to him, "Why are you in my room?" He got up and walked out immediately.

Sometimes, my mom and I would talk to him and he'd be listening. When we sit down and have dinner and talk, he'd be eavesdropping. If he hears something he finds interesting, his face would perk up. I swear if he could talk, we'd be having proper conversations.

Definately, not your ordinary dog. Not by a long shot. We don't even need to groom him and his fur is always sleek and shining, with every hair in place. Now, I can't even wake up without my hair sticking out in funny directions. Heh.

Stuck at home with an eye infection. It was so bad I have to cancel all my appointments for today. My eyelid looks like that of a goldfish, all swollen and puffed up. Quite distressed over it, I hope I can work tomorrow.

At least I'll have a nice, quiet day to myself... Let me enjoy.

Today was weird, I was taking the train to town today when I saw a sight that I'd seen in documentries on monkey behavior. You know how monkeys like to groom one another... removing ticks and picking at each other's fur, combing out knots with their fingers and stuff? You get the picture...

So anyway, there was this couple which I was idly observing. The girlfriend was closely examining her boyfriend's head while he was msging away on his phone. Then she plucked out a stray white hair, and then another and placed them on his lap, quite oblivious to the stares they were getting. She looked like she was digging for gold. The boyfriend finished his msging and proceeded to pick up the few strands of hair that were on his lap and examined them in the sunlight.

What the fuck?

Is it just me, or is this the norm? I only know that it is the first time in all my 22 years witnessing something like that. I believe there is a time and place for everything. If people want to do things like plucking each other's hair or picking at each other's faces, shouldn't it be done in the privacy of their own home?

It is just taking public displays of affection to a grosser level. Eeeks...

I had a pleasant day with my babe, Nicole today. It was time well spent as usual:) Any time spent with any of my favourite people is worth it, no matter how tired I may be. We went to the gym, had dinner and went shopping:)

Oh I watched Land of the Dead yesterday. It was an improptu decision to catch a movie after flight. The movie is one of the worst I've ever seen. There is no freaking storyline and had a lot of loose ends that were left untied. It is just basically about zombies who gain an awareness about them and learn how to use weapons and they go around on a mass bingeing spree. It's just crap, damn it sucked so bad, I'm speechless. And it wasn't even my idea to watch it.

Off to bed now, I have a long day tomorrow. Goodnight!

Is it possible to feel over the moon and fucked up at the same time? well, that's exactly how I feel now... Fucked up coz of PMS, it sucks. My mood swings are unpredictable and terrible and I really can't help it. I almost turned purple in the face from all the effort to keep myself from lashing out at people. I went for a facial today. It took 2 hours and it was quite a torture for someone who can't keep her ass still. I kept fidgeting about. Oh and my face hurts too.:(

But then I am freaking happy at the same time. I now know where to get lovely gemstone jewellery in modern designs. I got a jade ring today, just a plain, simple band but of a high quality. I am gonna have fun seeing it slowly turn a darker green and developing a character all on its own. I was eyeing some other pieces as well but I controlled myself haha:) One at a time.

Today's the 14th and the day that my ex-b/f and I got back together, on the same date that we first started our relationship. Nearly 6 months have passed since it ended. Hopefully, it'll be stronger than ever...

I left the house feeling great and came home feeling like crap. I slipped up again... ARGH! i really cannot take anything with too much sodium coz it causes me to bloat and have serious water retention. I simply hate it! I realized sometime back, just how many things I cannot eat without it causing some sort of unwelcomed reaction or another. The worst culprits are anything with too much sodium and anything made from beans and wheat. My body cannot tolerate milk very well too. Great, coz that eliminates more than half of my favourite food.:(

Other than that, I had an excellent day:) Caught the movie Sin City, a show I have been meaning to watch for a long time. I did not really enjoy it... kept flinching and covering my ears at all the violent and disturbing scenes, which were aplenty. It is just too dark and gory for my taste.:( Lost my appetite for awhile, but not long enough to keep me from eating junk haha! Damn!

I have this sudden interest in jade now, I am gonna buy one of a good quality, that is modern and goes with everything I wear. Maybe, I'll get one set and made into a charm to hang on my charm bracelet. I will make the moonstone and beautiful quartz crystal I already have into charms as well, IF I can find them.

Oooh, had another one of those midnight running cum catching-up sessions with Huiling very early this morning. Yep! I know it's crazy but I'm loving it! It was great catching up with my babe... we're both so busy that we have not talked to each other in quite awhile.

I have been slacking up on my diet and workouts. Time to keep that in check if I want to knock off that few stubborn pounds. I gotta be in control of myself and my life. I want to. I am getting restless and I need a new hobby, something that allows me to keep fit at the same time. Preferbly, NOT water sports, ain't gonna let no jellyfish attack me again.

Restless on a lovely Saturday afternoon, but I feel damn good:) Gonna head down to town now. See ya!

I still love my job after all. It is a great feeling to have passengers come up to me at the end of the flight, saying that they enjoyed the inflight service and that Singapore Airlines is the best.:) Of course, some other people who have had not-so-pleasant experiences, would beg to differ. But on the whole, I would say the airline still manages to meet most customers' expectations. It makes the hardwork all worthwhile, knowing that it is appreciated.

As my team's Leading Steward aptly put it in mock broken Singlish, 'Singapore Airlines Lumber One!' (Number One) That guy is damn funny haha:)

I didn't get to visit any of the wildlife parks because no one wanted to go and it is dangerous for me to go alone. Really sad about it though.:( Ah well, since it's winter, most of the animals would be hibernating anyway. Some other time perhaps... I bought a hematite bracelet. It is a kind of iron ore with magnetic properties and it is believed to enhance focus, concentration, will-power, confidence, optimism, trust and stability. Hematite is a stone for the mind. It helps one to "sort-out" things in one's mind and can be used for mental attunement,memory enhancement, original thinking and technical knowledge. I also got a Golden Obsidian gemstone, believed to help increase self-control and aid in eliminating bad habits. I got it because it was the first one I picked up and liked out of an endless array of gems. It is a real beauty and I love it! Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe in the metaphysical properties of crystals.

It's good to come back to two furry faces greeting me at the door when I came back this morning. Nicky was being an ass as usual, barking his head off, but I believe he was just excited to see me.:) I think he is jealous of Miko's pink cardigan. When my mom puts on the cardigan for her at night, he would remove it when she's sleeping. It's just so adorable and silly at the same time.:) I am not going to post up her picture yet, too lazy to upload any as you can see from my ultra plain site heh;p All in due time...

I am so looking forward to my weekend, sometimes, the simplest things in life bring the greatest pleasure. Life is good:)

I hardly have the time to sit down and take a breather and settle in before I have to fly off again. I had a rude shock this morning. I kept thinking I have another day off when, in actual fact, I'm supposed to fly off tonight, just that my reporting time is after midnight. That means, I was cheated of an off day!!!:(

The only consolation I have is that I finally met up with Nicole, celebrated her birthday and spent a great day at km8 in Sentosa with her. Really, really miss her company even as I type this. A certain sweet darling of mine has been so so patient with me... I will miss him the most.

I'm going for my run... I hope I will feel better, then off to Johannesburg. My first time there, I wish I can bring my darling with me...

Miko had all her fur shaved off on Sunday. Gone is her exuberence and confidence. It is amusing to note how different a dog is without their fur hehe:) Every movement she makes is so tentative and unsure and she looks at us with really, really sad eyes. My mom and I bought her a pink t-shirt meant for babies so she won't feel too cold. It fitted her surprisingly well. Damn freaking funny hahaha:)

Nicky, in stark contrast, looks glorious with his fur neatly trimmed. So handsome. Poor Miko, at least she'll be getting more cuddles from me coz she won't make me sneeze anymore.

I'm fucking exhausted and tired to the bone. Can feel the onset of a sore throat and flu and I'm flying off to London tomorrow morning... Pray for me. Goodnight.

So I did not wake up with gorgeous hair, sparking eyes and a fresh face yesterday, But it was certainly a lot better than the day before because I had 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Anyway, I still feel fugly today. (fugly = fucking ugly). As always... Something about going back to the training centre makes me feel and look pale, dull and just plain fugly. I really wonder how I got through the 4 months of training...

My so-called 'problems' now are really trivial, maybe even just a figment of my over-active imagination. Depression is so real. God, it is so damn real. I know how it is, I never want to re-visit the nightmare again. Never. It was so bad, I even entertained thoughts about the best way to end my life. No one knew how bad I was really feeling. That was the scary part. I'm glad I have become much stronger, but what if I had decided I have had enough back then?

One of my friend's friends just ended her life. I don't know that girl but I am kinda shaken because I was once contemplating the same thougts. Gone, just like that... I know everyone has different dealing capacities but I really wonder, what is a person's breaking point? The day that one decides that he/she has had enough and say 'Fuck the world, I'm gone'. Is there no light at the end of the tunnel? Fuck, it reminds us of our own mortality... How things affect us more than we really think it does.

I shall make a conscious effort to be there for all my friends whenever I can and to be nice and considerate to everyone's feelings. I will cherish what I have now...

I am having severe allergies... Spent the whole night sneezing my head off last night. I reported to the training centre with a puffy face and messy hair. So sad... :( I felt even more sleepy than I really am because the area under my eyes were swollen. I'm still sneezing as I type... :(

It's the result of a lethal combination of the air-con blowing directly at me and my 2 furry doggies sleeping in the same room. Attending workshops is even more tiring than doing a flight. Sitting on your ass all day really drains your energy and depletes your brain juice. I would NEVER be able to stand a 9-5 desk-bound job. I'd rather be shot. I guess I am in the right profession after all huh? Funny how things in life work out the best for you.

Feeling very miserable now, a puffy face and hair that doesn't quite behave does not make a person's day. Please let me wake up to bright, sparkling eyes, a fresh face and gorgeous hair tomorrow.

Whenever I am afraid, my first reaction would be to cover my ears. I think I am more afraid of loud noises than anything else. I hate loud thunder and the sound of a balloon or tyre bursting. Even when I am watching a movie, and the part where someone is about to get shocked out of their skin or be killed, I cover my ears. I wonder if that is normal?

I had a great hair cut today... Just trimmed it and layered it. I'm very happy with how it turned out:) It is a pity I am just not suited for really long hair. Now, I feel like highlighting my hair heh;p

Speaking of a hair cut, Miko has an appointment with the dog groomer this weekend. My mom says she's gonna get a buzz cut. I really cam't imagine how a buzz cut would look on a Japanese Spitz. I'm sure she'll look so adorable! she'll probably be less swanky too;p Nicky's gonna trim his fur too, make him look more handsome and glossy.

I have a long day tomorrow, going back to the training centre for a workshop. Binged again tonight. Fuck my so-called discipline. The gym beckons, but where do I find the time to go?

My latest craving - Zentis Mandel Nougat Creme or translated in English, Almond Nougat Cream. It tastes just like Nutella and it goes with everything. I love to spread it on Marie biscuits. Sheer heaven in its simplicity. Very addictive stuff. No wonder I suffer from major energy crashes, not enough sleep and way too much sugar in my blood. *sigh*

There is a dull ache at my lower back, I think I may have hurt my spine a little. All that re-arranging of baggages is taking it's toll. I wish passengers would not be so inconsiderate as to dump their luggage in the overhead compartments any way they like. Especially on a full load when other passengers are boarding in floods and waiting impatiently for one person to stow their numerous baggages so they can get to their seat. Haven't they heard of check-in? I really dread doing the Manila turnaround tomorrow...:(

Just something completely unrelated to what I have just said... I wish I could do more to make things better, for the people that I care about. Here I am, whining like some bitch when my problems are so trivial compared to others. I really should not take things for granted anymore... I hope things start looking up soon.

I am just going to chill at home today and sleep early.

I am feeling so jet lagged. My energy levels have been crashing throughout the day and it does not help that my mom was being such a pain today. I try to avoid her sometimes... It is a real challenge to keep my cool and not blow up, especially since I'm not feeling so dandy myself.

Isn't it so emotionally draining to be around people who give off negative vibes? If I'm feeling down, I'll just hide in my room and want to be left alone coz I know how unpleasant it can be for people to bear the brunt of my moodiness. My advice, find the source of your unhappiness and do something about it.

Anyway, things are back to normal now. I'm glad I did not succumb to the temptation of losing my temper. Thinks always seem to work out better when you maintain your composure, don't they?

I bought a new phone today hehehe:) Sony Eticsson K750i. In my opinion, SE phones are the best. I love it! Starhub did not accept my dad's stupid Motorola phone coz the model was too old and they rejected my SE K700i coz it was fucking spoilt. Probably gonna get it repaired. I did not trade in any phone so I paid a mini bomb for it. Oh what the hell...

Starting from next month onwards, I'm gonna be more wise about my spending. Goodnight.

I had a massive chocolate overdose today. Blame it on the oh-so-marvelous confectionary I bought from Frankfurt. I don't even want to think about where all that sugar will go... :( I am suffering from a major sugar crash now, coupled with jet lag and the little amount of sleep that I've managed to catch.

I have realized Huiling and I are more similar then we thought. Especially in the way we look at certain things. I was telling her about something that pissed me off today. She could actually tell me why I am behaving the way I do sometimes and that she understands how I feel. It's a comfort to know that I'm not alone in this.

I am so, so freaking tired now. I have a date with Huiling and my running shoes tomorrow morning. We both have the same goals hehe;p I'm not gonna stop myself from eating chocolates but I'm just gonna make sure I eat a lot less of them.

Give me some discipline!

Of all the shittiest things that can happen, my mobile phone had to die on me today, just when I touched down from an exhausting flight from Frankfurt. I feel so out of touch with everyone now. And someone I've been trying to contact is not picking up my calls coz my home line is a private number. I'm seriously pissed off but fuck it.

My dad's spare phone is giving me shit too. It can't read my SIM card. Why must this happen now?:(

'Making friend from the Cockpit'

This is the subject heading of one of the Friendster messages I got this morning. Oh whoopee. What's up with that? There is no need to flash it around like a badge. I do not want to pass a sarcastic remark here coz the message title speaks for itself, don't you think? It is almost as bad as the numerous 'Hi, can be fren?' or 'Hi, can add u as fren?' messages that I get everyday. Can you get any more original than that? Sheesh...

I read something interesting off someone's testimonial today. 'Fat is the new black.' I was very tickled by it, it's hilarious! Haha:) That statement is obviously made by a guy coz that brand of optimism does not work on the ladies;p I'd like to think that I am 'reasonably unreasonable' too but I'm sure most guys won't buy that either heh:)

It's a lovely day to sleep:) I love the comforting sound of raindrops while I am lying in bed. Never fails to lull me to a deep slumber... The sound of a whirring fan has that same effect on me, I think I hear my bed calling me...

I am heading for a burnout yet again. I've had only 3 miserable hours of sleep and I spent the day running about here and there, doing shit. Huiling is the only other person I know who can keep up with this crazy lifestyle hehe:) We're both really quite mad.

It sucks getting caught in the rain. Just today alone, it happened to me twice. The first time was when I was in Orchard Road and the second, Choa Chu Kang, when I was on my way to my piano teacher's house. It's my fault coz I am not a big fan of umbrellas. I absolutely refuse to carry one around. And I hate raincoats even more. No particular reason. I can't remember when I started hating them but it was not the case in primary school. I loved my pink raincoat back then and I always hoped it'd rain more often so I'd have a chance to wear it haha:)

Jeannie and I met up for awhile in the evening. We ended up reminiscing about all the times we had in primary school. I still can remember all the details as if it only happened yesterday. One particular classmate we had will always remain prominent in our memories. She was weird as a child. Til this day, I am able to recite the 'suicide note' she sent me on one of my birthdays, word for word. It was fucking hilarious. I never saw her again after I graduated from primary school. I am so freaking curious to know what happened to her...

I will blog again tomorrow, before I leave for work... Sweet dreams!

Damn the rain. I woke up at 6 am this morning, just so that I could meet Huiling for an early morning run before she leaves for work. I have not been running with her for some time because we're both so freaking busy. We ran for 9 minutes before it starting pouring. We had to take shelter under a block, so we spent the time catching up... arranged to run again tomorrow morning heh:) I know I am getting my strength and stamina back because I did not even break into a sweat this morning.

The situation in my room still leaves much to be desired... My mom says she may think about renovating the whole house. Just as well, it's about time. Maybe it'll shift my life out of stagnancy. I still have so much to acheive and I need to be inspired! *sigh*

By the way, I am damn pissed with my mom. I know she went through my phone this morning. I told her I knew, without being confrontational. It took a lot for me to keep my cool coz I absolutely hate anyone to invade my privacy in this manner. I do not have anything to hide but that was just plain sneaky. Anyway, I am not talking to her now.

Fukuoka, Japan was just lovely! I simply love the hotel! The bed was so comfortable, really beautiful bathroom and so damn convenient. The hotel was linked to a shopping centre. The stay was so short that we could only hang out around the hotel. It was an easy-peasy flight too;p Great set of crew, I am still a firm believer that a flight can be damn challenging but if you have good colleagues, you can get through anything! I had positive comments from a check trainer too even though I wasn't on check:)

I feel like I have lost someone, it is probably better this way for now, I just hope it is not forever. But then again, who knows such things? Life is full of unexpected surprises...

I have an inkling about what has been making feel so fucked up these few days. I am just simply too hard on myself. I try to do too many things at a time... juggle work, driving and piano lessons, gym sessions and then meeting up with friends. I sleep really little. My mind tells me I can handle it all but my body can't, especially so after being sick for 2 freaking weeks.

Lesson learnt, I am no superwoman. I am actually damn stressed up without feeling it or realizing it. Yesterday was a good example. My mind was not functioning and I was in a daze. I was driving really dangerously and my instructor was exasperated with me:( Can't blame him though, I kept changing gears without engaging the clutch fully and I nearly broke the gear box. Another car nearly collided with me coz I switched lanes suddenly without checking. I was mildly traumatized man but I'm over it now.

I find it especially hard to accept failure because I know that I can acheive so much if only I put in more effort. God, I need motivation... I need to get my priorities right. The onus is on me.

I don't really like the way I look most of the time. And if I don't look good, my enthusiasm and drive just plummets, almost rock bottom. And who do I have to blame? As usual, me. I eat like a god damn pig, even more than some guys. All the exercise I do is just maintaining my body but I am not losing any weight. :(

Lucky me, I got activated for for Fukuoka, Japan tonight, disrupting my flight to Adelaide tomorrow. I am not too happy because it ruined my plans. Also, I woke up at 5 am and now I have to work overnight. More damage to my brain cells, gonna become a bimbo at this rate... hehe:) I'd better not complain too much, at least the company loves me enough to make me work and it really isn't such a bad flight... my first time there too! At least I had ample notice and I don't have to paint my nails on the cab heh...

Going for dinner now... to my babes, especially Julz and Judy... I miss you all so very much! We really much meet up when our schedules aren't so crazy... *hugz*

I have been behaving very badly these few days, I wonder what's up with me... I must stop being such a bitch to the people who put up with my crap. One minute, I'd be all nice and sweet... but the moment I get peeved, I'd be all cold and seriously screwed up. I get annoyed really easily.

Undeniably, only one person will take my nonsense, my ex-b/f. I think if I behaved the way I did to my other friends, I'd have no friends left haha:) He has been exceptionally sweet and tolerant and I admit I am taking him for granted. He told me he will put up with it but he'll slowly try to change me. I'd have to say his approach is working. He's such a dear...:)

Just ignore me, I'm just finding fault... I am so sleepy now and my brain juice needs recharging. Gonna meet my babe Nicole for a sun-tanning session later on... Nicky is already snoring beside me. So cute man! I didn't know dogs could snore:) He dreams too... I know... Sometimes, his paws would move in a running motion and his eyes would be darting from side to side behind closed lids. Chasing rabbits in his sleep:) How awfully adorable!

Need to catch some sleep of my own now.

Hiya! I'm back again, this time from Beijing. Kenna activated again, luckily the rest of my roster is not disrupted man, finding it a challenge to cope with the sudden changes in my schedule. I'd have to go through the hassle of re-arranging all my appointments and believe me, it is not a fun thing to do.

I am in desperate need for organization in my life!!! My room is in a freaking mess, it's a disgrace! God, I need a system here! That'll be my new project from now on, reorganization. Once I have that under control, I'll be a much happier person. I'm so disorganized that I forget I have driving lessons so many times and end up paying for lessons I don't attend. To be honest, I don't even know what insurance policies and investment-link policies I have, plus my finances are in a mess! That is dangerous, very, very dangerous...

Speaking of finances, I must seriously change my spending habits. It is getting out of hand. Yeah, I do have quite a bit of savings and an endowment plan, but I can really save so much more. The stupid Amore package is one example, 44 sessions expired just like that. Still feeling damn fucked about it. Another example is spending on a facial package I DO NOT NEED. It didn't do shit for me coz my skin is already very good. And did I mention how many cosmetics and cosmetics I have? I can practically set up a shop, I have everything for every occasion. Facial masks, eye creams, moisturizers, lip glosses, hairsprays, shampoos, you name it. I have them all... all in excess and half-used. I even have to resort to using my expensive moisturizers on my neck and to moisturize my body so that it will not go to waste. Terrible, just terrible:(

I have so many clothes, shoes and accessories but I always end up wearing the same old boring clothes and accessories. My style of dressing is usually very simple, always jeans and some top and the same old pair of heels. Sometimes if I feel good about myself, I'd dress up a bit more. Need a bit more organization in that area too so I can at least rotate what I already have and stop buying so many. Just today alone, I bought 5 tops... !!! It would help a lot if I didn't feel fat all the time hehe;p

I don't even wanna talk about how much I eat these days and it is getting a little out of hand. From tomorrow, I will stop all this binging nonsense. The only consolation is I have not gained any weight, YET. Since I get hungry easily, I need to eat healthier food and in smaller portions.

You don't need the start of a new year to have a resolution. Mine starts now. So much for ranting, I'll stop here and get some sleep now. Later!

Have not been updating for a few days, got whisked away from Singapore at very short notice. Guess what? I got activated to fly to Auckland, just got back from the 4 day flight last night! Bye bye Dubai-Istanbul... they disrupted my flight, but oh well, it happens.

I am partly to blame too, went out on the day I was on standby. Damn unfortunate to be activated, at such short notice too. Was disorientated and my nerves were totally frazzled. Managed to reach the control centre just before the briefing started coz there was a jam on the PIE. I painted my nails in the cab and it was in a mess, even managed to get nail polish on my handbag too hehe:) What a dork...

Had to hide my hands from the crew in the lift to the control centre by wearing a big, friendly smile and hiding my hands... then rushed straight to the toilet to scrape the excess polish off my cuticles. It's a tough feat trying to be nonchalant about doing it when crew were walking in and out of the toilet. Man...

Full load both ways, big surprise there... I'm being sarcastic of course, it's almost always a full load. There were a lot of English people on the flight. They were all travelling to Auckland to see a big rugby match, Lions vs. All Blacks. I had to work really, really hard but it was a pleasant flight overall, both ways. Singapore Sling was such a popular drink that we had to prepare 64 glasses of the cocktail. LOL;p

Oh, in my previous entry, I said I didn't like kids very much, I'm tolerant of them at most. It's weird but they don't seem to share the same sentiments about me. There was a kid on the flight back to Singapore. He had a really bad panic attack when the plane was about to take off and all. I was quite scared coz he kept screaming and saying he wants to get off the plane and I didn't know what to do, to be honest. His mom couldn't calm him down at all. I did the best I could and to my astonishment, he calmed down and he seemed comforted by my words and my presence. The mom was asking for me again when we were about to touch down... she said I had a magic touch. He was getting jittery again, the poor boy. True enough he calmed down when I spoke to him again. This is so strange considering I am really not good with kids at all, I mean I don't even know how to play with them or entertain them... On handling the situation, the fact that I am able to do something to make another person feel better gives me a good feeling...

I am beginning to fall in love with New Zealand. Some day, I'd love to migrate there. I can't explain it, I feel so at home when I'm there, it's a great place, I like everything about the country.:) Peaceful and laid-back, my kinda life...

Aside from the fact that my head hurts and my eyes are gonna pop out of their sockets from all that coughing, I feel like I've almost totally recovered... YAY!!!!!!!!:D

When I was in primary school and secondary school, I always hoped to get sick so I'd have an excuse not to go to school. It hardly happened though, much to my disappointment hehe:) Now, when I DO NOT want to fall sick, I fall sick in a major way. Like the time I had to be hospitalized for tonsillitis for 3 nights when I was still under probation. I do not ever wanna go through all that suffering ever again. So, I must be a good gal now. Eat plenty of fruits and veggies, exercise, watch my diet, eat my multi-vitamins and most importantly, have ample rest. Which means I will try not to be too obliging to other people at the expense of my rest. I shall not try to be a heroine and attempt to do more than what my body can handle.

I will start running again tomorrow morning if I am not activated for flight. Finally!!! Nothing too ambitious though, just half an hour or so:) Jeannie will be joining me if she can wake up hehe:)

I will now listen to Jessica and go to sleep. (Thanks for your concern gal)*hugz*:)
Later peeps!

I am feeling god damn sorry for myself... :( Spent the night coughing my guts out... My adominal muscles are now aching so much from all that coughing. Even my shoulder blades and collar bones are not spared from the pain either. I got another 2 days' MC from the doctor yesterday coz I was not fit for duty. That's a total of 4 days of medical leave. The doctor said I will take about a week to recover... I have been sick for 2 weeks already! I really can't wait to get better, so I can resume my normal routine.

At least I eat a lot less when I am ill and I don't have cravings for junk food;p What's weird though, I don't find myself getting any slimmer. I thought most people usually lose a lot of weight when they are sick? How come it ain't happening to me?!?:( Not fair.

Poor poor Vanny... *sigh*

I think I shall try to cheer myself up by buying stuff. Oooh, lookie what I found!

Prismatic stained glass butterfly, oh so pretty!

I am in love with this:)

Simply gorgeous...

Another fantastic design:)

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Intricate butterfly in pink crystals, I love butterflies:)

Yet another butterfly design, I like it better than the previous one because of the enamel butterfly...

So cute!

I want them all! Hahahahaha:)

I could not get out of bed this morning... I feel like I pulled every muscle in my body. fortunately my mommy came to check on me. She gave me my painkillers and turn off the air-conditioning. I could only sit up after the medicine took its effect. Well, at least the fever's gone now, a good sign that the inflammation is subsiding. I am still coughing like anything and that sucks big time coz my sides feel like splitting everytime that happens.:(

I am feeling so helpless and unhappy... can you blame me? I have not been well for the past 2 weeks or so. The only consolation is that I have is that there are people who really care about me... I am grateful for that. I received a sweet message this morning... I was pleasantly surprised and it put a smile on my face:)

That's all for now, I need to rest a little more. I really hope I get better soon... It is killing me:(

Reported sick for tommorrow's flight... I am totally not fit for duty. I dread coughing, My sides ache so much whenever I do. I hope I feel better tomorrow...

I am in so much pain that my muscles protest in agony everytime I make a movement. Even something as simple as lifting my legs up or walking requires a huge effort. I was shivering the whole of last night and had a really high fever throughout the night. The worst are the wheezing and the hacking coughs. I am forced to double up in pain whenever I have to cough. :( I am thoroughtly, thoroughly miserable...

I have been sick for almost 2 weeks now. Just as I was recovering from my asthma attack last week, I had another one, even more severe than the last. On top of that, I have a viral infection that's causing the fever and the aching pains. I had to miss the 2nd day of the company's annual sports meet today... I was supposed to run the 100m even and the 4x100m relay, both my pet events. I attended the first day of the sports meet yesterday. I placed 3rd in both the long jump and the 200m events I took part in. Not too bad, considering my condition.

I am still contemplating whether to report sick for tomorrow's flight to Melbourne. The doctor gave me so much medicine and 2 days' MC. I guess if I am still not well by tonight, I won't work.

Oh my poor poor head... I think I need to sleep some more.

I don't believe this... 44 sessions that's gonna go to waste... How am I gonna use up 44 sessions by the 5th of July? *sigh* I will write a letter to Amore Fitness and try and talk to them for an extension. I will never allow this to happen to me again. Sheer waste of money. God. Kicking myself now...I would have gone more often... if the classes weren't so yawn-inducing.

I don't think I can do Yoga or Pilates, just not my thing. I need something faster and more exhilarating and I love to sweat it out. In short, I need my intensive cardiovascular workout. I shall stick to my running routine and combat classes in the future. Well, I still have my California Fitness membership to fall back on. That had better not go to waste.

Oh I did my grocery shopping after Yoga class just now. I now know what it feels like to carry a bag of rice and walk around. So now I'll be prepared to carry chocolates worth the weight of a bag of rice and walk in the freezing cold. Oh yes, I'm gonna enjoy this. HAH.

Time to work, Bangkok should be fun.

This entry concludes my 22nd birthday on 19th June 2005. It has got to be the most memorable and meaningful birthday in all my 22 years.:) No, I did not have a big bithday bash or a wild drinking session get myself sloshed. My idea of a quality celebration is when it is spent with different groups of people all closest to my heart. I would like to thank everyone for all their birthday wishes and for making it so special for me in all its simplicity.:) Especially to the one who put in all the effort to give me the most beautiful memories of my birthday...:)

That aside, I have been sick since I came back from Perth on the 16th til now. It started with a sore throat and a hacking cough, then I lost my voice on the 17th and I had an asthma attack yesterday. Was wheezing the whole day and I had difficulty breathing. I was sick throughout the duration of my birthday celebrations. Screw the fucking weather...

I have not been running for a week!!!:( When I was feeling well, I could run for an hour at a moderate pace and still have a conversation while running. Now, I get breathless just climbing a flight of stairs. Even standing at the taxi queue makes me feel faint. I HATE feeling so sick and weak and lethargic:( I can't wait to get better so I can get back to my normal routine.

Speaking of taxis... if you wanna flag a cab, don't wait at the taxi stand from 11.30pm to 11.55pm. Trust me on this. You can wait for half an hour and all the cabs will miraculously appear at the stroke of midnight. Heh...

Enough blogging for now, I need to prepare to go for work. Fortunately it's just a jakarta turn. Short and sweet. I can handle it.

Before I go, click here for some pictures.

If I have to eat another buffet again, I'll scream. 'Buffet' is a dirty word to me. It gives you the perfect excuse to binge and binge just to get your money's worth and then you'd feel all bloated and crappy. I had a lunch buffet when I was in Perth, coz everyone was having the buffet. When I came back to Singapore, I had a dinner buffet at Greenhouse at the Ritz Carlton the day I touched down. To make matters worse, I am getting my PMS symptoms early, which means I tend to eat a lot more. Wah lau eh... Nicole once remarked that I 'forever PMS'... Maybe she's right, it's just an excuse for my monthly bitch fits hehe:) Honourable mention, most people have been tolerant with me but someone has been taking the full brunt of my bad behavior. I'm impressed...

Sidetracking a little... I absolutely detest the words 'fleshy' or 'voluptuous'. They are T-A-B-O-O. Don't use them on me if you do not what to piss me off. Someone said to me that if guys think that you are fleshy, it means they are thinking about sex. What the fuck? What the fuck is that all about? I'm sorry but I think that is bullshit. HmmMPH!!!

I am sick with a sore throat and a bad cough at the moment so I can't go running or work out until I get better:( The weird thing is, the more I sleep, the more tired and weaker I become. I've been sleeping rather well these past few days and then I fall sick. When I sleep 5 hours a day, I'm always full of energy and zest. It remains a mystery to me.

Anyway, gotta go now, not gonna blog about Paris, forgotten the events and where I've been too heh. I'll leave some pictures I took. Pardon my poor photography skills though. Click here to view them

I have a lot of plans lined up, up til my birthday:) Small quiet celebrations, just my kinda thing:)

I'm sorry but this is gonna be one boring entry with no pictures coz I am too lazy and I don't have the time and patience to put up any.

I have pictures I took in Paris but coz I look like shit in all of them, I'm contemplating against it. haha:)

6 more days til I turn 22... For now, I'll delude myself and enjoy being 21 for until my birthday. Gosh, do I feel old... It seems like just yesterday that I was 18, then abruptly the realization hits you that you are freaking 22! Woah... whatever happened in the space of 4 years?

I am gonna have small quiet celebrations with the people I love most in my life. I have never believed in huge birthday bashes. Even my 21st birthday was spent quietly but it was meaningful. I do not like not being able to focus my full attention on my friends and family. Anyway, I actually dislike entertaining people and I'm too lazy to plan anything hehehehe;p

I hardly have time to blog as much lately. The past week has been a whirlwind of events. It's too personal for me to blog about it but it involves the matters of the heart. To that person, I am glad our lives touched at some point or another, albeit briefly. The impact you have made in my life is more prominent than you can imagine... That's all I'll say for now.

Ok, I'm in a fucking shitty mood now but I'll still put on my smile for work. Like this, :D. A good friend of mine once told me, when you feel down, a smile can lift your spirits. I find it works for me so it's great advice.

I really enjoyed my time in Paris. And no. I did not get any LV, or Chanel or Gucci for that matter;p I will blog more about it when I get back from Perth. Might upload a few of the pictures I took there. Bleah...

Your Birthdate: June 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path. But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well. Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences. The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married. You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Experimenting You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them. You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas. The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations. You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Modifying Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you. You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion. You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested. You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Phew, I am finally able to catch my breath again. I have not blogged in quite some time and I do not know where to start. It has been a really busy week, shuttling between flights, meeting up with people and doing whatever I have to do. I slept so little for the past few days, about 2-4 hours sleep every night, and I'll be out the next day from morning til the wee hours in the morning.

Bitching time. I have no love for kids. Obviously, my maternal instincts have not kicked in yet. I mean I don't hate them or anything but I am tolerant at most. I only like well-behaved ones and I really dislike noisy, out-of-control kids running around and being a pure nuisance.

I especially dislike kids who are vocal and demanding. My God. They are irritants. I swear.

Have you ever had to handle a flight full of kids on an exchange program or a school trip from China? That is still one of my nightmares to date. They would be all over the place when you're trying to conduct the meal service and practically yelling for my attention. When you offer them what you have on the cart, they'd want something else and even 2nd serving. They were so surprised I spoke to them in Mandarin, coz I don't look very Chinese to some people. I should have gone on pretending hehehe:)

I even had a fucking kid who demanded that I look for his fucking BOTTLE CAP when I was busy boarding a hoard of passengers. A fucking BOTTLE CAP mind you. I am lucky his parents were understanding when I explained to them that I have to board ALL the passengers before I go looking for the GOD DAMN FUCKING BOTTLE CAP. I shall not disclose the country they are from:)

A day ago, I did a Penang turnaround flight. Flight time was 1 hour and it was a full load both ways. There were this 2 kids, they are from the same country as the kid mentioned above btw:) Kept pressing the call attendent button repeatedly and demanding for TV and games. But there ain't no TV or games on a 1 hour flight, I had to explain that to the parents. Parents said ok but the kids still kept pressing the call attendent button and asking for the same thing. The kid could speak better English than his parents and he told me he wanted to eat NOW when I was busy boarding like 30 passengers... There was a short taxi-way, meaning I have to make sure everyone is seated as fast as I can.

...

...

It took every effort to control my facial muscles. The hair pins holding my French twist were threatening to pop out of my hair. I was not rude or anything but I am usually not so mean.

Oh and the kid unfastened his seat belt and started walking down the cabin and said he wanted to go to the toilet, when the plane was landing and it was very close to the ground. I had to get out of my seat and bring him back to the seat and told him to wait til the plane stops moving.

To be fair to them, they weren't rude or anything. But I felt the parents should have disciplined the kids more. I hate to think what they'd be like as teenagers or adults. Anyhoo, I was 'traumatized' after that, that I even dreamt of this little gal, about 5-10 years old, with her mother on the plane that night. She was really cute and she asked me for something. I told her to wait awhile. Suddenly, she screamed 'KNN CCB!!!!!!!!!!!' and started using a whole slew of Hokkien expletives at me. WHOA. I hope THAT doesn't come true.

I am so excited! I'll be flying to Paris tonight! It is my first time there by the way and I've always wanted to go! It is my team flight and I have a few friends rostered for that flight as well. Yay! It is gonna be so fun:)

I think I'll go running again before the flight, even though I'm aching all over. I need my cardio fix and I've been eating way too much again. There is no gym in the hotel in Paris:( Til then!