I don't like.

I do not like it when random strangers add me on Facebook or MSN especially if I do not know them and have no link to them whatsoever, without prior introduction.

I am also not too hot on the idea of joining a cell group. I know it will be good for me if I do, but I am simply not ready to commit that time just yet. I trust the Lord, but I do not trust some of God's people. I wonder why I am shrinking back into my shell when I don't have a reason to be.

I am becoming less tolerant and more judgemental and I do not feel like talking about it now. There's been no drama so far because I keep it in but hell, I do not feel good about it. I must sort myself out but I do not feel like talking about it.

There are days where I feel that the optimism has been drained out of me and today is such a day. Things, other than the weather, look dismal at times. Progress-wise, things are good but it is the environment that gets you down sometimes. It is very hard to put into words what I am feeling but I feel like I am losing myself. I am a shadow of my former self and I feel shut off from the rest of the world.

It is a balance that is very hard to strike. Sometimes there is just no one to turn to, but God.

I am not a saint and I try not to judge anyone if I can help it. But I must say that, it is disturbing to know certain things about people whom I am friends or acquaintences with. I will not elaborate further as it is not my business to discuss these things on my blog but I am absolutely disappointed in some of them. Especially those I have always had a high regard for. It is often harder to accept if the guy or girl is perceived as a good, solid character in the eyes of everyone. It is a kind of betrayal and a very big one at that. Needless to say, if the offending party has always been an asshole, people will just dismiss it without much hooha.

It is no use appearing so nice and helpful and then screw up people's opinion of you later on. Bah.

This phase in my life is probably the happiest and most fulfilling one for me, but yet, I cannot detail my experiences here, as it would give too much away. Some things are best kept low profile so that leaves nothing much to write about.

I have had numerous internal struggles in the past and there were many instances where I felt vulnerable and exposed. But now, I finally know how it feels like to be in a happy bubble, because I am in one right now, for the first time in a decade or so. I must say, it feels very nice, Time seems to pass a little slower here, probably due to the relaxed pace of life and even better, that I get to spend it with Viv and pursuing that dream. I am indeed in a world of two and everything is harmoniously in its place. Yet I do know that I must strike a balance and that I must not lose sight of the goal.

The feeling of detachment surfaces every now and then and I feel cut off from reality. Though, I have a peace of mind and have no immediate worries, I must be careful not to lose sight of my purpose in life. When people have to struggle with themselves and their circumstances, they grow spiritually and become stronger. But yet, when there is harmony, there is no growth and the soul continues to search for something. I am missing that spark and I need to rekindle the flame of the fire that used to burn within me.

Life is an anomaly, isn't it?

A week has passed since the day I left. Everything happened so quickly that I did not have time to say goodbye to everyone. The results were only released a couple of hours before I was scheduled to leave. To cut the long story short, I did not heed the advice to postpone my ticket as I just knew the results would be out and that I would pass. The gamble paid off and though it was a mad rush that day, I arrived at my destination without any drama. The face that I have been wanting to see the most greeted me at the airport and I was overwhelmed by the feelings welling up in me. It is a great start to a new chapter in my life that is just about to begin.

So here I am in Jandakot after a long period of waiting and it has been lovely so far. There is still a lot to get used to but I have gotten myself settled in pretty quickly. Over here, it is very easy to be lulled into a false sense of security because things are moving at a pace that is a tad too slow. It is almost like being on holiday but at the back of my mind, I know what I am here for and that I cannot afford to slack.

Yesterday, I went to a church and it really feels like back home. I know that God is always here for me and He is the reason that I am here now. There is that underlying fear and apprehension but I must let that all go and rest it in Him.

Results are not out yet, most likely Monday, which is also the day I booked my ticket to leave. Luckily it is a night flight, so I can still make it, IF the results come out Monday. So I will just do clearance first.

Feeling the angst from all the waiting. I hate to wait.

Nabei. Uncle P was not exaggerating when he said he said even a Form 5 student can solve some of the stuff we learn in college.

I was presented with this problem today:

89, 72, 77, 49, 54, 20, __, __

What is the last two numbers? It took me about 5 minutes to spot the pattern. There are freaking two patterns ok!!! And it is not multiple choice.

The solution:

Part 1
8 x 9 = 72
7 x 7 = 49
5 x 4 = 20

Part 2
72 + 5 = 77
49 + 5 = 54

Therefore, the last two numbers are 20 + 5 = 25 and 2 x 5 = 10

..........

..........

..........

Apparently, that problem is taken from a freaking Primary 4 Mathematics syllabus for streaming purposes in a neighbourhood school. WTF! They are really grooming the next generation to become geniuses.

Oh well, I hope they work on their EQ too. Some Singaporean kids are so spoilt rotten that they deserve a good spanking or two.

It's me again. My backside is itching and I am raring to go. I really, really, really cannot wait to catch a whiff of AVGAS. It is only then that I know I am finally at the place where my adventure begins again.

Also, I miss Viv and I want to be with him even though I am slightly allergic to him.;p Hehe!

I am very happy to be back in touch with 2 friends whom I have lost contact with. The strange thing is, I was just wondering about them a few days back and it was indeed a very heartwarming surprise when I got their messages in Facebook. God who created the universe works in wondrous ways.

I have come to realize this, whatever I have pictured fondly in my mind are playing themselves out in reality now. And whatever I fear and do not want can become reality too. So in conclusion, I will only keep fond images in my head and eradicate all fears and worries and trust in the Lord.

I am very free nowadays but I have no mood to blog. The lift upgrading works have been nothing but absolute torture. The noise is so loud that I cannot even hear myself speak and my whole house is vibrating. Today, the workers reduced the lift landing outside my unit to a pile of rubble. I cannot even bring my poor doggies out for a walk, because they have no place to walk and the debris will hurt their paw pads.

Needless to say, I am in a very cranky mood.

Results are still not out yet and to be honest, I won't be surprised if they are not out by tomorrow. Lately, there has been a lot of delays in releasing the results. All set to go but cannot go anywhere. Ok bye!

Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had on Piano

Julz sent me this link via email, one of the best versions of it I have heard. Enjoy!:)

What will I do? Should I be caught in an icky situation that calls for me to make a split second decision, what will I do? Will I be able to make that snap decision that does not embarrass me or worse, get me killed? What if there is a lot at stake? Will I be able to walk away from an incident knowing that I could have made no better decision?

Of course, in my calm state of mind right now, I would possibly be able to execute a good snap judgement. But it is all very different when the mind is in a state of total panic and chaos. In whatever case, I will just let God take the wheel.

Nothing new in my life. Still in the process of packing and getting rid of stuff. And since my mom is away til Sunday to visit a relative, I have been saddled with the housework and cleaning up after everyone.

This sucks. I hate it.

Miko has adopted me as her surrogate mother for the time being and she has taken to following me everywhere with a woebegone look on her face, never letting me out of her sight. Even from where I sit, I can feel her eyes burning holes into my back.

The incessant drilling that has been going on is driving me nuts and I can get no peace. Anyhow, the excitement that has been bubbling up in me is keeping me positive. I cannot wait!

This is so not funny at all. I did not realize how much stuff I have cluttering my room. No more things! No more! I will promise myself only to buy things I really, really like.

Oh my God. I discovered a ton of clothes I have never worn and I don't like them anymore. Donate!

How did I end up with SO MUCH stuff? It is unbelievable. Today, I am going going to clearing up the clutter in my room. It is going to be a bitch but I will feel a lot better once it's done.

Starting will be the hardest thing to do.