Friday, December 31, 2004

I've got my issues sorted out, it's great and I'm going on to the year 2005 with a big smile:) A brand new year and I'm determined to make the most outta it. My New Year resolutions are very simple, I just want to live my life the best way that I know how, look the best I can and not be affected by negativity. The year 2004 has been quite an eventful one. Plenty of ups and downs but I'm happy to say that I'm more happy than upset nevertheless. I should really count my blessings and learn to be more content. Life is just so precious, you'll never know when it is gonna be taken away from you, just like that... My deep condolences goes out to all the victims and their families of Tsunami... Really, really tragic... *sigh*

I wish everyone a blessed and prosperous New Year. I hope the year 2005 will be a fulfilling one and that everyone will have excellent health and happiness.:)

Alrightie, my entry ends here, gotta prepare for a turnaround flight.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Today's entry is just lyrics to a song I really, really like. Hell, even my dad likes it haha:) I Want to Break Free by Queen. This song describes precisely what I'm feeling right now and just pretty much sums up everything.

I want to break free, I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
It's strange but it's true
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure, When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby, Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see, I've got to break free
I've got to break free, I want to break free, yeah
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free....

Monday, December 27, 2004

Heya everyone, just got home from London this afternoon. Spent Christmas eve and Christmas there. Overall, it was okay, just a nice quiet celebration with the crew at the hotel, nothing too fancy. It was so cold in London. I've not experenced such cold. When I was walking on the streets, my ears were actually frozen and I had a headache. I was so worried my ears would freeze and drop off lol;p There was nothing much to see or buy as most of the shops were closed. Just as well, I had no mood to shop anyway.

I am rather hurt and disappointed by the cool reception that I got from him. I mean I was away for like 5 days and he just didn't even give a damn. I was so looking forward to talk to him when I got back and he had to rain on my parade. In fact, he only called me to ask what I'm doing and he was so cold and abrupt and had nothing to say to me. Just wasn't acting like his usual self. When I tried to ask him what was eating him. Just gave me sarcastic remarks. Bloody fuck, he was not happy I did not call or message him rightaway when I touched down. Do I deserve it? I do not think so. Yeah, I know he's tired, but what about me? I worked for 13 hours and I still have to adjust to the jet lag. He's right when he told me it is just not gonna be the same anymore after the fallout that we had. I'm beginning to see it now... that sucks, it really does. Just feeling really shit right now. Maybe it just ain't worth it.

Anyhoo, gonna crash right now, see ya...

Thursday, December 23, 2004

This is the 3rd Christmas that my baby and I are together, only that this time I won't be spending it with him.:( If it's any consolation, I'll be be able to spend New Year's Eve and New Year with him. Yep! It's a brand new year and a brand new start. Not just for me, but for everyone. I will think of a list of New Year Resolutions and I'll try my best not to break any of it, or rather most of it heh:)

Anyhoo, it's been a while since I updated. Nothing much going on with my life coz it's all good at the mo. Strange, but I don't feel the Christmas mood at all. When I go and walk about town, all I see are people, people and more people. Enough to kill my mood for shopping and savouring the Christmassy sights. My mom did not even take out the Christmas tree this year coz of my 2 dogs. Knowing them, they'll just destroy the tree and play with the decorations heh... I'll be spending Christmas in London, together with my team. Though, it is not the same as spending it with my loved ones. Oh well...

Nevertheless, I hope this Christmas of 2004 will be a meaningful and fulfilling one. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and may it be filled with joy, laughter and peace!:)

Monday, December 20, 2004

I'm in a state of confusion. So many plans for myself, so many things I wanna do and accomplish. It's all not taking shape yet as I don't know where to start. I am exploring a few avenues, but I won't venture into it unless I know I can make it. I need to find that special meaning in life. Something to live for and something to look forward to. I don't want to go through the motions of 'just doing my job'. Everyone needs a drive and passion for something in order to excel. I just want to find that motivation so I can be the best at what i love to do... I really look up to those people who overcame the greatest odds and have acheived do much for themselves. I hope I can be like that one day:)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

I'm back! Back from Melbourne and from the despondent mood of my earlier post... I'm glad I listened to my gal friend and called him before I left. I'm the sort of person who has to have things settled, no 'unfinished business' shit for me. So anyhoo, he was willing to talk this time round an I guess things are looking up at least. But it won't be the same anymore, not for some time. Oh well...

At least I was able to go to work without that emotional tangle bogging my spirits and my mind down. The load to Melbourne was full on both ways and up. Was a busy, busy, busy flight. Encountered a grouchy and unaccomodating passenger seated on my side of the aisle. Luckily, I managed to appease him by changing his seat coz his entertainment system was down. It was still not working despite having it reset twice. He only wanted a window seat or an aisle seat which was a challenge coz the load was so full. Thank God there was a window seat in front and I had to find space to stow his stupid luggage. It was so damn heavy and he just stood there while I opened all the overhead compartments to look for space. It was all full, I had to rearrange everything. All this at the busiest time of the flight. Sheesh... At least, he was quiet after that.

Was quite a challenging flight for me. The main reason being my contact lenses. I wore the wrong pair and since I was crying before the flight, my eyes were so dry and my vision was so blur, I felt like I was in a daze half the time. Eyedrops didn't work at all. My nose and ears were blocked. I couldn't breathe or hear properly and I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before. Wah lau eh...

One bitchy colleague made made me slap her bloody face. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to work with her. She was one of the more senior ones. Since I was still relatively new, she was not so nice to me. She was not nice to the other junior crew as well. But was all sweet and smiling to the more senior crew. Lol... I can only conclude one thing, it goes to show how sincere she really is. I mean if you're really nice, you're nice to everyone. You don't pick and choose who you want to be nice to.

Nice Sunday ahead of me, feels good to be back:) To everyone who was concerned about me... Thank you... Cheered up me:)


Thursday, December 16, 2004

I deleted my previous entry... it was a very somber one. Wonderful how things can just take a sudden dive for the worst. I guess I need to go away for awhile and find myself all over again. Thank god for my dear friends... what would I do without them? I do not know...

This morning, my dogs could sense my pain, I just cannot stop crying, even until now. They comforted me, licking away my tears and all... I've been crying the whole night and my eyes are all puffy and swollen now. Still I must go on...

Today I go to work with a heavy heart... Why doesn't happiness last forever? Please let me be strong...

Monday, December 13, 2004

Have you ever heard of the saying "Curiosity killed the cat"? I am a very firm believer of this quote and I'm speaking from my own experiences which I shan't elaborate on. All I can say is, they weren't good experiences and I have learnt the hard way... Anyway, I was reminded of this quote coz of the talk I had with my darling. Lately, he has been demanding to know a lot of things, things which I find are kinda out of point. When I refuse to tell him, he gets even more curious and he won't talk to me until I tell him what he wants to know. Let me just emphasize that it's not that I have something to hide, it's just that I have my moods and I do not like to entertain questions which I deem are silly and out of point. When I ask him why he wants to know, he just said he's a very curious person. So I told him that if doesn't stop this shit, he'll get his fingers burnt one day. Silly baby... heh.

I dropped my phone yesterday!!! Was so upset since it's only a few days old and it has scratches now:( It's fortunate it's not a PDA smartphone or a Motorola Razr V3... else I'd be cussing all the way. Oh well... my block leave is coming to an end, gotta work again this Thursday and I can bet I'll be working my ass off. It's the holiday season after all and I have flights to all the popular holiday destinations...

Anyhoo, I attended my gal friend's wedding yesterday! I don't know why but I feel so happy for her. I know that the man who's now her husband, will treat her very well and she deserves all of it. Speaking of which, I wonder what it's like to be married? It'll be some years before it'll be my turn to walk down the aisle... or maybe not... Moving on, I caught National Treasure on Saturday. It's quite a good show, everything in the storyline fits nicely together and it was nicely wrapped up. Not like Alexander, which was a crap show. Enough said.

My poor baby... think he's under a lot of stress, he's so busy with army and his part-time degree course that he hardly has time for himself, much less, time for me. I admit I have not been helping by being a bitch sometimes... I apologized to him yesterday though... I will make the effort to be more understanding and everything... :)

Friday, December 10, 2004

I witnessed something which I found amusing when I met my cousin, Ailin for lunch this afternoon. We walked out of Raffles Place MRT station and saw a rather large crowd at the entrance. There was quite a ruckus and that piqued our curiosity and so we walked closer. People were actually swarming over, like ants, for a free copy of the TODAY newspaper. Wah lau eh... please man, it's just a freaking newspaper? But you should have seen the way some of them were going for their free copy, like so freaking scared they won't have their FREE copy. Honestly, what gives? Sheeesh...

Had sushi with Ailin and we had a good long talk. I really enjoyed her company... I mean we used to be so close and it's rather rare we have such an opportunity to meet up, much less talk:) She had a 2 hour lunch break since her boss was not around wahahaha:)

So it's a rainy Friday night and I'm at home now. Home on a Friday, while my baby is partying away at China Black, without me! Ah well, guys need their space too, ain't that right? I'll just enjoy a quiet night in.:)
I am a real tech dud. Everyone's blog's are like so much nicer and so much more personalized than mine. I don't even know how to link, change the colour of the fonts or insert a tag board... Aiyoh... Maybe I'm just lazy to find out heh heh heh;p

Erm... kinda embarrassed to admit this but I have not figured out how to use the Bluetooth function on my phone... Can't blame me right? First time I'm owning a phone like that:( I WILL figure it out somehow, once I get used to the phone:)

Jessica wants me to go sky-diving with her when we go to Christchurh . I don't think I have the guts man. It's my absolute phobia. I'm a real chicken when it comes to these kinda activities. Oh someone please pluck my feathers or something, need the courage. Okay, THAT was lame hehehe;p

I need a new hobby. Or I should really force myself to practice the piano. It's about time I push myself. *sigh* Or maybe, I'll just go do cross-stitch, used to enjoy that a lot when I was younger. I managed to complete everything ONCE. I guess it says something about me...I tend to leave things unfinished. Not good at all...
Oh well, gonna go for pilates class yet again. Need to stretch out those tired muscles.

Cya peeps! *muakz*

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I cried tonight. What a way to end an already screwed up night eh? As if things couldn't get worse. For starters, we (my buddy and I) waited an hour plus for our team gal to arrive at Attica. During which, we had to endure this tai tai friend of hers who arrived earlier. She was damn scary by the way, looks like the sort who can gobble you up and spit you out whole. She was quite loud in my opinion. *shudders* Anyhoo, we decided we just had to leave. It would have been social suicide to stay longer. I can only conclude that I'm not cut out to be a tai tai, yet. hehe;p

Jess and I decided to head down to zouk for fun and suss out the scene. The last time i went to Zouk on a Wednesday night was like 2 years back. I swear the crowd has doubled since. We took 15 mins just to get out. No joke. What's the fucking point of clubbing when everyone is so pressed together that there is no room to dance? Thank God I wore high heels, else I'd have been suffocated and most probably horrors of all horrors, have the misfortune of being a victim of BO. And what the hell? I hate it when people smoke while squeezing through the crowd. Like hello? Fucking no brains and just blardy inconsiderate. Really feel like taking their cigarettes and stubbing it out on their foreheads. Jess felt the same as I did but luckily we had each other so it was a consolation at least.:) Anyway, I will never patronize that place again on Wednesdays.

My night ended in tears of hurt, anger and frustration. It has been a quite some time since I really cried and I am glad I did, it's a form of release for me even though it is a sign of weakness. I shan't elaborate any further coz it's just some issues between my baby and I. This is the story of my life. Oh bummer but it will get better.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Just a lil' gripe. I would like to add that not ONLY gals have their mood swings. Guys have them too and it can get quite bad. HmmMph! :(
I'm in a weird mood today, neither happy nor extremely depressed but floating in between, somehow... I'd describe the feeling as detachment. Detachment towards all things that bother me. That's the way I deal with shit that makes me unhappy. I don't really like to confront, I just prefer not to know certain things. I'd rather be blissfully unaware... Anyway, felt much better after I talked to my baby darling just now. Damn it man, feeling fucking bloated, NEED to DETOX, bad. :(

Gonna be a long night again. Just received a msg to go for drinks with my team. My team gal's getting married soon, so it's a mini celebration thingie, sorta. Wonder if it will be fun? Will post an update later.
If you want very toned abs, do Pilates. Need very strong abdominal muscles and every move seems to emphasize on the abs. It involves very controlled movements and I had a great workout without really breaking a sweat. Think I'm gonna source for some videos on Pilates, then I can do it at home if I'm not free to go for class. Gonna try Yoga next.

Didn't plan to club tonight but I did anyway, last minute thingie. Didn't sit too well with my baby I think... we'll see what happens later on hmm? So anyhoo, I just got back from clubbing at China Black. It has been like 2 years since the last time I went there... was with my 2 cousins and we joined up with her cousin and his friends. I managed to dance quite a bit even though I seem to have lost my zest for partying. It just isn't as fun as it used to be, age must be catching up on me man:( Surprised that I did not even touch alcohol heh;p Overall, it was just ok, nothing fantastic though. More importantly, I enjoyed my cousins' company:)

Time to crash. See ya!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Today's the official start of my block leave, could have gone for a holiday if not for the person who plans our rosters. What I know is, i was originally allocated block leave from the 15th to the 23rd, but somehow my leave got brought forward so it was too late to make any plans by then. Disapointed, yes but oh well.... there's always January.

Having my monthly relapse of anti-social tendencies again. Just not in the mood to meet up for 'coffee' or 'lunch' or 'drinks' or what have you. It is getting harder for me to allow people who are not originally close to me to begin with, get close to me. I guess this stems from the fact that my baby doesn't like it, esp. if they are guys heh... A good thing? Perhaps, less complications, as it has constantly been the source of trouble for me in the past. I will always have time for those I consider my close friends though... those who have seen my lil' bitch fits and yet still able to look past that to see the 'good in me'. haha;p

Speaking of which, my baby caused me to have a hissy fit last night. Amazing how he can rile me up like that. Still a bit buay song (unhappy) today hehehe:) It's a silly love-hate relationship. ARGHhHHh! He won't be able to make me this frustrated if I didn't love him so much...

I have done a lot of damage to my bank account lately. Scary. Thank God, I am able to discipline myself to spend within my means and surprise, surprise, I actually have a long-term savings plan.:) Anyhoo, I accompanied my dad to see his physiotherapist 2 days back, thank god he didn't fracture or break any bones when he fell. He is so much better now and I am relieved. Got to change his dressing later on, at least his wound is healing pretty nicely:)

Oooh, and I got a new phone! Sony Ericsson K700i. Definately not the latest model but I've been eyeing in since it was first released. Gonna familiarize myself with it when I get home... Gotta get ready for my first pilates class now. Ta!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

TAUFIK WON!!!!! Our first ever Singapore Idol and he is sure as hell gonna do us proud!:) He was amazing last night, I never knew such talent existed in Singapore, never! To be honest, I voted for Sylvester coz I couldn't decide who I liked better and I figured Taufik would be getting more votes and that he didn't need my vote. I would be happy if either of them won anyway coz they are both very special in their own right:)

Touched yesterday morning, feels good to be back from Frankfurt! Though, I really enjoyed the flight, the station and working with the crew. It was all good! Excellent in fact! If only every flight can be like this then I won't have qualms about working at all without that sense of dread. The 'P' is missing beside my name on the crew list now. Makes a difference I feel. I can work better if people feel like they don't have to look out for me all the time. :)

All in all, life is good, feeling fat yet again so I'm gonna do something about it. I'm forever feeling fat grrrrr...:( I wonder how long this feeling of calm will last? I feel like I can't enjoy being happy fully, coz it usually means something bad will happen after that, it's a cycle.

Went with my dad to see the doctor this morning. He had a fall and a very bad gash on his hand, and he couldn't move his shoulder and had slight difficulty breathing. That silly man didn't wake me up at night to go to the doctor, suffered for over 10 hours with the pain. The wound looked pretty bad and he put tissue paper over it. Tissue paper over an open wound?? *smacks forehead* Anyway, he feels better after he got the wound cleaned up, so that's a consolation to me as well. I am very worried about him though...:(

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Oh my god... I got a msg from my gal friend this morning... saying she's at the ROMM at that very moment, registering for her marriage! I'm so, so happy for her and I believe that the guy she is marrying is a good person. They are just perfect for each other! Their wedding won't be until March next year but I'll be applying for leave, wouldn't miss it for the world! Not if I can help it:) So many of my friends are getting married, one after another. I'll be attending another gal friend's wedding on the 12th of December.:) Cool, can't wait:) It's the perfect opportunity to see my whole bunch of friends again:)

I've just come to realize that most of my gal friends are happily attached for at least 2 years or so. Maybe we influence one another, to commit ourselves to one person, but nothing beats the feeling of loving and being loved in return.:)

Friday, November 26, 2004

Oooookie...I'm sick of coming up with titles for every single entry I post so I'm gonna do away with it from now on. A bit outta point but I like the rain, when I'm at home, that is. I'd curse and swear on any other occasion. It's raining right now and the sound of it comforts me somewhat, feeling sleepy already:) Not that I need any comforting at the mo.

Anyhoo, just a short update before I go to work tomorrow night. I've finally cleared my probation! Yay! No more 'P' plate beside my name:) With that out of the way now, I can look forward to other things. I caught The Incredibles 2 days back... awesome movie! Enjoyed it a lot even though it's kinda kiddish. However, there are certain aspects adults can identify with I guess... Just watched SAW today, did not really enjoy that movie as much coz I don't like shows with lotsa blood and gore. I was covering my ears half the time. I know it's weird but when I'm scared, I'll cover my ears instead of my eyes... It's kinda complicated with a twist at the end. I have only one thing to say, the movie is overhyped. Looking forward to watching Alexander next, that's the kinda genre of movie I really like:)

Had a steamboat dinner at Suntec City with my aunties and cousins earlier on, it's a pre-birthday celebration, sorta. It was nice catching up with my 2 cousins, we were pretty close when we were growing up... Too bad I won't be around when my cousin, Peiling has her actual birthday celebration.

Other than that, I have nothing much to add. I only have lots to say when I'm passionately infuriated. Pretty mild otherwise. Goodnight.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Reflections

Been in a thinking mood of late... more of reflecting on the past and how I can make improvments in my life. There are things that I have done that I have regretted... Although I have moved on somewhat, it doesn't mean that the past will not come back and haunt me on the days that I feel really down. Someone once told me that it is better to go ahead and do something than to regret not doing it at all. I used to agree but now I think it's crap. I mean if you know you are gonna regret doing something... why do it in the first place right? There is nothing worse than regret coz it causes guilt and it eats away at your soul. I guess true happiness can only be obtained if you are at peace with yourself... guess that explains why I am often unhappy most of the time eh? I think it makes sense.

I realized that I have changed a lot over the months. I'm not too sure what brought about the changes but I can feel them creeping into my life slowly and surely. It seems that I am now very concerned about how my actions will affect the people that I care about. Previously, all I thought about was to have fun. My heart is sinking even as I am typing this... but I guess instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself, I am determined to be a better person. That involves weeding out the negative people and influences in my life and I WILL NOT repeat all the mistakes I have made in the past. There I've said it and I say it with utmost conviction. May I be at peace with myself now.:)

Finally going back to work after almost 2 weeks, I kid you not man... I was on standby from 8/11 to 18/11 and I was not called up for a single flight... talk about luck hehehe;p Yep! I guess my enthusiasm and positivity is waning but as usual I'll continue to do my best. Destination this time? Sydney, team flight. My buddy was taken off the flight coz she got called up for Auckland while on standby... So sad!!! :( I have not flown with her in like 2 months...

On a lighter note, I should be thankful I have people who really care about me, it's what keeps me going. You know who you all are, I'll treasure all of you always!! *hugz abd kisses* And especially to my baby, thank you for putting up with all my shit for the past 2 years and 2 months, you make my life complete... I love you so so much:) (Anyone who's reading this, please do not cringe)

Alrightie then, gotta go psyched myself up for work later on tonight. Whoopee! Go go go! Hahahha:) Later then.




Friday, November 19, 2004

Just another day

Woke up with a swollen eye this morning... seems like I'm subconsciously rubbing my eyes really hard while I'm sleeping... been happening a lot these days... wonder what's up with that?

Anyhoo, I did some light workout before going for a run... short distance though coz it was freaking hot and the sun was totally sapping up my energy. Came back and cooked lunch for myself. Man... I'm really learning to be domesticated, I hope to cook for my darling one day hehehehe;p Got ready to go to the driving centre to enrol as a private candidate. I don't know why but I always feel uncomfortable when I step into that place.:( I had to take those instant passport photos to submit with my application. Then when I was taking the picture, this driving instructor who happened to be passing by stood there to see me take the pic. Sheesh... I was so uncomfortable the pic turned out badly... my smile was like crooked... tmd. With the enrolment finally done, I went to meet my gal friends.

I met Judy and Julie at City Hall MRT:) I was so happy to see them as usual:) My baby came along to pick the 3 of us up and we ventured to Julie's house to have dinner and watch Singapore Idol together:) I ate non-stop which is bad news:( Overall, it was an evening well-spent with my favourite people with me. Sometimes the simplest things in life can bring such happiness:) I don't feel so angry anymore... hehe:) Til then...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Zodiac & Blood Type

I stumbled upon this link which I bookmarked a long time ago. It's a short analysis of a person's character based on a combination of zodiac and blood type, pretty accurate to a certain extent:) Do try it! Here's my analysis:

Gemini & Type O, Woman

Personality:
Sometimes people criticize you for being insincere because of your 24-7 "I am happy" attitude. But the people who know you respect your willingness to help out others and leadership quality is what you show. You tend to jump into the matters too quickly because of your constant curiosity. Your smart brain allows you to deal with even the most difficult conversationalist and that is why you receive a streamline of party invitations

Love Tendency:
The love department has good news for you all the time. Your vivacious personality is directly connected to your sign and the blood type enhances it even more. You fall in love too quickly and mistake the particular relationship as being the greatest at that moment. Capriciousness is your number one enemy.

Life:
Your excellent communication skill should be credited to your speedy brain. Your work performance is at an optimum because you are able to handle simultaneous tasks at once. One thing you are not comfortable with is silence. You have to hear commotion around you or else you create it. People sometimes have difficulties keeping up with your fast pace life, so learn to slow down.

Good Match:
A-type, O-type and B-type Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra and Aquarius are the best matches for you. Anyone of these will be a plus to you because you complement each other. A-types usually admire you from far away. O-types are the comforting relationships. B-types bring the maternal instinct out of you.

Bad Match:
AB-type Virgos and AB-type Pisces should be avoided. You will tire each other out because of your differences. These partners bring bad thoughts out of you and who wants to be ultimately a terrible person?

Monday, November 15, 2004

Something to smile about...

Been feeling really crap again these days... that dreaded time of the month, PMS. Somebody just shoot me please. *sigh* However, I'm gonna do myself a favour and pull myself together and live my life with a new zest. I'm gonna get rid of all the vices in my life, It's all about total well-being. Maybe I'm gonna take up Yoga or Pilates or something... more on that later on.

Today, I woke up feeling really irritated again... Dogs kept barking. Something made me smile though. My smaller dog, Miko was a real nuisance this morning. She's the alpha female, always bossing my other dog, Nicky around even though he came first. I feel for him man... He's always so sweet and kind and gentle with her. Extremely intelligent. He understands our conversations and he looks like he's thinking most of the time. Quite unsettling since he has very 'human' eyes.

Anywayz, my mom rolled up a newspaper and pretended she wanted to whack Miko. My mom will never hit them, she just does that and whack the table just to shut my dogs up. Nicky was lying down and Miko was running all over the place, barking. He actually got up and used his body to try and shield her. Awwwwwww.... really touched my heart somehow... He's the best dog I've ever had... He's still young and healthy but I know he won't live forever... Suddenly, I feel this tugging at my heart... :(


The other love of my life, Nicky:)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Wheee!!! I'm B-A-C-K!

Finally! I'm in high spirits again after so long!! Damn, it feels good!:) No particular reason why but I sure ain't complaining hahaha! I think I'm a lil' crazy man... my mood swings are so adverse! Anywayz... I met up with my dear friend, Nicole today! Really missed hanging out with her...:( Too bad she's so busy with work and exams these days. Hope she'll make more time for lil' ol' me:D I had my 4th driving lesson again today. Drove from Bukit Gombak to Bukit Batok Driving Centre... Shiok man! Scary though coz it was peak hour, way too many cars on the road and I'm still not used to all the gear changing and biting points and I tend to accelerate too fast! Think I gave the poor driving instructor quite a bit of stress hahahaha!;p Oh I splurged again today...:( Bought the new Levis Lady Style Jeans... Wah lau eh... it's like almost $170... God... don't know what came over me... the worst thing is... I'm not sure if I like it THAT much... hmmm...

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Thoughts... and more thoughts

Where do we find a soul mate? Or does such a thing really exist? Somehow I feel it's just impossible to find someone that totally understands... someone who'll really be there all the way... Let's just face it, most of us would want to be around people who are happy all the time. Period. Yeah, I do have friends who'll be there for me when I'm feeling lousy (which is quite often), but I can't expect them to be there for me all the time, can I? It's not fair to drag them down with me and they've all got their own lives to live...

I just came back from Brisbane, and one of complex leaders I was working with commented that I'm really cheerful and that I'm always smiling. I just told him, I may seem happy all the time but I'm not. I'm human. I can't be happy all the time, I do have my moods. There're days where I feel so totally shitty... but I force myself to be cheery and oh-so-happy for the benefit of people around me... at least they'll feel better being around someone who is seemingly happy all the time... This is not the first time I've heard these kinda comments from people... I suppose it's a good thing... but few people realize how unhappy I can really be, how drained I really am... Maybe I'm emotionally drained, it's an effort to be happy around people all the time... But when I'm around people, I'm happy coz I make the effort to be happy. Sounds contradicting doesn't it? haha:) I guess I am just someone who needs people around me... Like I mentioned earlier, people don't have to take shit from me just because I'm in one of my moods, they shouldn't have to... I know how awful it can be when people take out their frustrations on you... Can't blame them but that shouldn't be the case, ain't it?

Anyway, i think i think too much... How I wish i can surround myself in a little bubble, just me and my own little world where no one can hurt me... But it ain't happening coz I'm too in-tuned with my surroundings. Bummer...

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Busy, busy and BUSY!!

Man... I feel like I'm not resting enough... just got back from a Manila turnaround last night and have to work again tmr... and it's a long flight... to London and it's a day flight *sigh* Gotta report really early tmr too... I cancelled my piano lesson today coz i don't feel too good and I have a driving lesson later on... my first! Wonder how it'll turn out... hope the instuctor is good and patient coz my brain is half-functioning today... hehe:) I think I need to get more winter clothing coz it's gonna be really cold in London, like 7 degrees C to 13 degress C at best:( I am already experiencing the beginnings of a cold and a sore throat... Need to get some dry stores as well since I'm on a diet... based on my blood type, which is Type O.. More on that later on... still trying out... Must lose weight lah and look better heh;p I binged on the carbs yesterday... 3 ice-creams!!! Oh Lord... luckily there was no 'damage'. Gonna work out today man... this cannot go on lol;p Think i'm gonna rest a lil now... Ciao!


Monday, October 25, 2004

Is it just me or...?

I've been thinking about a random incident this afternoon... My father saw me getting ready to go out for my piano lesson and asked me if I'm gonna pass any shops... Being rather moody, I answered him in a very curt manner and immediately regretted it so I softened my tone... all he wanted was for me to buy him a packet of ciggies... Last night, I was on my way back home after a flight when my mom called to ask where I was, I think I was quite rude too her as well coz I was so tired... but then I remembered she did not know what time I'll be coming back coz I was called up for this flight and that she was just concerned about me...

Which brings to mind... How often are we guilty of letting the people who care the most about us bear the brunt of our displeasure? And that we put on a smile and be nice to people who don't deserve it even though all you feel like doing is slapping them? Is it just me or are most people like that as well? That's something really bad that I don't like about myself and I'm gonna make a conscious effort to change it. I guess the closer people are to us, the more we take them for granted and that's really sad... I think I must have hurt my mom and dad when I spoke to them like that... I really don't mean to and I'm ashamed of myself:( The one who suffers the most from my mood swings is my darling... I swear he has the patience of a saint, putting up with all my shit... when he doesn't have to. He's always asking me, "Where can you find a boyfriend like me?" And I'd always reply him jokingly... "Everywhere." Truth is... I don't think I can and I'm really lucky to have him.

Having said all this, I find myself being nicer to friends and colleagues... Some of them piss the living daylights outta me and yet I still find myself being patient and accomodating towards them... It's like what the hell?!? I think I'm killing my soul by doing that... Fuck man... I do feel I need to get my priorities right. Of course I do treasure those friends who really know me:) I'm referring to friends as in mere acquaintances... Some of them speak without their words going through their pea brains, esp. the guys... No offence but maybe it has to do with the maturity level perhaps?? I value quality relationships with people over quantity. Cherish those who matter and weed out those who don't... That's all for now. See ya peeps!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Sunday Blues

It sucks having to work on a Sunday.... got activated for a Penang turnaround... dunno who's the idiot who reported sick grrrr.... Still having a slight hangover from last night's partying:( Don't feel too good at all... nosiree. New roster's out and it just gets worse everytime! I only have like 4 rostered flights for next month and 11 days' stretch of standby??? Hello? My roster was like that in October too.... must be the sudden influx of new crew... dunno why the hell they need so many crew... oh well...

Miraculously, my doggies didn't wake me up from their barking today:) They do that without fail when if I'm home during the weekends heh:) I must have been really gone or really tired or they just decided to be good today:) Love them both to bits!! Gotta get ready for work now... On a brighter note, at least I won't be getting the much-dreaded Monday blues!!! ;p I'll leave you with a picture of them...Ciao!

Sweet fluffy ones:)

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Insomnia...

Wah lau eh... It's 4.02am in the morning and I am still wide awake... This is bad... very, very bad coz I have to work tmr!!! ARgh!!!:( And I have a habit of waking up really early... thanks to my doggies' incessant barking:( So sleep-deprived... but for some weird reason or another, I function better with less sleep haha:)

Just got home not too long ago, spent time with my baby... it's nice to know that after 2 years of being together, I'm not only still in love but I love him even more than before:) He's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Can't ask for more really... he makes me happy:) And anyone who can put up with all my shit (not that I'm THAT bad) has to be amazing, need I say more? ;p Alrightie... enough of all this lovey-dovey thingie for now... Moving on...

Oh, oh, oh! To add on to what I have said on my previous entry about people changing so much they become an entirely different person altogether... I got a reply from another primary schoolmate... He was shocked almost speechless when he saw my pics... (I'm hoping it's in a good way... hahahaha;p) took him some time to figure out who I was... Don't blame him though... I was totally, totally different from what I am now... I wasn't a cute kid at all man... Rather plump, face like a moon, painfully shy and very meek in personality... And GOD... I had these ugly, godawful, plastic pair of specatacles that covered half my face... That was the real winner man coz my primary school classmates remember me for it!!! Can you imagine?!?! Sheesh...

Better FORCE myself to sleep now... tata! *muakz*


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Nice surprises for the day:)

Oooh... this is cool shit man... a ranting spot that's all mine... a place to air my grievances and my form of therapy for dealing with the frustrations of everyday life:) Feel better even as I am typing away but then again, I'm in a very good mood today. This is my first entry on my very first blog... not new to the idea of blogging but I was too lazy to start one until my dear friend Judy suggested that I start one to update each other on our lives.:)

Anyhoo, I had a good day even though I was very sleepy... I woke up really early to go for piano lessons this morning, then I had to go run some errands for myself... Came back and went online and logged onto Friendster coz I had an e-mail alert to new msgs. I had a new msg from my classmate back in primary school!! Have not seen her like in almost a decade and she has become such a babe... even though she's already pretty back in primary school... but she looked so different I couldn't even recognize her. We're gonna catch up soon... probably sometime next week if my schedule permits... Can't wait!:)

Through her link, I found a few of my other classmates from primary school and GOD, time really changes a person... it's so damn interesting... It's like you have a certain memory of people and then a few years later... WHAM!!! You get a totally different person and it's like having to get to know them all over again... how weird is that? Weird but cool haha:) It's a nice surprise though... hope all of us can continue to keep in touch...!

And to add on to my good mood... I received an e-mail from my company saying I got a compliment letter from a passenger on 21/06/04, 2 days after my b-day and during my first month of flying!!:) I was praised for excellent service and resourcefulness:) *floats* Notice how the best surprises come when it's unexpected? One of life's mysteries perhaps.... more on that topic later on.... Gonna meet my darling tonight and prepare for tmr's flight to Melbourne... :(