Had a couple of hair-pulling moments during the week, but the good news is, the stress has started to let up a little. Just a little bit not as much as I would have liked heh.

I have to deal with insects too, on top of the stress of the upcoming exams. I am so loving my life right now. I woke up one morning to find 2 upturned cockroaches in my room, which is located just beside the kitchen. There was another cockroach-stepping incident, not long after the first, just that this time, it did not die a slow painful death. Then a hugest, brightest green bug I have ever seen in my life flew in from outside and landed on the television. It terrorized and whoever was in my house at that moment, by flying around the living room. I had a lot of fun screaming and laughing.

I must be going mad.

I received some unexpected good news a few days back which left me with soaring spirits. Now, I am more motivated to work even harder and I have the full support of my family, friends and of course, my darling.

It just gets better and I am ever so thankful to the Lord. His presence is always with me and he has heard my prayers.

Attentive Creator

In the pursuit of that goal, I have left my comfort zone far behind and have given up most of my creature comforts. But lately, I start to wonder if it is all really worth it. Perhaps all these feelings are induced by the stress I am going through now... late nights aplenty, chronic sleep deprivation and one too many hair-pulling moments.

Something really unpleasant happened to one of my coursemates last week and I am still reeling from the shock upon hearing the news. It is very unfair and it reminds me of the precarious ground I am standing on. Sigh.

Life is starting to suck and this is not the worst of it yet.

The weekend feels so horribly short but I allowed myself to indulge in stuff that I enjoy, rather than feel myself rot at home. I really should spend my time studying but I do need some time to chill or I won't be able to cope with the weekday torment.
So whatever lah, just relax and enjoy.

Feeling very guai lan these days, I attribute it to the fact that I feel bloated and constipated. These are serious problems and it makes me feel like crap. You would feel bitchy too if you were full of shit.

Sigh. I don't look forward to Monday...

Three months have passed since I made the biggest step in my life. The hell that I am going through now is not as bad as people make it out to be, but there times that I start to doubt myself. I have not fully realized how much is really at stake because I have not had the time to sit down and think about the magnitude of the uncertainty that lies ahead.

Newton's first law of motion comes to mind, an object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay in rest unless acted upon by another force. This law pretty much describes my life right now.

I feel like I am losing myself sometimes. My mind is so saturated with theories, formulas, figures and even more figures, that there just does not seem to be enough space for anything else. Everyday, my mental capacity is being pushed to its brink, leaving me exhausted at the end of the day, and it will continue to get worse.

These days, I am no stranger to the feeling of despair and helplessness. Yet, I am strangely happy and I finally understand what it is like to be pursuing something I know I really want to do for the rest of my working life. This is it, and this is what it feels like. The only thing left to do now is to center myself and forge ahead.

I caught The Leap Years last night and I loved it. A movie with a hauntingly beautiful storyline revolving around love so strong, it knows no bounds. I used to hope and dream about that kind of love I thought I could never have and would have settled for something much less. But after many episodes of hurt and crushing disappointment, love found me.

It is incredible how the paths of two people, from two different parts of the world and two different backgrounds, can cross in the most unlikely of circumstances. When I first laid my eyes on him, I felt that there is something more but I brushed it aside. Little did I know, he felt the same and that the most amazing thing was about to happen... we fell in love. He is everything I had hoped for and so much more and he gave me the kind of love that I thought could only exist in my dreams. For the first time in my life, I feel almost complete.

It is even more incredible that we met while pursuing the same dreams and I am no longer alone in my journey because he is with me every step of the way. I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving me this amazing pillar of strength and support and I have never been happier.

I love you darling.

I had some time to check my email this morning and I read the most touching email, ever. I don't need the world, I just need my world to be complete and it is finally close to completion. I do not need anything more.

=)

The grossest thing just happened to me... I got up from my seat to go to the loo when I realized I had stepped on something squishy. I looked down and to my absolute horror, I had stepped on a fucking COCKROACH!!! Oh my God, I nearly died there and then. This is one of my worst fears come true. I screamed and hopped to the toilet as fast as I can to wash the offending mess off the sole of my foot.

I emerged eventually after sometime and was told that the cockroach was still alive. I went to look, the juice was squashed out of its body, but its feelers were still moving about feebly.

I fled to my room and refused to come out for the rest of the night. I am so traumatized.

=(