Sunday, December 30, 2007

I attended the last sermon for this year this morning and I left the church, deep in thought. The message was simply to count our blessings, something that we have to be reminded time and again, because we forget.

I did some self-reflection and have come to a realization. On the occasions that I succumb to a complaining and critical spirit, I feel drained and unhappy. My attitude did me no favours at all and I attracted even more things to be upset about.

It happens when I get caught up in life and draw away from God. Though I am grateful for whatever blessings I have, I allow certain things to get to me and that negates the effect of gratitude and goodwill. When I rid myself of the negative thoughts and be more forgiving of the character flaws that irk me, I receive even more goodwill in abundance.

Let it be a promise myself to always count my blessings because gratitude is the doorway to happiness. May the Lord deliver me from my negative attitude, then 2008 will be an even better year.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

I have issues with people of the anal-retentive sort and it is getting to be a challenge to curb my irritation. Even more so, now that the monthly blues afflicting the female population has made its call. Uh oh.

Yesterday, an incident pissed me off greatly. That, I do not want to go into detail about. Having said that, I will try not to judge and reserve my comments to myself. I will keep the peace but in my mind's eye, it's another sign-off situation.

Much was being said, but there was only one statement in the whole conversation that I agree with. I can only conclude that nuggets of wisdom can indeed come from the most unlikely sources. On hindsight, there was an effort to diffuse the situation and I see it as a good thing.

I have centered myself once again and this time, I am determined not to lose sight of the plot. Things that are annoying and are not of significance will not break my stride. The Lord is who I will turn to when my spirit is weary, He knows what to do.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I am starting to like Christmas once again. No longer do I feel detached from what used to be my favourite time of the year. Over-commercialization has robbed this season of its true meaning and spirit. How I miss the simple, old-fashioned Christmases of yesteryear, the kind that I remember from my childhood days.

There are still fond memories of the Christmas eve I spent in Perth last year as I was in the company of good friends. This year, it was the unexpected sweetness and sincerity of a simple gesture that warmed my heart and truly touched me.

=)

I will enjoy the moment while it lingers. The essence of joy and happiness is transient and it must not be marred by the fear and uncertainty of the future. With blessings aplenty, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I do not know where to begin or what to write. In the recent months, I have come to realize that it is only when I am oscillating between the two extremes of the emotional spectrum, that I actually have something to write about.

At the moment, my emotional and mental state is at the equilibrium. Though, there has been so much drama in just this year alone, it is also the most pivotal point of my life. I have been given a chance to work towards my goal, when previously, I have been denied repeatedly of this opportunity.

I am happy, but there is that small tinge of sadness somewhere. At the crucial period, I really cannot have everything, it is either or. Some things will just have to wait, unless of course, He plans otherwise.

I am the underdog but I see it more of an advantage than anything else, for now.=)

Sunday, December 16, 2007

The weekend that I was so looking forward to is fast coming to an end. By comparison, its monotony is a stark contrast to the very eventful week that I have had.

Having set foot on a territory that is totally unfamiliar to me, I have been experiencing a myriad of different feelings. The unease did not last for long and as the week wore on, I grew more accustomed to the changes in my environment.

I am actually starting to like it.

Except for the chickens outside my house that torment my sleep every night with their incessant crowing, at the oddest hours. Nabei, they are the reason I am starting to supplement my semi-vegetarian diet with chicken again. I need the protein and it the the source that is most easily available now.

With a ritual of my own that I have since established, it is with God's blessings that I am here now. He has led me, around every obstacle, the calm inner voice that has unfailingly guided me. I know I must give it my best now, in the glory of His name and leave it all in His hands.

Monday, December 10, 2007

I wanted to be here and I got what I wanted. Yet, there is still the initial unease of being in a totally different environment. So much so that, I did not sleep a wink all last night.

My friend's surprise visit with 5 furry friends brought me unbridled joy and warmed my heart. May there be more of such happy moments to come to keep me going.=)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

A very different life it is going to be and the changes are already slowly creeping in. It takes a little bit of getting used to, but I think I eventually will, once I am more settled in.

I realized something about myself when it comes to the affairs of the heart. It all makes perfect sense to me. It is not about how much a person can give me, but how much that person makes me want to give.

Well, that itself is self-explanatory.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The waves of nostalgia that I felt were beset with a quality that is oh so surreal. Two years it has been but it certainly does not feel like that length of time has already come to pass. Though it does seem unreal, all the experiences that assault my thoughts are as vivid as though they happened yesterday.

I am totally aware of the changes in me that have taken place. Though I have been blessed with the opportunity to grow in mind and in spirit, it is not without pain and hardship. The trials and tribulations that occasionally rock my world has served its purpose and taught me many valuable lessons.

It is a scary world of uncertainty I am about to step into. The days spent in my comfort zone are fast becoming a distant momory. Strange as it may sound, there is no fear. Maybe not now, because I have yet to experience the magnitude of what I am actually getting myself into. But I am not afraid. My vision, my thoughts and how I feel are one, in harmony, that is a good sign. If it does not feel right, it does not bode well. Too often, my unease about things are spot on.

All the pain and disappointment that I have felt were not in vain. The tears that I have shed, though little, were a welcome release. And now I look forward.