Sunday, January 28, 2007

It is really the littlest thoughtful gestures from people that put a smile on my face and set the tone for the day. A phonecall from one of my best friends last night ended my evening on a cheerful and happy note, just before I went to bed.

We take a lot of things and people for granted, which is why I want to cherish every little thing that I have. From the moments that I smile to myself, happy memories, thoughtful gestures, meaningful conversations, great company to love from all sources. Maybe when I become aware of all these, I start holding it them very close to me.

When I attended church today, there was a little Indian girl who was staring at me during the service. She did not seem wary or weary, but rather, she was openly curious. Then it struck me that I, someone who is not crazy over children, are actually drawn to them. Drawn to their innocence, curiosity and even beliefs. Untainted by society and their world painted in all sorts of pretty colours.

I came home to see both of my dogs greeting me at the door, tails wagging with identical doggy grins. Again I was struck by their open, trusting eyes full of love. As I hugged and petted them, it suddenly occured to me that the happiest people are those who openly love and give without expectations and are without cynism that taints many of our hearts.

All around me, I am surrounded by people playing games of all sorts, making empty promises and being all negative and cynical. It is really a test of my patience when I get taken for granted sometimes. But yet, I have learnt to put up with it because I do not want to have any expections from them and be unhappy when promises are not kept. I find that just breezing past and casting aside grudges make me a happier and more accepting person.

It pains me most when it is the people closest to me that are negative and cynical. I absolutely detest it, I really do but I will not allow it to drag me down. I cannot just shut them off because I care so I can only pray that they start making things better for themselves. Tempting as it is to just cast them aside, I will not, and I will just go about my business until they sort themselves out.

The sermon today was about the power of a prayer. The gist of it is that we do not have, because we do not have enough faith to ask for it. I got an answer to one of my prayers at this service... By not asking and by not opening myself up, I might miss out on a whole plethora of unexpected, delightful surprises. I will trust him with all my heart and know that He will put everything together for me because he knows what is best. Whatever it is, I am confident I can handle it, with His guidance.

God is infinite and there is no way we can ever comprehand his intentions and his plans. But then again, when we do not even comprehend ourselves, we can only look to a high power for guidance, no?

I woke up feeling like I have been dragged through the mud because of a bad throat inflammation. I went to the doctor, got some medication but I will still go to work. It is amazing that I managed to sing the songs of praise. When we were all done singing, the soreness was miraculously gone hahaha!

Managed to get some practice done on the piano before leaving for Christchurch. I will get my rest there and catch up on some reading. Now, a short run before I leave for work this evening... Ta!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Just when I thought life cannot get more interesting than it already is... it did.
Everything all seems to come at once and the sudden load of events have been rather astounding.

Promising things come when they are least expected, don't they? More than I bargained for definately, but not in a bad way... Then again, things that seem promising can turn out to be nothing more than huge disappointments, which I am certainly no stranger to. No longer, will I fear an undesired outcome, I will just wait and see what happens.

I am loving the breezy manner that I have seemed to adopt these days. When things get a tad overwhelming, it makes it all easier. Choices... we make not always make the right ones, but it is better than having none.

I will go ponder on that before I sleep tonight.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Well, it is the usual drone of a disciplined, but mundane lifestyle. At the moment, my life revolves around the same few things and people. Still, it is a lifestyle that brings a great amount of satisfaction. It is an accomplishment, overcoming the lackadaisical nature that is now a thing of the past. I hope, heh heh.

Practising the piano with very fine paper cuts on my finger tips causes quite a bit of discomfort but I have to keep going, because I want to. I have not been writing much lately... Guess I am at the stage of my life where things are balanced and sailing along smoothly. So that leaves me nothing much to talk about.

When one does not take things to heart, one leads a much happier and carefree life. No longer will I allow the burden of unresolved grudges take weight. Life is good and life is beautiful. It would be perfect if this lasts, no?

=)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Just me and my Ipod... It is good to finally have some time to myself although I really appreciate good company. I had a great run to kickstart a wonderful day, with my favourite music playing in my ears and at the same time, doing some mental 'work' as I ran.

If I may say so, it is bliss to be enjoying 3 of my favourite things to do, all in that short span of time I allocated myself before I report for work.

The last few days have been really crazy but highly fulfilling. It is a personal satisfaction which comes at a price though, a total burnout or meltdown or whatever you want to call it. But, I finally slept like a baby last night.=) Getting enough sleep is something I should learn to inculcate into my life.

Still, I don't think I will have it any other way. Discipline seems to be the theme of my life lately and it comes in short spurts at a time. I will make full use of it coz as good as it feels to get things done and shit, I am still a slacker and dreamer at heart, so I will remember to take it easy and stop to smell the roses along the way.

Life in balance is great. Will practise a bit of piano before I leave for Hong Kong in the afternoon.
Blessings come in many forms, and it is great comfort to know that sincere and nice people still exist in this world. The weather stayed pleasant enough to do what I set out to do today and only rained when it is over and done with. What luck!

Completely and utterly exhausted... sends my mind into a hyper overdrive. Hope the fatigue that has finally taken its toll will knock me out cold. Please let me sleep well tonight.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

What a fulfilling day it was! I did all that I needed and wanted to do and I'm as pleased as punch. Discipline was never my forte and despite being the haphazard person I am, I managed my time well enough to cope. It is simply quite an achievement for me!

Unfortunately, it does not give me much time to blog. I gotta prioritize and some things will just have to wait.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

No words for tonight, I will let the occasional pictures do the talking for now...=)



Sunday, January 14, 2007

Home. My trip to Milan was excellent! Everything will have to wait while I sleep and sleep I must. I will update my blog, reply my messages and emails when I have had enough rest. I need sleep more than anything else now. Ciao for now!:)

Monday, January 08, 2007

Something is strongly urging me to be there and I do wonder what this means. Feeling the inexorable pull of my heartstrings again and I am curious to know where it will lead me this time. I think I shall take the chance to find out, because I am longer afraid of the outcome.

There is a huge possiblity that I will be disappointed again but I should not let that fear deter me. I will allow myself to take that step forward and see what happens. All I know at this moment is that, i want to know and I will be patient... I place my trust in Him that whatever the outcome, it will be for the best.

The only thing I should really be afraid of is regret. The regret of not doing something about it when I could have because I am scared I will not like the end result. The word itself is explanatory on its own and it should cease to exist in my dictionary.

Strange, an answer of some sort suddenly came to me as I am writing this. There is no happy, sad or perfect ending, only a continuation, because life goes on. It is an affirmation that I really should not be concerned about outcomes because my story will still go on until the day I die, without regrets of course.

It is so true that an unexamined life is not worth living. There is so much, so much out there if only we dare to find it deep within our hearts to seek it. Nabei lah, I say just do! Take chances, find meaning in everything and do not be afraid. Take it easy and go with the flow, that pleasant surprise will await you eventually.

I had a fulfilling day, I spent a couple of hours playing on the piano. I must say that i was on form today and my fingers literally danced all over the keys. A sudden thought occured to me as I was practising that it would piss me off greatly if my nail polish were to chip off. It is an absolute pain if I have to re-paint them because I hate painting my nails.

Interesting, that the act of painting my nails red sends invisable emo signals to my brain, preparing my mindset for work. The association was formed the day I signed the contract. Freshly painted red nails means 'go to work' because it is part of the uniform and work I must. Fuck man, I do not like having to paint my nails.

So I am off to Milan for several days. I want to revel in its sights and soak in all its beauty and charm. Never mind that I will freeze my ass off in the process, I must live for moments like these.

=D

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Miko and Nicky

Sometimes, when a certain realization hits you, it really humbles you. There are lessons to be learnt in everyday life and it can come in the least expected ways, if you what to to look out for.

I felt this sudden, suffocating wave of pain when it dawned upon me how close I was to losing one of my dogs. It is so true that you only learn to appreciate something or someone when they are gone. But thank God, I had a second chance.

I am not sure how long Miko suffered because she seemed perfectly alright to us. It was not until she started peeing blood all over the house 2 weeks ago that the alarm bells sounded. My mom brought her to the vet because I had to work. The vet did an x-ray and discovered that she had several stones in her bladder.

Again, I could not be there when she was operated on because I had to be away for work. When I came back from Christchurch, her familiar, furry white was the first that greeted me at the door. She touched my heart more than usual and it was absolutely heartwarming to be home.

Fuck man, I had a rude shock when my mom showed me the stones. They were like white pebbles. I simply cannot imagine the pain that she must have endured, but she took it very well. She could not wait to come home after the operation and she was running about like she used to. I cannot believe that she had just gone through a major operation.

Such a hardy little dog... and all she wants is lots of love, which I will give more of from now on. I am ashamed of myself because I took her for granted and I was not really concerned because I knew my mom would take care of her. I realized how selfish I can be when I was more concerned about revelling in my moodiness, than to really care.

I allowed myself to slide back into negativity and wallowed in it for just a tad too long. But bloody hell, I will not slip up and let it happen again. My dog's ordeal taught me how precious life is and reminded me never to take anything for granted.

It is not over because she has been throwing up and eating very little but she seems fine for now. I pray she will be well, with all my heart and I have absolute faith she will be.

Friday, January 05, 2007


Christchurch, where I have found my heaven on earth. Endless blue skies, majestic mountains and the vast expanse of lush greenery dotted with lovely flowers in full bloom. The crisp, clean air, the meandering Waimakiriri river and the crystal clear waters of the waterfalls fills my heart and soul with pure joy.

Oh how I longed to stay... I did not want to leave.

The TranzAlpine train ride through the Southern Alps mountains was truly a spectacular experience that will remain etched in my memory forever. I can gaze at the stunning sights that greeted me all day long and perhaps, for a lifetime.

And those, were some moments in my life which took my breath away... it beckons me again.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Off to Christchurch this evening. I will catch some of you when I am back.
2006, was singularly, the most significant year for me. It was the year that truly highlighted the meaning of my existence. I have experienced, discovered and learnt many important lessons that will define me in the years to come. Maybe not forever, for everything changes. But perhaps, long enough to see me through the most crucial and exciting period of my life.

Reminiscing on the events of yesteryear, there were many hidden blessings that might have escaped my understanding if I had not looked deep enough. Though there were a number of disappointments, I have accepted them because when things don’t go my way, there is always a reason behind it. And then something better comes along.

My true happiness lies not in what I have achieved, nor in the material possessions I have. It lies in the close relationships I have with the people in my life. I have rekindled old friendships, forged new ones and strengthened existing ones. I have also grown much closer to my family, especially my mom. Amidst the internal struggles that I have within myself, I have drawn closer to God.

I still have that bigger picture in sight as I make my journey towards it, but I am comforted by the fact that I know I am not alone. In the space of one year, my personal growth, both in mind and in spirit, has been quite remarkable. I have found strength and willpower that I never knew I possessed.

Just before 2006 came to a close, I attended church and I received an important message. There were many instances that I feel crushed and overwhelmed by my own expectations of myself. Sometimes, I really feel close to giving up but I choose to hold on and seek solace in my faith. Faith is an incredible thing as it gives us hope. I have had many moments of revelations in the process of seeking and once the meaning becomes much clearer to me, I feel like a tremendous weight is being lifted off my shoulders.

That important message was; I have prevailed. I let go of some things but I still held out for what is important to me. I am my own worst enemy, I have fought, I have prevailed and I have no regrets.

I did not make any New Year resolutions for myself because I am a firm believer that one does not have to wait for the start of a new year to make a change. Although, 2007 did not start well for me because of my fucking PMS symptoms, it is no excuse to allow the rest of the year to turn out badly.

I will steel my resolve to live my life happily and take it easy. Yet, I will still continue to pursue and find meaning and fulfillment in life, with quiet determination and faith. 2007 will be even better and I am looking forward to it.