Sunday, February 28, 2010

Lazy, sweltering afternoons such as today make one's eyelids grow heavy with sleep. The service at church today was good and I was reminded once again, of all the things that I must be thankful for.

There are many things that I am starting to understand and that serves to quell the disquiet in my heart and mind. It is all about perfect timing and I am waiting for the perfect moment where my life will change.

Thank you for loving me.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Are expectations a necessary evil? Perhaps, I had better start getting used to not having any and allow myself to be pleasantly surprised.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Not too long ago, I would often wonder what it was like to experience true, lasting happiness, if ever. I wondered for many years, having swallowed one bitter pill too many. Disappointment would often come in the form of hope, and when the disguise comes off to reveal the true ugliness of the situation, I would pick myself up with a heavy heart and soldier on.

I had this knack of attracting unwanted drama into my life, when all I yearned for was the simplicity which eluded me. It came to a point where I was almost afraid to be happy because the blow that comes after could be best described as crushing. Then, I was numb.

Looking back, the disappointments were a blessing because if I had gotten my way, I would only be making do or worse, putting up with something that is so obviously going to make me unhappy. Knowing what I wanted was half the battle won as I was not afraid to say 'fuck it', and move on. Whatever I do not get now only means I am meant to have something better, so I learnt to hold out for what I really want.

24th of August, 2009 was the beginning of a wonderful chapter in my life and though there quite a fair bit of tears and challenges, I now wonder if it is possible to be this happy. It is even better than what I had hoped for and I am glad I held out for one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Then I understood. There is something else I am holding out for and when it finally comes, I know I will experience true, lasting happinesss.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Foolish pride. I would be a fool if I did not swallow mine, but I did. I had to make a choice... do I want to play it cool and maintain a tortured silence? Or do I spare myself the agony and give in?

Holding on to my pride will do nothing to alleviate the situation so I decided on the latter.

It set things right and I was reminded that I had the power to change the outcome. Though it was not about winning or losing, we have both won by a very long shot.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

It was the perfect R&R vacation but our sweet escape ended a little too soon. The quality time spent together was priceless and I enjoyed every single moment that I am with him. Though we did not take any pictures, all the wonderful times we had have been captured in mental snapshots for my private viewing.

The natural camaraderie that we have always had, made everything so fun and lighthearted, so much so that I literally left all my cares behind. I think the two of us ate and drank too much but heck, a holiday is when we get to break some rules. The couple of days which we spent at the beach revived a look which I used to sport, a glowing tan. The only problem is, when we walk along the seedy joints teeming with activity at night, I can easily pass off for any one of the girls who are about to becme someone's local conquest. Heh.

So it is back to the real world now and I am already missing the good times, but I am certain this trip won't be the last. Gotta love life's simple pleasures!