Friday, December 31, 2004

I've got my issues sorted out, it's great and I'm going on to the year 2005 with a big smile:) A brand new year and I'm determined to make the most outta it. My New Year resolutions are very simple, I just want to live my life the best way that I know how, look the best I can and not be affected by negativity. The year 2004 has been quite an eventful one. Plenty of ups and downs but I'm happy to say that I'm more happy than upset nevertheless. I should really count my blessings and learn to be more content. Life is just so precious, you'll never know when it is gonna be taken away from you, just like that... My deep condolences goes out to all the victims and their families of Tsunami... Really, really tragic... *sigh*

I wish everyone a blessed and prosperous New Year. I hope the year 2005 will be a fulfilling one and that everyone will have excellent health and happiness.:)

Alrightie, my entry ends here, gotta prepare for a turnaround flight.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Today's entry is just lyrics to a song I really, really like. Hell, even my dad likes it haha:) I Want to Break Free by Queen. This song describes precisely what I'm feeling right now and just pretty much sums up everything.

I want to break free, I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
It's strange but it's true
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure, When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby, Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see, I've got to break free
I've got to break free, I want to break free, yeah
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free....

Monday, December 27, 2004

Heya everyone, just got home from London this afternoon. Spent Christmas eve and Christmas there. Overall, it was okay, just a nice quiet celebration with the crew at the hotel, nothing too fancy. It was so cold in London. I've not experenced such cold. When I was walking on the streets, my ears were actually frozen and I had a headache. I was so worried my ears would freeze and drop off lol;p There was nothing much to see or buy as most of the shops were closed. Just as well, I had no mood to shop anyway.

I am rather hurt and disappointed by the cool reception that I got from him. I mean I was away for like 5 days and he just didn't even give a damn. I was so looking forward to talk to him when I got back and he had to rain on my parade. In fact, he only called me to ask what I'm doing and he was so cold and abrupt and had nothing to say to me. Just wasn't acting like his usual self. When I tried to ask him what was eating him. Just gave me sarcastic remarks. Bloody fuck, he was not happy I did not call or message him rightaway when I touched down. Do I deserve it? I do not think so. Yeah, I know he's tired, but what about me? I worked for 13 hours and I still have to adjust to the jet lag. He's right when he told me it is just not gonna be the same anymore after the fallout that we had. I'm beginning to see it now... that sucks, it really does. Just feeling really shit right now. Maybe it just ain't worth it.

Anyhoo, gonna crash right now, see ya...

Thursday, December 23, 2004

This is the 3rd Christmas that my baby and I are together, only that this time I won't be spending it with him.:( If it's any consolation, I'll be be able to spend New Year's Eve and New Year with him. Yep! It's a brand new year and a brand new start. Not just for me, but for everyone. I will think of a list of New Year Resolutions and I'll try my best not to break any of it, or rather most of it heh:)

Anyhoo, it's been a while since I updated. Nothing much going on with my life coz it's all good at the mo. Strange, but I don't feel the Christmas mood at all. When I go and walk about town, all I see are people, people and more people. Enough to kill my mood for shopping and savouring the Christmassy sights. My mom did not even take out the Christmas tree this year coz of my 2 dogs. Knowing them, they'll just destroy the tree and play with the decorations heh... I'll be spending Christmas in London, together with my team. Though, it is not the same as spending it with my loved ones. Oh well...

Nevertheless, I hope this Christmas of 2004 will be a meaningful and fulfilling one. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and may it be filled with joy, laughter and peace!:)

Monday, December 20, 2004

I'm in a state of confusion. So many plans for myself, so many things I wanna do and accomplish. It's all not taking shape yet as I don't know where to start. I am exploring a few avenues, but I won't venture into it unless I know I can make it. I need to find that special meaning in life. Something to live for and something to look forward to. I don't want to go through the motions of 'just doing my job'. Everyone needs a drive and passion for something in order to excel. I just want to find that motivation so I can be the best at what i love to do... I really look up to those people who overcame the greatest odds and have acheived do much for themselves. I hope I can be like that one day:)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

I'm back! Back from Melbourne and from the despondent mood of my earlier post... I'm glad I listened to my gal friend and called him before I left. I'm the sort of person who has to have things settled, no 'unfinished business' shit for me. So anyhoo, he was willing to talk this time round an I guess things are looking up at least. But it won't be the same anymore, not for some time. Oh well...

At least I was able to go to work without that emotional tangle bogging my spirits and my mind down. The load to Melbourne was full on both ways and up. Was a busy, busy, busy flight. Encountered a grouchy and unaccomodating passenger seated on my side of the aisle. Luckily, I managed to appease him by changing his seat coz his entertainment system was down. It was still not working despite having it reset twice. He only wanted a window seat or an aisle seat which was a challenge coz the load was so full. Thank God there was a window seat in front and I had to find space to stow his stupid luggage. It was so damn heavy and he just stood there while I opened all the overhead compartments to look for space. It was all full, I had to rearrange everything. All this at the busiest time of the flight. Sheesh... At least, he was quiet after that.

Was quite a challenging flight for me. The main reason being my contact lenses. I wore the wrong pair and since I was crying before the flight, my eyes were so dry and my vision was so blur, I felt like I was in a daze half the time. Eyedrops didn't work at all. My nose and ears were blocked. I couldn't breathe or hear properly and I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before. Wah lau eh...

One bitchy colleague made made me slap her bloody face. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to work with her. She was one of the more senior ones. Since I was still relatively new, she was not so nice to me. She was not nice to the other junior crew as well. But was all sweet and smiling to the more senior crew. Lol... I can only conclude one thing, it goes to show how sincere she really is. I mean if you're really nice, you're nice to everyone. You don't pick and choose who you want to be nice to.

Nice Sunday ahead of me, feels good to be back:) To everyone who was concerned about me... Thank you... Cheered up me:)


Thursday, December 16, 2004

I deleted my previous entry... it was a very somber one. Wonderful how things can just take a sudden dive for the worst. I guess I need to go away for awhile and find myself all over again. Thank god for my dear friends... what would I do without them? I do not know...

This morning, my dogs could sense my pain, I just cannot stop crying, even until now. They comforted me, licking away my tears and all... I've been crying the whole night and my eyes are all puffy and swollen now. Still I must go on...

Today I go to work with a heavy heart... Why doesn't happiness last forever? Please let me be strong...

Monday, December 13, 2004

Have you ever heard of the saying "Curiosity killed the cat"? I am a very firm believer of this quote and I'm speaking from my own experiences which I shan't elaborate on. All I can say is, they weren't good experiences and I have learnt the hard way... Anyway, I was reminded of this quote coz of the talk I had with my darling. Lately, he has been demanding to know a lot of things, things which I find are kinda out of point. When I refuse to tell him, he gets even more curious and he won't talk to me until I tell him what he wants to know. Let me just emphasize that it's not that I have something to hide, it's just that I have my moods and I do not like to entertain questions which I deem are silly and out of point. When I ask him why he wants to know, he just said he's a very curious person. So I told him that if doesn't stop this shit, he'll get his fingers burnt one day. Silly baby... heh.

I dropped my phone yesterday!!! Was so upset since it's only a few days old and it has scratches now:( It's fortunate it's not a PDA smartphone or a Motorola Razr V3... else I'd be cussing all the way. Oh well... my block leave is coming to an end, gotta work again this Thursday and I can bet I'll be working my ass off. It's the holiday season after all and I have flights to all the popular holiday destinations...

Anyhoo, I attended my gal friend's wedding yesterday! I don't know why but I feel so happy for her. I know that the man who's now her husband, will treat her very well and she deserves all of it. Speaking of which, I wonder what it's like to be married? It'll be some years before it'll be my turn to walk down the aisle... or maybe not... Moving on, I caught National Treasure on Saturday. It's quite a good show, everything in the storyline fits nicely together and it was nicely wrapped up. Not like Alexander, which was a crap show. Enough said.

My poor baby... think he's under a lot of stress, he's so busy with army and his part-time degree course that he hardly has time for himself, much less, time for me. I admit I have not been helping by being a bitch sometimes... I apologized to him yesterday though... I will make the effort to be more understanding and everything... :)

Friday, December 10, 2004

I witnessed something which I found amusing when I met my cousin, Ailin for lunch this afternoon. We walked out of Raffles Place MRT station and saw a rather large crowd at the entrance. There was quite a ruckus and that piqued our curiosity and so we walked closer. People were actually swarming over, like ants, for a free copy of the TODAY newspaper. Wah lau eh... please man, it's just a freaking newspaper? But you should have seen the way some of them were going for their free copy, like so freaking scared they won't have their FREE copy. Honestly, what gives? Sheeesh...

Had sushi with Ailin and we had a good long talk. I really enjoyed her company... I mean we used to be so close and it's rather rare we have such an opportunity to meet up, much less talk:) She had a 2 hour lunch break since her boss was not around wahahaha:)

So it's a rainy Friday night and I'm at home now. Home on a Friday, while my baby is partying away at China Black, without me! Ah well, guys need their space too, ain't that right? I'll just enjoy a quiet night in.:)
I am a real tech dud. Everyone's blog's are like so much nicer and so much more personalized than mine. I don't even know how to link, change the colour of the fonts or insert a tag board... Aiyoh... Maybe I'm just lazy to find out heh heh heh;p

Erm... kinda embarrassed to admit this but I have not figured out how to use the Bluetooth function on my phone... Can't blame me right? First time I'm owning a phone like that:( I WILL figure it out somehow, once I get used to the phone:)

Jessica wants me to go sky-diving with her when we go to Christchurh . I don't think I have the guts man. It's my absolute phobia. I'm a real chicken when it comes to these kinda activities. Oh someone please pluck my feathers or something, need the courage. Okay, THAT was lame hehehe;p

I need a new hobby. Or I should really force myself to practice the piano. It's about time I push myself. *sigh* Or maybe, I'll just go do cross-stitch, used to enjoy that a lot when I was younger. I managed to complete everything ONCE. I guess it says something about me...I tend to leave things unfinished. Not good at all...
Oh well, gonna go for pilates class yet again. Need to stretch out those tired muscles.

Cya peeps! *muakz*

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I cried tonight. What a way to end an already screwed up night eh? As if things couldn't get worse. For starters, we (my buddy and I) waited an hour plus for our team gal to arrive at Attica. During which, we had to endure this tai tai friend of hers who arrived earlier. She was damn scary by the way, looks like the sort who can gobble you up and spit you out whole. She was quite loud in my opinion. *shudders* Anyhoo, we decided we just had to leave. It would have been social suicide to stay longer. I can only conclude that I'm not cut out to be a tai tai, yet. hehe;p

Jess and I decided to head down to zouk for fun and suss out the scene. The last time i went to Zouk on a Wednesday night was like 2 years back. I swear the crowd has doubled since. We took 15 mins just to get out. No joke. What's the fucking point of clubbing when everyone is so pressed together that there is no room to dance? Thank God I wore high heels, else I'd have been suffocated and most probably horrors of all horrors, have the misfortune of being a victim of BO. And what the hell? I hate it when people smoke while squeezing through the crowd. Like hello? Fucking no brains and just blardy inconsiderate. Really feel like taking their cigarettes and stubbing it out on their foreheads. Jess felt the same as I did but luckily we had each other so it was a consolation at least.:) Anyway, I will never patronize that place again on Wednesdays.

My night ended in tears of hurt, anger and frustration. It has been a quite some time since I really cried and I am glad I did, it's a form of release for me even though it is a sign of weakness. I shan't elaborate any further coz it's just some issues between my baby and I. This is the story of my life. Oh bummer but it will get better.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Just a lil' gripe. I would like to add that not ONLY gals have their mood swings. Guys have them too and it can get quite bad. HmmMph! :(
I'm in a weird mood today, neither happy nor extremely depressed but floating in between, somehow... I'd describe the feeling as detachment. Detachment towards all things that bother me. That's the way I deal with shit that makes me unhappy. I don't really like to confront, I just prefer not to know certain things. I'd rather be blissfully unaware... Anyway, felt much better after I talked to my baby darling just now. Damn it man, feeling fucking bloated, NEED to DETOX, bad. :(

Gonna be a long night again. Just received a msg to go for drinks with my team. My team gal's getting married soon, so it's a mini celebration thingie, sorta. Wonder if it will be fun? Will post an update later.
If you want very toned abs, do Pilates. Need very strong abdominal muscles and every move seems to emphasize on the abs. It involves very controlled movements and I had a great workout without really breaking a sweat. Think I'm gonna source for some videos on Pilates, then I can do it at home if I'm not free to go for class. Gonna try Yoga next.

Didn't plan to club tonight but I did anyway, last minute thingie. Didn't sit too well with my baby I think... we'll see what happens later on hmm? So anyhoo, I just got back from clubbing at China Black. It has been like 2 years since the last time I went there... was with my 2 cousins and we joined up with her cousin and his friends. I managed to dance quite a bit even though I seem to have lost my zest for partying. It just isn't as fun as it used to be, age must be catching up on me man:( Surprised that I did not even touch alcohol heh;p Overall, it was just ok, nothing fantastic though. More importantly, I enjoyed my cousins' company:)

Time to crash. See ya!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Today's the official start of my block leave, could have gone for a holiday if not for the person who plans our rosters. What I know is, i was originally allocated block leave from the 15th to the 23rd, but somehow my leave got brought forward so it was too late to make any plans by then. Disapointed, yes but oh well.... there's always January.

Having my monthly relapse of anti-social tendencies again. Just not in the mood to meet up for 'coffee' or 'lunch' or 'drinks' or what have you. It is getting harder for me to allow people who are not originally close to me to begin with, get close to me. I guess this stems from the fact that my baby doesn't like it, esp. if they are guys heh... A good thing? Perhaps, less complications, as it has constantly been the source of trouble for me in the past. I will always have time for those I consider my close friends though... those who have seen my lil' bitch fits and yet still able to look past that to see the 'good in me'. haha;p

Speaking of which, my baby caused me to have a hissy fit last night. Amazing how he can rile me up like that. Still a bit buay song (unhappy) today hehehe:) It's a silly love-hate relationship. ARGHhHHh! He won't be able to make me this frustrated if I didn't love him so much...

I have done a lot of damage to my bank account lately. Scary. Thank God, I am able to discipline myself to spend within my means and surprise, surprise, I actually have a long-term savings plan.:) Anyhoo, I accompanied my dad to see his physiotherapist 2 days back, thank god he didn't fracture or break any bones when he fell. He is so much better now and I am relieved. Got to change his dressing later on, at least his wound is healing pretty nicely:)

Oooh, and I got a new phone! Sony Ericsson K700i. Definately not the latest model but I've been eyeing in since it was first released. Gonna familiarize myself with it when I get home... Gotta get ready for my first pilates class now. Ta!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

TAUFIK WON!!!!! Our first ever Singapore Idol and he is sure as hell gonna do us proud!:) He was amazing last night, I never knew such talent existed in Singapore, never! To be honest, I voted for Sylvester coz I couldn't decide who I liked better and I figured Taufik would be getting more votes and that he didn't need my vote. I would be happy if either of them won anyway coz they are both very special in their own right:)

Touched yesterday morning, feels good to be back from Frankfurt! Though, I really enjoyed the flight, the station and working with the crew. It was all good! Excellent in fact! If only every flight can be like this then I won't have qualms about working at all without that sense of dread. The 'P' is missing beside my name on the crew list now. Makes a difference I feel. I can work better if people feel like they don't have to look out for me all the time. :)

All in all, life is good, feeling fat yet again so I'm gonna do something about it. I'm forever feeling fat grrrrr...:( I wonder how long this feeling of calm will last? I feel like I can't enjoy being happy fully, coz it usually means something bad will happen after that, it's a cycle.

Went with my dad to see the doctor this morning. He had a fall and a very bad gash on his hand, and he couldn't move his shoulder and had slight difficulty breathing. That silly man didn't wake me up at night to go to the doctor, suffered for over 10 hours with the pain. The wound looked pretty bad and he put tissue paper over it. Tissue paper over an open wound?? *smacks forehead* Anyway, he feels better after he got the wound cleaned up, so that's a consolation to me as well. I am very worried about him though...:(