Friday, September 28, 2007

My journey to work, the time when I sit for take-off and landing and the time before I sleep, is my quiet time with the Lord. For days and weeks, I prayed for guidance and sought for answers. Yesterday, I got an insight to yet, another revelation. What appears apparent, is not always as simple as what it seems.

In my excitement at all that has been happening, I have neglected to consider a few things and look at the bigger picture. I realized that I have forgotten my true reasons of wanting to embark on this journey in the first place. My fear of not having any progress in my life is overwhelming and I have grown tired of packing up and going away. Today, it all came back to me and I understand enough to plan the next step.

I spent my time well yesterday. I had the great priviledge of hanging out and talking to someone that I truly respect and admire, the one who has inspired me. Through her and her friend, I got a lot of answers. It was as if the Lord spoke to me through them. I will pray for ways to facillitate my next move, to be revealed to me. The journey is not going to be an easy one, but I believe in it enough to go ahead.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The poo went missing and I know what happened to it. The eternally hungry Nicky grinned sheepishly as I lectured him about eating his own poo.

Then, my two doggies parked themselves at the entrance of the kitchen and watched me lovingly as I washed and hung the clothes and folded those that were dry.

They eyed my every move with twisted fascination as I washed the dishes and cleared their pee and poo. The duo kept hanging around as my brother vacuumed the floor.

It bore some semblance to my mother's usual routine that they have gotten used to and you can almost hear their happy sighs. Dogs love having a routine and they are missing my mom dearly.

I miss her too and I hope she comes back from her holiday in Korea soon.
Soon people will know... it is not something I am exactly thrilled about, because of the added pressure. But yet, if I don't speak of it, many doors would have been kept closed and I would have lost out on valuable insights.

Also, I do know that there are people who appear supportive but secretly want things to remain as they are. There is nothing much I wish to say, though my heart is indeed feeling a little heavy. With my best efforts, I will continue to forge ahead.

And I will pray for the Lord to walk this journey with me.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Life is one big unfinished picture, til the day we take our last dying breath and say goodbye to the world. Someone described very aptly, our life as 'works in progress'. It struck me how true that is. No matter how long we have lived, how many different experiences we may have had or how much we think we know, we are never really complete.

There are so many questions resonating from the core of my soul, which I have yet to find the answers to. Even when I think I have, the answers do not keep me satisfied for very long. Then I would seek again and try to make sense of all that is going on around me.

But then again, if I knew everything, I would be God. So it is just best to leave it in His hands and trust in His Wisdom.

I do not need to know everything. Perhaps, the less I know, the better it is.
The running groove is back. The 5km run I did the day before and 8km run I did at East Coast Park today was exceptional. The runner's high lasted throughout the night and I think I will be sleeping very well.

The new lifestyle I have adopted is indeed making positive changes to my life so you can be sure that I will keep this up. I will pick up rollerblading as it is not so punishing on the knees. It is something I am totally looking forward to, once I get myself a new pair of rollerblades.

I have been thinking a lot lately, sometimes it is good to indulge in something that takes my mind off things, no?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dogs do get depressed over the way they look too. Absolutely comical, I cannot help but be amused.:) Miko's recent grooming session left her looking like an odd hybrid of a Miniature Pinscher, a Chihuahua and a barrel. Gone is the big hair and the mane she used to toss about so proudly. The groomer shaved off everything, save for a little flower of a tail.

Poor Miko. She came up to greet me when I got back this morning and whined before listlessly slinking back to her usual corner. She is extremely self-conscious about it and lying low for the moment. No more strutting about in her usual yaya papaya way and acting cute.

I think I understand, if I know I have had a fugly haircut, I'd behave the same way too. Hell, she is just like me.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

What a great way to spend the weekend. I caught Swan Lake on Ice with my cousin yesterday and I absolutely loved it. Following which, we attended the healing service at Lighthouse Evangelism with both our mothers. Then, I caught Ratatouille with a friend thereafter. I adored that movie and its underlying theme. The tale is simple, sweet and yet carries a powerful message. Anyone can do anything if they dare to dream and not limit themselves to what society dictates.

I like that.

I attended church again this morning with Judy, her beau and her friend. After which, I went for fitting for the dress I am to wear for Judy's big day. She asked me to be her bridesmaid and I am deeply honoured to be a part of it. I cannot wait and I am so excited for her!:) Another one of my dear gal friends is getting married next month and I am very extremely happy for her as well, though it came as a surprise. It is lovely to see them bask in the glow of the upcoming wedding bliss and their happiness radiating from their faces. And as for me, I have something else to be happy about.

:)

I am off to Amsterdam tonight, be back soon.

Friday, September 14, 2007

In the biblical sense, I was reminded of Adam, Eve and the serpent. Uncertainty clouded my mind and my conviction wavered only for that moment, then it was gone.

I would not be able to identify the 'serpent' until more things come to light, in the meantime, I can only trust the Lord.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Nothing in life is for certain, and I am resigned to the fact that I cannot take things for granted and expect things to remain the same. While it is nice to have a pollyanna approach to life's issues, the reality is that nothing is forever and nothing remains the same. That, I do not forget.
So I let myself to go with the flow and allow myself to be pleasantly surprised.

I have had many pleasant surprises over the past few months and this morning was no exception. I broke the news to her and braced myself for a violent reaction. To my astonisment, she took it well and was very cool about it. By taking the plunge and telling her, I feel an incredible lightness in my heart.

Something miraculous is at work here and I am basking in the glory of it at long last.

Monday, September 10, 2007

When is it ever a good time break a piece of news? Almost never, if you know that the recipient will not take the news very well.

I have left a few things in limbo for now as I have to ponder about the next step very carefully. It is unwise to go ahead and start counting my chickens until I know more and things become even more certain. What is left to do now is to pray for guidance and wise counsel and to tell mommy.

That, I will have to do eventually.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Nabei... Slid off my seat after paying the bill and landed on my ass. So shy man... I sprang up like a deer and laughed it off hehehe:) P.T had a good laugh out of it, but so did I heh. Just one of those days. eh?

But having said that, I have been having a wonderful time meeting up some of my friends over the past 2 days., particularly tonight. My hot date was with my beloved batch girl, P.T, who has left the airline recently. There was lotsa laughter and much to share, the same good old times that I miss. The night ended on a very pleasant note which lingered on after we parted ways.

The 4km run after I came back from town was much needed. I am off to bed now, gotta wake up to get ready to fly to Beijing in 2 hours' time.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

This morning, I received some news that will enable me to plan my next step. Now, I will have a huge decision to make that will change my whole life in years to come. There is no comfort zone to speak of until many years later and only, if I make it through. Sometimes, I wonder where I find the courage to proceed up to this stage where before, I was so afraid of change and the possibility of failure and hardship. This will be a tough journey but I know I will not be alone. I only know that when you find a purpose in your life, you do not let it go. The destination is in sight, but it is the journey that counts and defines your life.

There is a time for everything and the time is now. The events leading up to this have fallen into place so seamlessly that it is more than just a mere coincidence. I am in awe and at a loss for words, yet I am strangely calm and my mind is at peace. God has provided me in ways that are far more than what I have asked for. Whatever the outcome, it will be the best for me. I keep that faith.

A girl who dares to dream big. Dreams to come true, eventually, if you believe in it hard enough.