Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What I need right now is the single glow of a candle in the darkest of rooms. Yet another part of me died tonight.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

At times, I feel I can see the life I want laid out in front of me, yet when I look again, it is fraught with uncertainty. The only thing constant is change and if that is the case, I can only hope the change will free me of the limbo that has kept me prisoner. It has been too long.

Though it ain't a bed of roses right now, I have been blessed in many other ways, blessings which I am thankful for. It is only a matter of time before I take another important step in my life, in that aspect, it has been a pleasant surprise and I really cannot ask for more.

I really hope there is more to life, I have too many questions... I want to see, I want to understand. Above all, I want to find that deeper purpose of my existence. Can I make sense of it all?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Nothing like a letter to express one's innermost thoughts and feelings, things that are often hard to say out loud. The power of the written word is definitely not to be underestimated, because it can set everything right.

Having said that, I am at peace and I will focus on what is important to me now and set the stage for everything that is about to fall into place. My daily conversations with God has restored my innate faith in His perfect plan and perfect timing.

As all the events start to unfold, slowly but surely, I am beginning to see.

Monday, March 15, 2010

He is starting to make things right again, my prayers have been heard. :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I do not want to be human because I do not want to feel anymore. The chest pain I have been feeling the whole of yesterday and today is not going away, am I going to suffer from a heart attack soon?

I have to brace myself for whatever is to come, God, please give me the strength and the wisdom to know the difference.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

How we do or say certain things can bring about different outcomes. Overwhelmed with disappointment, I don't think I can do this anymore...
The pain has subsided into a dull ache and although things are back to some semblance of normalcy, something in me has changed. Nothing is absolute, everything changes and will continue to change. I just have to be tough enough to take it in my stride.

The feelings are still the same but I will no longer allow myself to be vulnerable. What will be the straw that break the camel's back, or will it get better from hereon? Does it all have to be a game?

I do not know what I can believe in anymore, but the only one I believe in is the Lord above.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Why is it that nearly everything I believe so strongly in, end up shattering my spirit? My heart is burdened and weary and the pain engulfs me. If only I could stop feeling.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Mistakes we all make. Though I have made some questionable choices in the past, I have certainly learnt a few lessons from them and have moved on. Some stigmas, however, are quite hard to shake off and I have been the subject of ridicule and unkind comments because of them. Whatever la, I hardly bat an eyelid because other than being slightly irritated, they never did affect me anyway. People can say all they want but after awhile they will just get tired and find something else to talk about.

As far as I am concerned, once I move on, I bury the past. Pretty cold, yes, but I am not one to look back with sentimental fondness. Besides, I got it right this time.

Yesterday, something pissed me off big time and I am exasperated but only because I care. Months of persuasion has led my brother and I back to square one and we are getting worried. This is one mistake I don't think I will be able to live with, not pushing harder and doing something earlier when we can. Every approach and angle has been met with great resistence. I pray for a way to get through that stubborn wall.