Saturday, August 30, 2008

The week has gone by in a flash. Yet, it's another sleepless night for me as I mull over the restless thoughts that are keeping me awake. The old cynic in me has returned and I am feeling a renewed sense of detachment from everything and everyone. The journey I have chosen is a very lonely one and I feel more alone than ever. Though I have been unhappy about the way some things are done, it is not time to speak up yet.

The true colours of some people around me are more obvious than ever and they sure as hell aren't pretty. In an environment where people clambour over others to get ahead and conveniently shift responsibities to others, it is a struggle to suppress the strong desire to lash out at such characters. I must change my hotheaded mentality, lower my expectations of people and fight the battle in the most non-confrontational way posssible.

I no longer find comfort in the same places and tonight, I realized just how much I have misplaced my faith. Isn't it ironic that the ones who hurt us the most are the ones closest to our hearts? I am hardly surprised as it has always been common knowledge, that has sadly been proven time after time. The only one who truly knows how I feel is God and I pray His love will soothe the unhappiness in my soul.

Right now I just want to be left alone.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Love does not necessarily equate to patience. For some strange reason, I am usually tolerant towards people who are not close to my heart and yet lash out at those who are. Viv is the total opposite, he seems to have the patience of a saint when it comes to me but hey, I cannot help it if I am cute and that amuses him enough to take my nonsense. I was in one of my moods today and poor Viv had to bear the brunt of my bad behavior. I feel bad about it now, though the thought of us irritating each other on purpose does allow a smile to play on my lips.

I don't like being too nice and accomodating because people take advantage of it and that annoys me to no end. There have already been some instances over here where I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick. However in this case, it is better to get along than get my way, just that I will put my foot down if it gets too much.

Having said all that, I must make a conscious effort not to take Viv for granted and love him even more. He just has to wait for PMS to get out of the way first.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The conditions were far from favourable but I experienced a breakthrough at the eleventh hour. Though I was bumped around the entire sortie, I had more positive control and managed to do a stabilized approach with much better judgement. I also made a conscious effort not to repeat my past mistakes and was successful in achieving the accuracy that I wanted.

Surprisingly, the two cushions, instead of one, made all the difference! This is the standard I want to keep up and hopefully, improve even further. I know I sound very vague in my more recent entries but unfortunately, only people in the know will understand just what I am describing. But for now, I prefer to remain elusive on this matter.

Right now, I am simply beaming from ear to ear and I can hardly wait for the next sortie! I am close to the clearing the first hurdle.

=)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

People change, for better or worse, and it is hard to find a friendship that stands the test of time. Many friendships are forged on a superficial level and these often crumble away into nothing after awhile. Even those who have had a steady presence in my life flicker on and off, like the flame of a candle, especially when their priorities change.

It is indeed an imperfect world that we live in and to find that perfect friendship or relationship is akin to finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. Nothing is forever and I have accepted that people come and go and that some friends are really not worth the effort. Then there are some people who resuface after a few years to give a fresh new jolt to the friendship that was long forgotten. I find it very heartwarming when I feel an affinity or connection to some people, even if it is only for that fleeting moment. Even better if it is for a longer period or time.

There are some friendships that I would love to rekindle while there are some that I would prefer to leave in the dust as I move on. I am happy to say that I have a few meaningful friendships right this moment and it is only fair that I focus on the people who really matter and to let go of those who have disappointed me one time too many.

Digressing now, I am really happy at how things have panned out and I am moving surely towards where I have set my sights on. A few days ago, I realized just how much my mother loves me and that it must have taken her great courage to support the decisions I have made so far. I love my mommy so very much and I am even more determined to do her proud. There is no giving up now and I will do myself the biggest favour that I have ever done for myself by placing absolute trust in the Lord.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Blackout. The darkness that enveloped me was so black that my eyes could barely pierce through the night. It was a scary affair navigating the corridors as I was half expecting to see a flash of white streak past me. But thankfully, that did not happen. Heh, me and my imagination.

The past few days have been very fulfilling and I can feel myself improving. It is indeed a very gratifying experience and I am totally looking forward to the next sortie.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I would love it here a lot more if I can take to the skies more often. The simple joy of being close to the sky with the clouds just within reach, the feeling of the warm sun and the gentle breeze carassing your skin is absolute heaven.

I am a fighter and I want to improve and be better than ever. Now that the gears have been set in motion, the optimism is back and things are starting to look up once again. Having Viv in my life and right by my side is the best thing of all.