Thursday, November 26, 2009

I managed to catch the movie, Amelia, a film based on the life of famous female aviation pioneer, Amelia Earhart. The legacy that she has left behind remains unparalleled and her achievements are awe-inspiring.

The movie was beautiful and highly motivational. The scenes of her flights transported me back to my days of flying in Jandakot, how I miss it all! I long to be up in the endless expanse of blue skies, with the melodic hum of the engines in the background, while I relish the freedom of flying solo.

Indeed, dreams know no boundaries and the sky is the limit.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

WHO AM I - CASTING CROWNS

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


The above, are the lyrics to the song that deeply resonates with my soul and summarizes my Christian faith thus far.

Who am I? 5 years ago, I would not have the answer to that question, but after accepting Christ into my life again in 2006, I know now... Religion aside, it is very important to know our identity and our purpose in life as it gives us our direction, without which, we'd just be drifting along like a piece of deadwood.

Over the years, I have established my own identity and I dare say I have a pretty strong sense of purpose. However, I would experience occasional bouts of self-doubt, confusion and fear of the unknown, all usually due to external influences. There will always be people who give advice that contradicts our beliefs and perhaps, confuse us even further. Then there may also be some experiences that we are unwittingly exposed to, which may subtly cause us to lose ourselves over time. Being a Christian keeps me in check, so when I stray, I never stray too far.

Knowing what you want in life is 90% of the battle won, because when it finally comes your way, you'd be able to identify it and not let it slip you by. A few years back, I remember lamenting to a good friend, on the the boats that I kept missing and he told me to wait for a ship instead. Then one day in August this year, the ship came to me, and I am glad I held out for it.

Looking back, I am happy with all the choices I have made so far and how my life has changed because of them. I am feeling incredibly happy these days and there is just so much love to give. I feel nearly complete and many things are falling nicely into place. Once I am where my dreams have taken me, it will be complete.

The best thing that has happened to me in 2009 besides getting my license, is having met that special someone whom I can share those dreams with. God is good.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The sleeping faces of my dogs look so serene all the time, I love watching them sleep.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Choice is Made

It has been a gentle crescendo leading up to that moment of epiphany. It started with a keener sense of awareness and then in a single instant, everything comes together to form a clearer picture.

The choice is made and my priorities are set. There is something I am starting to understand about myself, that I need that personal time to reflect and focus my energies on maintaining a harmonious balance that keeps me at my peak. Only then, can I hear the little voice within which guides me and that sets me on the right track.

I know what I want and I will head straight for that direction and hold out for it if I have to. The other avenues will be explored if I do not make it for whatever reason. All in good time!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I just heard some news tonight, that someone I do not like got something I want, ahead of me. My heart sank, but I fought off the initial feelings of negativity.

It is good that I have drawn much closer to God lately as it has opened my eyes and made me understand a few things which I did not before. I read a few pages of the bible today and a verse from the chapter of Matthew stood out, it was about judging others.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3
Then it all became clear to me when I was informed about the news. There is something I can learn from this person and I must humble myself in order to see it... If we make God the centre of our lives, we will be rewarded with His blessings. Come to think of it, it is ironic that I can actually learn something from someone I do not think much of, but I must put my pride and my judgmental opinions aside as it does not do me any good. Those who judge, including myself, will be judged as well so it is time I removed that plank from my eye.

I must keep my heart pure so that I can receive God's true wisdom and I must be conscious to protect my heart from the taint of negativity. My faith is not perfect and I am 'work in progress', but I will make an effort to be a better person.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I Never Walk Alone

I welcome the peace and quiet, for it is the time I turn contemplative and have the luxury to mull over my thoughts. This is something I need to do often to keep me grounded as it is very easy to get caught up in the not-so-pleasant realities of life and lose myself in the process.

Some influences are subconscious and it creeps up upon you and eventually consumes you if you are not aware of it happening. We all need a reality check from time to time and learn to put our egos aside, though I firmly believe one must not lose their dignity and self respect.

There are just some people in my life who are simply not good for me, and perhaps it is best I keep a polite distance from now on. Rather than to get irritated and be a bitch, I shall just adopt a dismissive approach and not be concerned with the trivial things that piss me off these days.

I am a person with very strong opinions and I know what I want in life. However, I have come to realize that lately, it has become too important for me to get my point across and defend my choices, mostly to people who do not really matter and who do not understand shit. No more of that because from now on, I shall just talk less and listen more.

My battles in life are chosen wisely and I will only focus on the ones which are in line with my purpose and that will drive and motivate me. Sometimes, it is better not to engage in the ones which are pointless and sap your energy. Whoever said we need to challenge ourselves all the time and win them all?

The best things that have happened to me are those which I have committed to the Lord and have held out for. After experiencing many false hopes and initial disappointments, I am now together with someone whom I love and who is good for me in every way, and vice versa. I apply the same attitude towards my dream of flying for an airline based in Singapore. I will continue to hold out for what I want until it is evident God has other plans for me.

I never walk alone because I have God in my life and I believe that the best is yet to come.

Monday, November 09, 2009

There is nothing much for me to write about. My life is great at the moment and I am perfectly happy with the way things are, so I will just leave it at that. What I have come to realize is that the human nature is as such, it is easy for most people to share a person's sorrow, but not when it comes to sharing one's joy.

Whenever I get asked the question, "So how's the love life?" and I give a positive answer, the feigned happiness does not escape me at all. In fact, is so easy to identify the ones who are guilty of it. It is like when I have having some issues that I am not too happy about, I suddenly have many 'best friends'. When things are all good, the same 'best friends' disappear in a cloud of superficiality.

To a certain extent, I am very private about my personal life, choosing only to share the details with those who are genuine. As for me when I choose to ask, it is out of concern and if I don't, it just means I don't really care. If it has been broadcasted frequently on Facebook, Twitter or any other form of social media, then I also do not need to ask the obvious.

Okay, I am feeling extremely sleepy now, time for bed.

Friday, November 06, 2009

With a renewed sense of purpose, the fire in me has started burning once more. The reasons for not getting what I thought I wanted, have become clear to me today. The Lord has other plans for me and I have been listening to the inner voice, guiding me to my next baby step.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Pissed no longer, just resigned...

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Even though I know better, I am still pissed, especially when there is no 'closure' to speak of. There is nothing I hate more than to drop the matter without settling it properly and because things are left hanging tonight, I would probably go to bed angry.

It is tiring to consider others when it is not quite appreciated. I know I should be more understanding, but that kind of reaction to a simple question, was unwarranted. It is still something I find very difficult to swallow and let go.

An occasional struggle it has become, whether or not to be completely honest about what I am feeling, or to keep it in.

I hate the way unresolved matters make me feel, I fucking hate it.