Thursday, December 31, 2009

I started the last day of 2009 with a 5km morning run, doing the laundry, walking the dogs and washing Nicky's furry behind because he had the runs and smeared shit all over the floor.

A very ordinary morning for 2009, but what an extraordinary year it was on the whole. Though it was peppered with stress, uncertainty and some unhappy moments, there have been many happy highlights that are worthy of mention and be thankful for.

I was successful in getting my CPL/IR(ME), which brings me closer to my dream than ever before. Got baptized in October and have grown spiritually ever since. Christmas meant a lot more to me this year as I was able to give in a way I haven't done before. Best of all, I met someone special, he is my rock, love of my life, soul mate and astrological twin.

2010 looks set to be a very promising year, one of personal fulfillment and blessings in more ways than one. Time to cast out all that is bad and embrace the good that is to come with open arms. I can hardly wait and I look forward to it with great optimism and faith.

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Am at work right this moment with sleep deprivation blues, still feeling the effects of the tummy ache that robbed me of my sleep last night. I want to write but I am too tired to think. Long evening ahead, will pen down my thoughts when I have more spare capacity.

Sigh...
Wide awake at 2.39am in the morning. All that activity going on in my head these few days is keeping me vigil. When I do fall asleep eventually, the dreams that I have been having of late punctuates my slumber, robbing me of quality sleep.

By chance, I came to know about something that I am not quite happy about. As much as I feel like being an irrational bitch, I have to keep my cool and play my cards right. However, I am going to have to put my foot down with regards to this, as far as I am concerned, whatever is past is done dusted and should stay buried. To put it mildly, I do not give a flying fuck about the history, but should the past encroach into the present, I have every right to know and put a stop to it, diplomatically.

I promise to be nice.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Life is strange like that... the less I have, the more I want to give. But since I do not have a big budget to bust now, I give in more meaningful, thoughtful ways. There were many things I wanted, but now, what I really want cannot be bought from a store. The material world beckons sometimes, but these days, I am hardly seduced by something that will only bring me temporary happiness

My darling asked me to choose my Christmas present yesterday and we wandered into a few choice boutiques to have a look-see. I would walk out empty-handed each time, which finally led him to declare that it was hard to buy anything for me. After all, it is not everyday that a girl will say no to a little trinket from Tiffany & Co. The intention was sweet of course, but I just do not think it is worth spending that kind of money on something that does not really appeal to me.

Besides, I am very specific about the things I like and want. Don't get me wrong, when someone gives me a present, I definitely appreciate the thoughtful gesture. However, it is just that when I get to choose, the process becomes quite complicated. That, my other half can attest to. Heh.

I usually get the things which catch my eye and hold my interest, but considering how fugly and tacky most of the clothes, bags and shoes are these days, it is better to pass. Furthermore, I still love the things that I own now as they have served me very well. Having said that, I think I pretty much have all that I want and need for now.

What I really want is something money cannot buy. I want the means to provide well for my family, give back whatever I took and more. I want my dreams to become a reality and I want to walk the journey of life with the one I love and respect, by my side. Above all, I want to lead a fulfilling life with God in the centre of it all.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Yes, I admit that I do get bothered by the small stuff every now and then, and today is one of those days. Inconsiderate behavior is one thing I have little tolerance for and any encounter with it causes the bitch in me to rear its ugly head, well almost.

I hate it when people refuse to move to the back of a crowded bus while other people are waiting to board. Even more annoying to me is when some people lean their whole body against the pole in a MRT train during peak hours, while surrounding commuters grasp gingerly at whatever they can hold on to. All these things happening in one day is enough to make a matter as trivial as forgetting to inform me when lunch plans are cancelled, piss me off.

Snooty people irritate the hell out of me too, though the irony is I do have an aloof disposition as well.

Ah well, fuck it all, just wanted to rant. Now that I am done, I have a Christmas gathering to look forward to this evening.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas this year will be a lot more interesting and meaningful than the previous years. It is nice to finally feel the spirit of Christmas, after being numb to the occasion for so long. Perhaps I did something differently, I gave something a little more than just a gift from the store.

There has been a positive flurry of activity in my life and I now greet each day with refreshed optimism. Recently, someone whom I got back in touch with all of a sudden has advised not to share my career plans with people. It is an advice I will heed as I am honestly very tired of talking about it and I feel I do not need to answer to people whom I am not very close to, especially not the process.

So that being that, my post is short and sweet. I am off to bed as I have a long day tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Yesterday night, I turned into that little girl. There is something about crying that soothes the inner turmoil, like the calm after a storm. It is really something I should learn to do more often.

In these 4 months, I have cried more times then I did the whole of last year and the years before that. Without going too much into the details, the one who caused it was also the one who stayed by my side and comforted me when I did. Quarrels are a necessary evil but it must still be done in a manner that is civilized. As painful as it is sometimes, I am a firm believer that issues need to be addressed and should never be swept under the rug.

I would like to share this daily devotional which I received in my email this morning, just after I wrote my last entry:
Never Alone, Always Cared For

1 Peter 5:7
7casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

It does not matter how tightly knit our families are or how many close friends we have. When we go through a difficult time or trial, many a time, we still feel all alone and that no one really cares or understands.

Martha knew that feeling. She had on one occasion cried out to Jesus, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?” (Luke 10:40) Jesus’ disciples also knew what it was like to feel small, alone and in trouble. They cried out, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?” when they were swept up in a terrifying storm. (Mark 4:38)

Today, maybe the cry of your heart is also, “Lord, do You not care that I am left all alone… that I am going under… that I am perishing?”

My friend, the Lord does care for you. He loves you so much that He wants you to cast all your cares upon Him — not just some but all your cares. He wants both your big and small cares. There is nothing too small or big for Him. If it is a care in your heart, He wants you to cast it upon Him.

When the apostle Peter wrote “casting all your care upon Him”, he was talking about the continuous act of casting all your cares upon the Lord. As a care comes, God wants you to cast it to Him. That is the lifestyle He wants you to adopt. Why? The verse gives us the reason — “for He cares for you”. You are casting all your cares upon the One who loves you, and who left all of heaven to come and die for you. That is who you are casting your cares to. It is not just any person, but it is the One who gave His life for you!

When you are going through a difficult time, God wants you to believe that you are never alone because He Himself has said that He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5) As the object of His care, He will take care of you for the rest of your life. You are never alone and always cared for!


More than a mere coincidence? He is listening.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, that is where I am at the moment and it is definitely not the most comfortable position to be in. The words 'comfort zone' is both strange and foreign to me and I cannot seem to recall the last time I was in that place.

These days, I can only find comfort in writing and in my heartfelt prayers to God, though it has become increasingly difficult for me to express my private thoughts and feelings. A private struggle ensues and I am teetering on the edge of exhaustion for reasons not many can comprehend.

I am blessed to have a lot of people who have been a constant support in my life, but even then, there is only so much they can understand.

Secretly, I am glad that I am not as alone as I feel, for I can turn to God who knows me best.

On a brighter note, some things are going according to plan and I am relieved to have caught that opportune moment yesterday. I had to step even further out of my already uncomfortable zone to make it happen but it is all quite positive. However, I was rebuked for disappearing from the scene and missing out on an opportunity because I was not active enough to catch the wave. All is not lost and from all the information I have managed to gather, I have an idea what is to come next. I need to secure this for myself and I can only see how everything will pan out a few months down the road and be ready.

A lot remains to be seen and I must hold out for what I want and stay true to my beliefs.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Today, I completed my 2nd 10KM run for the year. Since this is the first time I am participating in the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon, I decided to start with a modest distance of 10KM.

Other than the CAAS Aviation 10KM run which I took part in last month, I have never completed this distance before. Despite being very slack with my training, I finished with a decent timing, about 65 minutes or so. Although I did not push myself that hard, I just kept going at a steady pace without stopping and only speed up significantly for the last 2KM.

My body had been surprisingly conditioned to run this distance and to challenge myself even more, I am going to take part in the half marathon next.

Friday, December 04, 2009


A lone picture in my blog of many words... I had my graduation tonight and finally obtained my wings. It is more than a just a recognition for having successfully completed my course, to me, it signifies all the odds I have overcome and that my dreams are about to become a reality. It is my personal symbol of faith, hope and freedom.

Though the poorly-tailored college blazer I had to wear did not do justice to my frame and was totally unflattering on all counts, I was glad that the 2 of the people I love most were with me to share this important occasion.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

What's next? At this point of time, it is not a question I can ask myself because I know what I want next but it is only a matter of time before they can become reality.

Now, I want to focus on my personal development and my spiritual growth and be grounded in faith. Perhaps, now I want to know what I can give and how I can make a difference.