Monday, November 26, 2007

Like a tidal wave, it all comes at once. I must brace and try to ride above the wave.
Having caught a glimpse of what is to come, the magnitude of what I am about to put myself through is starting to sink in.

Oh God.

It all started with a dream, one that is slowly fleshing out to become a reality with each baby step I take. All that crushing disappointments in my life are now a distant memory. Faith and a burning conviction kept me going as I weaved my way around the many obstacles in my path.

It overwhelms me when I realize just how far I have come, yet even at this point, I still have a very long way to go. Will my fighting spirit, very much alive and kicking, be strong enough to withstand a test of this immensity?

Even with the incredible amount of encouragement and support around me, it is a very lonely journey that I have to go through alone. A journey of a thousand miles that begin with a single step. I have made the biggest step of all, the only thing left to do is to keep going.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I am counting down as the days inch forward at a crawl. With bated breath, I await a new beginning as it looms nearer.

Yet as I write this entry, I do not know where to begin. My thoughts are crashing about like tidal waves in my mind as I eagerly anticipate the possibilities ahead. It is a whole range of emotions that I am experiencing and at this point, it is hard to determine exactly what I am feeling. Overall, it is the positive and happy feelings that are predominant, tarnished however, with a tinge of sadness.

Today, a good friend of mine was distraught when he messaged me over MSN. One of his best buddies recently passed away. He died a horrible death in a freak accident. Even though, I have never met the guy before, I feel my friend's loss deeply and it sombred me up. I do not even want to imagine what it is like to feel such a loss, because I do not think I can bear it. I pray that God will bless his soul.

How fragile and precious life is, isn't it? Delicate as glass and once shattered, it is near impossible to piece the fragmented shards back together without the cracks. Thus, it is a promise to myself to enjoy this journey, appreciate whatever I have and lead a fulfilling like.

There will be no regrets. If I had to choose all over again, I would not change anything at all.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Caught The Bee Movie today. I have three words to say about it "OH MY GOD". Those who are in the know of what is happening in my life right now will understand why.

Goodnight!

Monday, November 12, 2007

With a single phone call, I have set in motion, a chain of events that will change my life. Things are going to be a whirl from now on and I may not have the time to catch my breath.

I am going to plunge into this with great joy and enthusiam and embrace my new life with vigour and passion. The journey begins now and I will make this long journey with courage and absolute faith in the Lord. I thank God for everyone who has stood by me, I cannot do this alone.

Dare to dream, and as my cousin, Cheryl, always tells me, listen to that inner voice within you. I am glad I did, THIS changes everything.

=)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Grey... I hate that colour with a vengeance. When it comes to certain affairs in life, I like things to be in black and white. God was merciful and answered my prayers when I begged him every night to shed some light on the grey areas in my life.

Today, the Lord gave me my deliverence. Even though the outcome was not in my favour, a sense of relief washed over me and the shackles that have bound me to the unknown fell at my feet and disappeared. Then, my spirits lifted and my mind was at peace once again.

The truth hurts sometimes, but only for awhile. The pain of not knowing is prolonged and causes more suffering. Though it takes great courage to face up to the former, I would choose to brace myself for it. There are no illusions about it and there is great clarity that I see in the picture before me.

We all have certain angels that come into our lives, and I am very blessed to have many such angels. I hope that I can be that angel in people's lives too, that encouraging force that lifts them up and share the blessings that I know of.

Having said that, nothing in life is certain because everything changes. We have to find that silver lining in every passing cloud as I have learnt to do. After being knocked about so many times, it is exactly what keeps me going. Listen to that inner voice within you and let it guide you.

It can only get better.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Still seeing stars from all those camera flashes. I have never liked being photographed, but today, I must have been photographed a million times. In more days than one, was an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. Nevertheless, it was wonderful being a part of the biggest day in Judy's life. The smile on my face was genuine as I walked down the aisle, ahead of her and my heart sang with joy for my friend when she exchanged her vows.

Sharing someone else's joy and living for moments of happiness like these makes the world a better place. The hidden blessings are always lurking in the crevices of even the darkest corner, if you know where to look.

Friday, November 09, 2007

My life is thrown out of its delicate balance once again. Thoughts clouded by uncertainties and the constant niggling feeling that something does not feel right.

My gut feel has been honed to a certain degree of accuracy these days. I do not know what I know but I just know... The last thing I want to do is to deal with complicated.

If only it could be that simple but I cannot find the words to express the complexity of my feelings. I cannot talk to the people I used to be able to talk to and at this time, I have never felt more alone in my life. Sometimes I wish I can be swept away and just disappear. Yet, I have not forgotten my blessings in the form of my cousin and some friends, that helps to keep me grounded.

This morning, I felt that my prayers were answered. I received some news I have been waiting a long time for, with a twist that may require a different plan of action. More waiting, more uncertainty and God knows what else.

I feel like I am drowning.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Back to reality now. The past week has gone by in a whirl, and it was over before it started to sink in. It is definitely one of the more special moments in my life and I am glad that I enjoyed those moments whilst experiencing them. Having said that, we all have to come back down to earth and at times like these, reality does suck because it leaves a bitter aftertaste.

I have missed all my friends and my dear cousin very much. I thank God for their presence I am ever so glad to have them around. The joy they bring into my life is not something I would trade for the world.

My heart is heavy and there are a lot of things on my mind. There are just too many things that are left unsaid. I will wait and see because wait is all I do these days. Despite myself, the expectations are starting to creep in and it scares me. It is not the best time for me to deal with complicated right now. Only the Lord can open my eyes and it is Him I shall seek.

Off to Auckland early tomorrow morning. Things will set themselves right.