Not too long ago, I would often wonder what it was like to experience true, lasting happiness, if ever. I wondered for many years, having swallowed one bitter pill too many. Disappointment would often come in the form of hope, and when the disguise comes off to reveal the true ugliness of the situation, I would pick myself up with a heavy heart and soldier on.

I had this knack of attracting unwanted drama into my life, when all I yearned for was the simplicity which eluded me. It came to a point where I was almost afraid to be happy because the blow that comes after could be best described as crushing. Then, I was numb.

Looking back, the disappointments were a blessing because if I had gotten my way, I would only be making do or worse, putting up with something that is so obviously going to make me unhappy. Knowing what I wanted was half the battle won as I was not afraid to say 'fuck it', and move on. Whatever I do not get now only means I am meant to have something better, so I learnt to hold out for what I really want.

24th of August, 2009 was the beginning of a wonderful chapter in my life and though there quite a fair bit of tears and challenges, I now wonder if it is possible to be this happy. It is even better than what I had hoped for and I am glad I held out for one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Then I understood. There is something else I am holding out for and when it finally comes, I know I will experience true, lasting happinesss.