Finally... a real break following four, fast and furious turnarounds in a row. In between catching my breath, dealing with a persistent tension headache and totally knocking out after that, I found the time to reflect and think about a thing or two.

There was this sudden snap realization on what has been gnawing at me the past few of months. Thus, I made the decision to put my foot firmly down and say NO. No to something which I feel obligated to do, but have serious reservations about.

Sometimes life is tough like that. I believe many of us have been caught in situations whereby we find it hard to say 'no' even if against our better interests, because we have this subconscious need for people to think well of us. Me and my itchy posterior again... I put myself in a position where I tried to commit myself to something which I was just not feeling all hot about.

I deeper I feel I have sunk into it, the more the invisable alarm bells went off, which I ignored. Why? Because I don't like the idea of 'quitting' halfway, or what the nice people I feel obligated to, would think. I tried my best to be positive and happy about it. But even for a naturally optimistic person like me, all that effort to try and psych myself up did not work.

How did that affect me? I experienced a multitude of ongoing issues all of a sudden and a few aspects of my life started going downhill. For no rhyme or reason, I started feeling jaded, lethargic, dull and seriously quite brain dead. Then, I started having these tension headaches which prompted my doctor to say to me, "You are not superwoman, give some things up because you are trying to do too much."

So I made my decision to give it up and I will stick by it. Fuck obligations, it is still not too late to pull out of it. Believe me, the moment I did that, it was as if the gears of my life started turning again and I could feel the stagnancy slowly lifting. That, is the power of a decision, it creates changes that can literally turn the whole course of your life. I can feel the surge of the familiar energy in me once again. Without passion, there is no meaning for me. It makes all that difference...

I feel like I have been given a new lease of life, now I can start over. I will end this entry with a quote my friend shared with me.

There are many things in life that will catch your eyes, but only some will catch your heart. Pursue those!