Since my return from Singapore, I have not attended cell group meetings, nor church. It was only yesterday that I decided to make an effort and go, yet throughout the service, I felt strangely disconnected from everything and I left, feeling this sudden gnawing sense of emptiness.

It is temporary and will come to pass, but at this stage, it is crucial that I feel my best, but I don't. There is a disharmony in me that is threatening to sabotage my state of mind and I am starting to feel something I have not felt in a long time, fear.

I need to pick which battles to fight because I cannot win them all and at the moment, it becomes apparent to me that my biggest enemy is myself. I am the reason for the way I am feeling and it is a struggle not to let myself slide any further.

Though I surprised myself with how well my last sortie went, there is a knot in my stomach. The all-too-familiar feeling of fear is about to consume me and I need to trust, trust in the Lord.