I went to sleep last night, angry and with a heavy heart. The problems have surfaced yet again and it was very apparent that it has not been resolved, despite many attempts to address the issues.
It was indeed wrong of me to lash out and say all those hurtful things. True, there could have been a better way to handle things, I admit that as much. However, saying what I feel does not seem to work anymore because I am no longer being taken seriously. The frustrations have built up to a crescendo and I am sick of skirting the issues and sweeping them under the rug, pretending that they are not there. It is a lie that I refuse to live because I don't want to realize it is all a mistake a few years down the road. Communication is absolutely vital but since that element seems to be missing now, I don't know how things will be from hereon. The disappointment is overwhelming but I am starting to feel numb and I will get over it.
I called my mom again today. It is great to know that everything is going on fine back home and that sets my mind at ease. My brother was baptized last Sunday and it is very uplifting to know that my dad is attending church as well. It is heartwarming to know that he is being received warmly with sincere hearts. It fills me with gladness that he has finally come to know the Lord.
I am saddened and there us a lot going on inside me, I really hope I can see myself through...