Thursday, March 05, 2009

A lot has happened since my last update but I do not even know where to begin. There have been moments which have made me happy but there are also those that fill me with a certain kind of sadness.

Although I have had quite a lot of free time to write all these shit down, I have lost the desire to express my thoughts and feelings here. I am ashamed to say that I have been distracted and have grown distant from God, yet he has continued bless me with things that are in my favour.

I thought I had found what I wanted but I have been disappointed once again. Now I do not know what I want anymore and where to go on from here. Subconsciously, my mind has blocked out most of the emotions that might bog me down so that I can keep it all together. I am glad that my previous experiences have made me strong and that really counts right now.

Apart from everything that has happened, things have been going well for me here. I am into the third phase of my training now and the steep learning curve and the overwhelming workload is starting to close in on me. It is imperative that I do not lose focus now and that I keep my shit together. I am just extremely grateful to those who have helped me all this while. With all my heart, I really love what I am doing now and I have faith it will all work out just fine.

I hope I can rise above any occasion and not be distracted along the way. I miss home very much and I miss my friends. Now that some things are not in its place, I cannot be truly happy for now. I do know that I am happy enough, though not really at peace with myself.

For now, I will be content with whatever small victories that I have. Someday, perhaps very soon, I will get the happiness I deserve.

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