That I crave routine, order and normalcy. I want none of the complications or drama in my life. I just want to feel settled... to be around. Yet, I long to abandon all the cares in the world that bog people down and just live my life as an adventure and experience it to the fullest. Where things stand at the moment, I am constantly adapting and changing, different mindsets to deal with different situations, getting used to different environments, weather and crossing timezones. My mind and body is under stress but ah what the hell lah, the best way I know how to deal with it is A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E.
I received this quote by in my email today, quite timely I must say, and I would like to share it.
'The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.'
It is a gift and a choice that we all have. If I can control my attitude, I can control my life. You know, I struggle with myself all the time but when I apply THAT to my life, things become a whole lot easier and I feel more empowerment.
I woke up with the sensation that my heart was being clenched into a tight fist. I feel moody but I know for a fact that it is not depression because I honestly have no reason to be upset. It is not fatigue because I had uninterrupted sleep and that, despite having had a busy morning, I still have loads of energy coursing through my mind and body.
I think I know why though... Spiritual starvation. Cliche as it may sound, 'soul searching' comes to mind. Material things do not interest me anymore, nor being better than everyone else. What do I want? What matters now? I do have an inkling, but maybe the answers will reveal themselves to me soon.
It is amazing how we can have a myriad of emotions in just one day. I experience a full range of feelings from the moment I am awake, to the time I finally sleep. I guess the trick is to find that intricate balance so that I don't go cuckoo one day. I am doing a pretty good job of compartmentalizing my feelings so that it doesn't spill over and affect the various aspects of my life. It is ever-changing, just like how life is. I have learnt to accept things don't stay the same always, they never do. So instead of fretting and fearing changes, I leave it all up to God. That gives me a peace of mind and hope, in the craziness of this world we live in.
I have my goals and I know how I want to lead my life. I do not hanker for more material things and more money. Enough is good. I want meaning and passion, and when I occasionally glance at the bigger picture, I see a happy and simple life.
I look at my dogs and I understand something. They are happy because their wants are simple. Shelter, food, walks and lots of love.
It must be nice.=)
A long run before my flight to Paris tonight would make me happy. I feel I have accomplished quite a bit today and now I am feeling good about myself. Yesterday I told myself I will do 5 rounds of 1km and I did. Today I will do 6. Now all I have to do is wait for the rain to stop.
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