This gonna be a short entry as i'm tired from a flight and I gotta wake up in 3 1/2 hours time...

I was sleeping in my hotel room in Sydney. I had a dream and it must have upset me quite greatly because tears were streaming down my face when I woke up for a brief moment.

Then I went back to sleep... and I can't remember what that dream was about.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

Alan Cohen

Hello all you good people, I am in one of my irritatingly pensive moods again. Being cooped up at home for the past few days is sure to drive my restless mind into overdrive. Just like my physical self, my mind can't stay idle for long.

I felt instant connection with the words of that quote when I chanced upon it. Because it describes how I have recently decided to live my life.
I have never thought of myself as a brave person. In fact, I used to be this coward who did not pursue what I could have. In truth, I was a perfectionist who could not handle the thought of failure and I hated anything i was not good at hehe;p Then came a turning point... a few actually. There must have been some that I missed for I did not realize that I was morphing into someone I never thought I could become.

It was some scary shit, living in the darkness of the prison your mind has created from the pain of past emotions and regret. It was hell. Then, one day, I suddenly woke up and started seeing life in a different light. And the dark fog that has imprisoned me, lifted. And somewhere inside me, I found courage. It defines my life and as the quote suggests, powerful changes are taking place. I like it. I am starting to like it very, very much.

I am starting to see that the temporary pain of making certain decisions might very well be worth it. But is everyone capable of seeing the bigger picture, to look far ahead? Sometimes, I honestly doubt so.

Not too long ago, I decided to do something for myself despite violent objections from my bro and mom. Hell, I did not even know if I can do it. In truth, I had to quell my mounting fears when I heard one negative thing after another. That, on top of the perennial fear residing in me all my life. Then I told myself, "Fuck it, I am gonna do it." And with that, I sealed my fate.

I kid you not. The whole process of getting off days and leave a week's stretch each time caused me a lot of anxiety. I must have been incredibly blessed coz at the eleventh hour, I got what I wanted. I rested for a week prior to the check-up and went for it, not knowing what to expect.

The doctor, (young, capable and might I add, surprisingly good-looking;p) told me confidently that he could do it. No words can express the hope that was welling up in my heart and threatening to overflow. And my dear mommy, gave me the go ahead when she saw how much I wanted it, despite all her fears. That is real courage. I love my mom...

You know, it is amazing how calm your heart becomes when you follow what it truly desires. Two days ago, my past fears were absent as the nurses attended to me. I was totally relaxed when I lay down and watched instuments approaching my eye. Trust me, that thought used to freak the living daylights out of me. But for some weird reason, I felt no fear and was remained very still. It was over in 5 minutes.

There were no post-surgery symptoms, no discomfort, dryness, nothing. In the space of that 5 minutes over 2 days, my life changed. My myopia was so severe that I was not sure I could even have LASIK surgery or get back all my vision and be a slave to wearing glasses for the rest of my life. Then I'd have to quit flying and get a ground job and that's it for me.

I was rewarded for that one brave step that I took. After 15 years of being dependent on visual aids and groping blindly for my spectacles every morning. I finally have near-perfect eyesight.

In fact I can see better than I ever did than when I had my lenses on. Can you just imagine, that exultant joy that I am feeling? The wonder of it all. I felt like I have been given a new lease of life, despite all the odds.

If you don't call that a miracle, I don't know what else to call it. It only takes one brave step to make a difference. And with that, my new life has just begun.:)

Okay guys, I know my latest obsession with Canon Rock is getting out of hand but, I bring you JerryC! He is the one who originally arranged this piece. Total respect man.



*swoons* OMG! And so totally cute! Slight differences in music between the two guitarists but this one is complete with a rocker's head-banging action. Damn style lah. I like! I like, I like, I like!

If he proposed to me with THAT, I'd marry him at the drop of a hat! Bwaahahahaha!;p Trust my bro to remark, tongue-in-cheek, "If that doesn't get you laid, I don't know what will."

My dogs are spoilt. Refusing to eat their kibbles now. I had to boil an egg for each of them and mix it with their kibbles.

And that Miko, push all the kibbles out of the bowl and ate the egg only.

TMD.

But I can't help but love the 2 darlings. Love them and their silly, sometimes annoying antics. How can I not?

:)

Was just watching the video clip of that mysterious guy playing Canon Rock again. Nabei, he is just fantabulous lah... *happy sigh* If he lived in Singapore, I'd stalk him wahahahahhaa!;p

To refresh your memory:



I made a mistake. The original composer is JerryC but this guy is not him. Thanks to Shahrin, I got the audio clip hehe:) But they are 2 different guitarists so this guy remains a mystery. I love the way he plays, every not is so clean and clear, he really has his technique down pat man. Oooh, he's my hero lah... ;) (Am I swooning again? heh heh heh)

Being a closet nerd, I have been spending my time reading. The latest book I am reading is The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. It is about how the little things can make a big difference. It has a lot of marketing elements in it. He talks about how the social dynamics in everyday occurances build up, tip, cross a threshold and create a phenomenon. It is a very interesting study on social behavior can cause a 'butterfly effect'. To illustrate that example, a single beat of a butterfly's wings can cause a typhoon in another part of the world. All complete with very strong facts on how we can unknowingly change the world.

It sends shivers down my spine. I love the complexities and intricacies of the world we live in sometimes. Opens up my eyes and look at things differently.

Tomorrow is the big day. Will blog more about that when it is all over.

If you have no expectations, you can never have a disappointment.

This is some quote I found that very much summarizes my thoughts on this entry. I realized this a long time ago... The worst kind of disappointment usually comes from the expectations you have of others. Particularly people who have made an impact in your life. If they didn't, then it wouldn't matter, would it?

This is something I myself, am guilty of. I am aware of it and I am sorry to those who have been disappointed by me at any point of time.

I place myself in their shoes and try to understand. It is a feeling that you try to ignore but that gnawing disappointment refuses to go away. But, I know very well not to hold grudges because they are often blissfully unaware.

I have grown weary. I shall just stop having all these expectations, enough I say. It is not fair to be unhappy with people who have disappointed me without realizing that I have expectations of them.

Enough I say. I'll try a different approach. From now on, I'll just allow myself to be pleasantly surprised. Heh.

It is better this way, isn't it?

Everyone, I am totally floored. Fuck, even that is an understatement.



His name is JerryC. I am so absolutely captivated by this guy that I am at a loss for words. I can just watch his fingers working the guitar strings all day.

His talent is simply phenomenal. His heartfelt rock rendition of a classic like Cannon in D by Pachebel is in my opinion, nearly flawless. Every note he plays on the guitar reverberates emotion. The chord variations, key changes towards the end, everything... sheer musical genius. He took my breath away lah and he is just a kid. What an irony...

I also know people who are just as musically talented as him. Surpasses my normal talent anytime. Life is not that fair afterall eh?

Anyhoo, I think I am in love. *swoon*

I have always been fascinated with animals ever since I was a little girl. I remember being enchanted by the Walt Disney classics such as The Lion King and Bambi so much that I could watch them over and over again and not ever get tired of it. I loved imagining myself in a small clearing and being surrounded by deers and all sorts of animals which coexist happily with one another.

On Friday, when I was in Perth, that childhood dream of mine came alive when we visited one of the wildlife parks! Oh my God, I was in absolute heaven when a motley collection of animals swarmed over to the 7 of us! And by that, I am talking about a seriously weird assortment of animals. There were lambs, sheep, the odd ram, deers (yes deers!!! OMG!!! There was even a stag mind you!), wallabies, emus, ostriches, geese, black swans and even an agressive turkey, just to name a few.

I was pleasantly surprised that they were all cohabiting good-naturedly together and extremely tame. The animals were all greedily eyeing the small bucket of dried food pellets that we had. I couldn't help smiling as I was feeding them and petting them at the same time, amused their antics.

I felt like an innocent child all over again... with no troubles in this world. I could have stayed there forever if the sun wasn't beating down so heavily. Of course, the main attraction was the koala bears but I really didn't care much for them. They are asleep 75% of the time and just not all that cute to me... ;p

The group of us then drove down to Leighton beach where we chilled at the beach and watched one of the guys kite-surf. Very impressive I must say... and it seemed to me a whole lot of dangerous fun. I even got to control the kite for awhile just for the experience, which I suspect, will probably be the only one in this lifetime heh;p

It was all so surreal... the cloudless blue sky merging seamlessly with the endless expanse of the turqoise sea. The sunset which turned the sky into myriad shades of purple was breath-taking to say the least. The night view from King's Park on the first night there also brought about a tranquility that transcended all the turbulent thoughts and emotions raging their war inside my head.

I relished in it all... The long drives, great company, conversations, not to mention the great food!:) I ate more than I should lah... Death by Chocolate, an apt name for a cake that made me feel like I have died and gone to heaven! It was a cake so rich, drenched with hot fudge and a scoop of ice-cream, that it was a sin just to look at it lol;p One mouthful of it was enough to send a wave of ecstasy through my being. I had that cake 2 nights in a row... :)

In my all my 2 years of flying, I have never had this much fun! I thoroughly enjoyed myself in Perth, all thanks to my friend and the good company I was with. Their hospitality was unrivaled and I am forever grateful for that. The gals that came with definately enjoyed themselves just as much:)

I didn't want it all to end but it did. Back to reality... But at least I'll have beautiful memories to keep for life.

:)

There is nothing quite like a good dose of heavy-duty cough syrup to send you right to bed. Today is a better day although I'm feeling drowsy from all that medication.

I don't want to talk about how I feel anymore. Not at this moment anyway. I am just going retreat into the innermost crevices of my being and fuck it, just let things be. I will have stop having expectations of people because unknowingly, some of them have let me down in more ways than one.

[*Jude: If you're reading this entry babe, I don't mean you;) In case you're wondering...]

I'll just fuck it and forgive them for it anyway since they have no clue and it is not fair for me to be unhappy with them... But when I am in a more generous and understanding mood that is. Right now, I am feeling very unreasonable. So there. Hah.

Nabei lah. Men... they just don't get it. Piss me off one by one.

Anyhoo, I am really looking forward to my trip to Perth tonight:) I have a good feeling about it. I hope I am right.

A day rife with rollercoaster emotions, productive but draining. The monthly blues, 2 weeks prior to that time of the month has made its presence known again. The day went smoothly but I was in a fucking foul mood which I didn't show. I kept it all in.

I'm feeling the discomfort of the monthly symptoms and I'm sick. It is tough shit, to keep it all together. It is fucking tough to be in control when sometimes it is just easier to be wild and let go.

I've been keeping my time occupied and spending my time with various friends for the past two days since I got back from London. Yet, I feel all alone.

Makes sense?

Delirious now... gotta sleep.