It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

Alan Cohen

Hello all you good people, I am in one of my irritatingly pensive moods again. Being cooped up at home for the past few days is sure to drive my restless mind into overdrive. Just like my physical self, my mind can't stay idle for long.

I felt instant connection with the words of that quote when I chanced upon it. Because it describes how I have recently decided to live my life.
I have never thought of myself as a brave person. In fact, I used to be this coward who did not pursue what I could have. In truth, I was a perfectionist who could not handle the thought of failure and I hated anything i was not good at hehe;p Then came a turning point... a few actually. There must have been some that I missed for I did not realize that I was morphing into someone I never thought I could become.

It was some scary shit, living in the darkness of the prison your mind has created from the pain of past emotions and regret. It was hell. Then, one day, I suddenly woke up and started seeing life in a different light. And the dark fog that has imprisoned me, lifted. And somewhere inside me, I found courage. It defines my life and as the quote suggests, powerful changes are taking place. I like it. I am starting to like it very, very much.

I am starting to see that the temporary pain of making certain decisions might very well be worth it. But is everyone capable of seeing the bigger picture, to look far ahead? Sometimes, I honestly doubt so.

Not too long ago, I decided to do something for myself despite violent objections from my bro and mom. Hell, I did not even know if I can do it. In truth, I had to quell my mounting fears when I heard one negative thing after another. That, on top of the perennial fear residing in me all my life. Then I told myself, "Fuck it, I am gonna do it." And with that, I sealed my fate.

I kid you not. The whole process of getting off days and leave a week's stretch each time caused me a lot of anxiety. I must have been incredibly blessed coz at the eleventh hour, I got what I wanted. I rested for a week prior to the check-up and went for it, not knowing what to expect.

The doctor, (young, capable and might I add, surprisingly good-looking;p) told me confidently that he could do it. No words can express the hope that was welling up in my heart and threatening to overflow. And my dear mommy, gave me the go ahead when she saw how much I wanted it, despite all her fears. That is real courage. I love my mom...

You know, it is amazing how calm your heart becomes when you follow what it truly desires. Two days ago, my past fears were absent as the nurses attended to me. I was totally relaxed when I lay down and watched instuments approaching my eye. Trust me, that thought used to freak the living daylights out of me. But for some weird reason, I felt no fear and was remained very still. It was over in 5 minutes.

There were no post-surgery symptoms, no discomfort, dryness, nothing. In the space of that 5 minutes over 2 days, my life changed. My myopia was so severe that I was not sure I could even have LASIK surgery or get back all my vision and be a slave to wearing glasses for the rest of my life. Then I'd have to quit flying and get a ground job and that's it for me.

I was rewarded for that one brave step that I took. After 15 years of being dependent on visual aids and groping blindly for my spectacles every morning. I finally have near-perfect eyesight.

In fact I can see better than I ever did than when I had my lenses on. Can you just imagine, that exultant joy that I am feeling? The wonder of it all. I felt like I have been given a new lease of life, despite all the odds.

If you don't call that a miracle, I don't know what else to call it. It only takes one brave step to make a difference. And with that, my new life has just begun.:)