I realize that by now, I must be sounding very incoherent to most people. Heh.

Over dinner today, I tried to share with my friend about whatever I wrote in my last blog entry. He did not understand. I did the same with my mom, she did not get it either. But they entertained me anyway, I have this sneaking suspicion that they just like to look at me talk.

So my friend fires back with this question. (He WAS listening afterall) What if you were to die tomorrow? Life is so short. Won't it be a pity that you don't even take this time to enjoy life?

Haha! Trying to imply that I should loosen up eh? Yep, I do agree, life is short and we should live it to the fullest.

But nabei lah! Who says I don't enjoy life? Just because I sound write cryptic entries? I think I am one of those few people who balance my life very well man. Let me bore you with some examples k.

To start off, I sleep very little, coz I just don't need to sleep that much. Consider this, 2 people, one sleeps 6 hours a day, the other 12, just for the hell of it. They are the same age and they live the same number of years. 6 hours over say, 10 years. If you think about it, the former would have done so much more with their lives compared to the latter, if factors like being born in the same year and living the same number of years are kept constant.

Back to my question, who says I do not enjoy life? I may unhappy about some things and complicate my life, but fuck, I DO NOT stop myself from enjoying.

I exercise and watch what I eat because I love having a fit body and a healthy lifestyle. I read and have conversations with people to stimulate my mind. I play the piano and sing to myself because I love music. I enjoy the times when I am with my family, and having my dogs, Miko and Nicky lie at our feet, gazing at us adoringly with trusting eyes. I enjoy keeping in close touch with my friends and having fun. I drink when I am with good company and I club because I love dancing. I do like my job for now and I cannot imagine being stuck in an office. Yada, yada, just to name a few.

Even though I have not achieved all that I want in this lifetime, I would go without regrets if I my young life is suddenly cut short. For all the despair I may feel sometimes, yes, I do enjoy my life! I see the bigger picture and the gradual comprehension of certain events that are happening, or have happened.

I realize that my unhappiness stems from spiritual starvation. That's when I start searching and questioning and getting my answers in subtle ways that I am beginning to see and understand.

Somehow, I managed to pacify my restless mind and soul, and quell the secret yearning of my heart. If I were to go, it would be with the knowledge that I have started on this spiritual journey of my life and I am on the right path.