"So young, so troubled, why think so much?" my colleague remarked when I spoke to him briefly over MSN.

He does have a point. Why do I think so much? True, I do have a choice whether I want to be happy, or not. My life is good to be honest. And I can make everyone around me, including myself, believe that I am happy with whatever I have now. I can create a nice big bubble to cocoon myself in. Afterall, ignorance is bliss.

But can we be content with whatever we have now, for the rest of our lives? Or that things will remain the same throughout?

I refuse to be lulled into that false sense of security and happiness. People change, circumstances change, everything is constantly changing. Some day that bubble will burst, and then what?

So I made my choice. I choose to think too much and continue searching, even though it complicates things, fucks me up and drives me to the depths of depression. Then you start questioning yourself amidst all the disappointment, wavering confusion and self doubt.

I have found what I wanted in life, and I just know. It is something I cannot explain, just that it feels right. It is this utmost conviction that it is part of the plan. Now I wait, because it will come to me at the right moment, one day.

Something upset me a few days back. My heart was very heavy when I went to London. I spoke to God, asking him if I am on the right path. I prayed for solace and for my heart to be at ease. I prayed for unwavering strength to keep the faith in what I strongly believe in.

When I came back from London, I received a msg on Friendster. It was from a dear friend of mine whom I have lost contact with for more than 4 years. We exchanged a few msgs and today we happened to talk on MSN.

It is more than a uncanny coincidence that we got back in touch. Our conversation left me completely mystified. For someone who is doing really well for himself, he is going through the exact same struggle and torment as I. Whatever we shared with each other, we understood immediately. It takes one to go through the same shit to truly understand. If you haven't, you can never pretend to comprehend.

We disappeared from each other's lives for years, and yet there was no gap to bridge. It was as if we were, in his words, never too far away from each other all this while. The thing that got my mind reeling was when I got the solace that I have been seeking, through him. And it stuck him hard when I said something that happens to be an answer to his question.

I am totally bewildered at everything that has been happening. Nevertheless, my mind is at peace for the moment. I know I am not alone anymore. Somehow, I am strangely comforted...

You just have to know how to read the signs...