Mixed feelings... As much as I dislike flying off again, my time overseas is really the only time I have to myself. I have a hell lot of reading and studying to do and it is only during that time that I can focus. I go to the gym and most importantly rest. It is always so hectic for me back in Singapore, and it is just about to get worse. I have many commitments to attend to and I cannot say 'fuck it' and give up like I used to. It is just not me anymore.

It is overwhelming and I am starting to feel pangs of anxiety, but yet I know now's the time to do it all. Do it when I'm young, do it when I have this strong drive and momentum. Do it all. Live life and balance my goals and my personal life. I think I am doing a good job of maximizing my time now, juggle everything. Question is, how long can I last?

You know, all I really want to do is spend my time with him, with my friends and my family. That is what I find most comfort in so I always make an effort to. It keeps me sane, keeps me grounded and they are all very important to me. Everyone tells me to take things one at a time. It is good advice and I know it very well myself. It is easy to say but yet it is so tough to follow through.

I identified with the movie The Devil Wears Prada because someday I know I will have to choose between career and my personal life. It gives me more reason to maintain that fine balance. Whatever I have planned for myself is perfect for now. If I make it, I would have no problem maintaining that balance, be contented and one day, have a family of my own. A friend told me that the picture is too perfect and he does not want to burst my bubble.

I know he means well but I told him I am not in any bubble to begin with. I know how much I will have to fight to be in that picture in the end. I know that there will be detours and disappointment and failures along the way. I do not expect my journey there to be smooth sailing. All I know is I have faith and that perfect picture is what keeps me going.

The time to make that journey is NOW. I am scared but I am hopeful, and I have many positive and supportive people around me. I hope we can all do well in our lives, together. It will all turn out well.

Gonna prepare for my flight now. Til then...