I did not need a punching bag afterall and I did not go to church today but I heard the distant chime of church bells and I felt that I was there, in spirit.
I spoke to Him in my heart, "Lord, it is just you and me..." And I began. It was a private conversation where I bared my soul. Then I felt the heaviness in my heart being lifted, replaced by a warm glow of calm that took its place.
The horrible feelings that consumed me this morning was gone and for that I am glad. I really do not want to that kind of negativity to plague me and bring me down. I simply will not allow it, I am empowered to take control of my life and I will.
At this point of time, however, I only want to be alone. There is this need to shut everyone out, but I think it will do me good. I get edgy and start putting up barriers when I feel people are trying to come into the invisable circle I have drawn around myself. It is selfish, but I think I need to focus on what is inside me, only when I am ready, then I can start giving to the world.
Don't get me wrong, I will always be there for my friends, to listen and to share, my heart is not cast in stone, I just need a recluse. If I get any unwelcomed intrusion, I'll be sure to push, and I will make sure I push hard hahahahhahaha!p
Don't mind me, just the edgy bitch talking. Gotta report for work now, with a smile of course.
2 comments:
Hey vanessa,
Know things are not going well for you now. Hey but remember those times in the past? You aren't a stranger to upsets and you have braved through many storms. Life havent always been kind to you but you have always weathered through.
Fighters don't need no consolation. They live to fight. I've always known you as a fighter.
Dont stop chasing your goals and don't let upsets keep you down too long.
Good days will come even if they dont seem to be insight but they will come. You've known this from experience right? =)
You always have your friends.
Stay strong!
Your friend =)
You know... sometimes, when I'm feeling frustrated, I would bury my face into a pillow and SCREAM real loudly... until there is no more air in my lungs. It really works.
Another silly thing I do when I'm pissed off is... errmm... I take my pillow and throw it up in the air... and then I take aim... and I kick it really hard... hahahahhaha... after a while, I cheer myself up by doing that... cuz it's so stupid, it's funny.
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