I miss my mommy...

And I called her to tell her that, for the first time in 23 years. She has gone away to Malaysia for a few days and I will not be seeing her until I come back from London on the 13th.

My friend's mother called me while I was in Jakarta, to say thank you. All I did was to agree to bring some mooncakes to her son, studying all the way in London. It was just a simple gesture on my part, but I was surprised by how grateful she sounded. Unknown to her, she touched my heart in many ways and made me realize a few things.

I thought about my own mommy... The smile on her face when I walk through the front door... Happy, when I choose to stay at home to spend some time with her, just talking... How she would suddenly not want to go to work just because I happen to be around... Her constant worrying about me... God, the emotions I am feeling right now are hard to express in words.

Especially, when it hit me that I have taken her for granted many, many times. No doubt, she can be very harsh, often driving me to tears when she puts me down... thinking that it is for my own good. I used to resent her for that, often having to use every ounce of my willpower to keep my temper in check and not lash out at her. But I do know one thing, she loves me, my younger brother and the dogs very much and has always given us the best that she can give.

She resists changes and I know deep down, it scares the hell out of her when she realizes how much I have grown up and making my own big decisions in life. I know she is fearful that I will slip, make mistakes, and live to regret forever. It is a natural instinct for her, as my mother, to protect and shelter her little girl from the 'big, bad world' out there. More often than not, it is not in my best interests.

I talked to her about it one day and she has accepted everything I had to say. I will do her proud and I will be strong for her and myself. I love my mommy very much.

I am worried about my daddy again... I need to sleep now, flying off to London tonight. God give me strength for everything I have to face, I am praying very hard but I will take it easy. Things always work out for the best.