Where do I start? I am spent although I do not feel it, yet. I seem to be running on the false illusion that I can handle the 'madness' in my life, whether welcome or not. A gazillion things are zipping through my mind at this very moment. Thoughts that seem impossible to grasp and would fleet away as soon as you try to focus on them.

So here I am, staring at the screen and trying to gather my thoughts, while getting bombarded by messages on MSN... I just know that have some feelings that I need to get off my chest before I fly off tonight.

Well-meaning people tell me not to think too much, but I do not always heed their advice. I prefer to confront my thoughts and come to a conclusion, rather then to sweep it all under the rug and pretend to be blissfully oblivious... But of course, there are also some instances where things will sort itself out, that's only when I don't come up with the answers. Anyhow. Of late, the recent events in my life have got me thinking a lot more than usual.

One night, I was chatting with a guy friend, whom I have known for a very long time, over MSN:

Me: "What do you look for in a g/f?"

Him: "She must be pretty, sexy and good in bed."

Me: "Don't her other qualities matter at all?"

Him: "Of course they do, but physical looks are my priority, the rest are secondary."

Well I don't know, but I felt a tinge of sadness. I am not going to elaborate, but some of my friends would know why.

Moving on... I got a sms on my phone from an annonymous sender the night before. The message was basically meant to slander someone, whom I happen to know briefly. At the end of the message,i was encouraged to forward it. Now what the fuck? Honestly, such shit is lame. It is not only bloody immature, but it goes to show how vindictive and undignified a person can be. It has 'sore loser' written all over...

I am not siding anyone, I just feel it takes two hands to clap. If two people want to have that kind of fun, fine, but they should already have a mutual understanding what is to be expected and what they are getting themselves into. Reality check. There is no 'happily ever after' scenario.

Sure, the fucker will get what he deserves. But it is not up to you to try and take matters into your hands and punish him. He will be punished at his own time. What bothers me is that in being the victim, why do that and end looking like a damned fool in the process? People may feel sorry for you and even for him. But they sure as hell wouldn't respect you.

Just deal with it on your own and move on, really... Learn from it.

I absolutely believe in not getting yourself into situations when you can't handle the consequences that comes with it.

Sigh... feeling that emptiness again today. I will be patient and I will hold out for the best. Pardon my French, but I am not gonna fuck myself over. I only have one life and I will live it well. This is a promise to myself.

Will miss you all. Catch some of you when I get back!