Shortlived joy seems to be the keynote of my life lately. The nitty-gritty of it all is that I simply cannot seem to talk or share my happiness with people, without jinxing it. The moment I talk about it, things start to go downhill.

Should I laugh or cry at the irony? It certainly feels like the joke's on me once again, the mother of twisted pranks galore. The scenario that springs immediately to mind is being able to have almost anything my heart desires, just that I am not supposed to talk about it.

So shit gets dumped in the garden that exists in my mind. I use it as the soil to sow seeds of goodwill, positivity, optimism and harmony. But that does that mean I am rid of all that shit? Nosiree. I simply put it to good use, nutrients to sow the seeds for my own personal growth. Different shit, different day and everytime I get another load of shit, I do the same thing.

My life has been rife with one disappointment too many. I tell myself it is ok, make peace with myself and I move on. But FUCK IT alright? It is not okay anymore. I am tired of playing nice, I am god damn sick and tired of it. My patience is wearing so thin, it is hanging by gossamer threads.

I have kept my alter ego buried for too long. The spoilt, twisted, irresponsible bitch is screaming at me to let her out. She wants to scream, cry, throw things and totally lose it. She wants to demand to have things go HER way.

But no, I will not allow myself to slip back into that kind of behavior. Not if I can help it. I will rationalize and be objective but I will not be there for convenience or to 'fill in'. Yes, a colourful and interesting life I have. However, at the end of the day, I just want to keep it simple and be fulfilled.

Is that too much to ask for?