Yesterday night, it was the heaviness of my heart and a broken spirit that lulled me into a defeated slumber. The foundations of my beliefs were shaken by the seeds of doubt that were planted in the recesses of my mind by external sources.

The harsh words had had its effect. I was told that my choices are getting from bad to worse and that I cannot seem to anything right. It was literally, a stab wound to the heart. Hurt, because I am trusted enough to make the decisions that I believe would be the best for me.

Quite abruptly, I do not know what to believe in anymore. Momentarily, I was at a loss and I did not know how to go on. I started questioning if I am really sure of what I am doing. I questioned my choices and I prayed for guidance. The few conversations that I had regarding this matter set me straight and it was comforting, knowing that there are people who care and see where I am coming from.

I do want to make her happy and proud of me. I do know that she loves me and cares about me. But when will she ever understand that she must learn to let go and trust me to live my life well and accept it? I simply cannot live my life according to her expectations, because there would be regrets at not giving something a chance, which may only come once in a lifetime. So rooted is she, in her fears and ways that she only listens to what she wants to hear, and lambasting everything else.

I wish I can share my joy, happiness and vision with her… but if she does not open up her heart, she will never be able to see. It really pains me to say this, but her influence over my decisions is not ideal. My life is really mine to lead. Yet, I love and care about her too much to disregard her and give up on her. I will just have to let things work themselves out and praying about it.

I really want to live a fulfilling and enriching life, one that is not stunted by the constraints of what is deemed acceptable by people around me. How can I truly soar to greater heights if my wings are being clipped continually? I live to be inspired and I want to find out.

A friend told that I would only be a real failure if I quit on myself. It was a reminder that put me back on track. There are a few psychological barriers that I have to be rid of and no longer will I allow small setbacks to make me feel like a failure. Sometimes, you need to experience small failures to taste greater success. These words jumped out at me today when I was reading, “Change the cause and you change the effect.” I know what I must do.

Be gone, the seeds of doubt! I will not be beaten easily.