Feeling just a tad better today, but at least it's an improvement ain't it? Not gonna just sit down here and feel sorry for myself and all. Self-pity is toxic and it poisons your mind, but I can't help not being happy about some stuff still. I am just gonna have to deal with it soon, maybe when the festive period is over and after I give it some thought til I'm sure.

So far, this Chinese New Year is one of the worst ones I remember having. I used to look forward to CNY every year, like how I used to love Christmas and long for my birthday to come. Now it becomes 'just another day'. What the hell is wrong with me? I feel it has lost all meaning for me and that it is just something customary thingie that people celebrate just for the sake of celebrating. But fuck, honestly, I do not have the festive mood whatsoever. It was the same thing too for Christmas 2004. It has just somehow lost its special meaning. Maybe because I'm always not around to spend the day with my loved ones. Maybe coz I had to work. I loved CNY. I loved to collect all the red packets and the friendly gambling with my cousins. The thrill of winning! Now it's hard to get everyone together coz we're all grown up now and instead of visting our relatives, we're off to our b/f's place or to some party or wherever. Sometimes I wonder if it is all part of growing up... just becoming more cynical, jaded and resentful.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. This is the most overrated day, EVER. I'm not saying it coz I do not have someone to spend it with... I guess I'm just so over all the lovey-dovey crap and if you're in love, you don't need a special day to prove it by paying exorbitant prices for dinner, gifts, flowers and you get my drift. However, I think it's perfect for those couples who are just starting to get to know each other and are in their honeymoon period. Oh what am I saying? I hope I feel better soon and I'm somehow, I'm glad I will be overseas on that day.

Oh SHOOT! Just remembered I have to study for a test to renew my safety license for work. *sigh* I don't hate my life but it is just not going well at the moment. Oh well...