We exchanged hurtful words again last night. They cut even deeper, coming from her especially... Surrounded by the comforting blanket of darkness, I cried my eyes out for the first time in a long while. I hate the dark, but yesterday, I was glad for it. I fucking hate to cry, because all the hurt, disappointment and painful memories that I've experienced throughout my life come flooding back.
Old wounds reopened. I guess what they say about emotional scars are true huh? Once inflicted, they are always there.
I used to be afraid to set my sights high because the crushing disappointment of failure is just too great. When I've finally mustered up enough courage to dream, I get shot down, by the very few people who are supposed to be supportive. I am grateful for all those who have been very encouraging. It made me happy for awhile at least...
Last night, some things she said made me feel that I have acheived nothing at all. But at the same time, she stops me from pursuing the only thing that gave me drive and made me feel excited and alive. Even if I go ahead, it wouldn't be the same. Because this time, it would be a half-hearted pursuit. That is not enough to succeed. I will not forget.
Life's a bitch, is it so hard to be happy?
3 comments:
Don't give up! Despite what she may have told you, you've achieved a lot, and you can achieve more. It's your dream, not hers.
It's always nice to have the moral support to help you on your way, but if the support isn't there, you just have to make it on your own two feet. Follow your heart now, or you could spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?". I know you are capable of achieving what you want. Don't let other people's doubts and prejudices take your life out of your own hands. The choice is still yours, and for what it's worth I'm behind you 100%. Chin up :).
Babe.. cheer up.. oways fight for wat u want.. oways have the never say die attitute.. dun care wat others say.. juz believe in urself.. u have achieved alot of things where some gers cant even reach.. You oways have my support.. Jia you k?
Thanks for your thoughtful words, both of you... I bear that in mind, have them firmly etched in my mind.
Your encouragement makes me smile at least. Appreciate that:) I sincerely do.
I'll be alright and back with a bang, after I get over my anger haha:) But I'll be ok. As always!
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