I have an inkling about what has been making feel so fucked up these few days. I am just simply too hard on myself. I try to do too many things at a time... juggle work, driving and piano lessons, gym sessions and then meeting up with friends. I sleep really little. My mind tells me I can handle it all but my body can't, especially so after being sick for 2 freaking weeks.

Lesson learnt, I am no superwoman. I am actually damn stressed up without feeling it or realizing it. Yesterday was a good example. My mind was not functioning and I was in a daze. I was driving really dangerously and my instructor was exasperated with me:( Can't blame him though, I kept changing gears without engaging the clutch fully and I nearly broke the gear box. Another car nearly collided with me coz I switched lanes suddenly without checking. I was mildly traumatized man but I'm over it now.

I find it especially hard to accept failure because I know that I can acheive so much if only I put in more effort. God, I need motivation... I need to get my priorities right. The onus is on me.

I don't really like the way I look most of the time. And if I don't look good, my enthusiasm and drive just plummets, almost rock bottom. And who do I have to blame? As usual, me. I eat like a god damn pig, even more than some guys. All the exercise I do is just maintaining my body but I am not losing any weight. :(

Lucky me, I got activated for for Fukuoka, Japan tonight, disrupting my flight to Adelaide tomorrow. I am not too happy because it ruined my plans. Also, I woke up at 5 am and now I have to work overnight. More damage to my brain cells, gonna become a bimbo at this rate... hehe:) I'd better not complain too much, at least the company loves me enough to make me work and it really isn't such a bad flight... my first time there too! At least I had ample notice and I don't have to paint my nails on the cab heh...

Going for dinner now... to my babes, especially Julz and Judy... I miss you all so very much! We really much meet up when our schedules aren't so crazy... *hugz*