So I did not wake up with gorgeous hair, sparking eyes and a fresh face yesterday, But it was certainly a lot better than the day before because I had 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Anyway, I still feel fugly today. (fugly = fucking ugly). As always... Something about going back to the training centre makes me feel and look pale, dull and just plain fugly. I really wonder how I got through the 4 months of training...

My so-called 'problems' now are really trivial, maybe even just a figment of my over-active imagination. Depression is so real. God, it is so damn real. I know how it is, I never want to re-visit the nightmare again. Never. It was so bad, I even entertained thoughts about the best way to end my life. No one knew how bad I was really feeling. That was the scary part. I'm glad I have become much stronger, but what if I had decided I have had enough back then?

One of my friend's friends just ended her life. I don't know that girl but I am kinda shaken because I was once contemplating the same thougts. Gone, just like that... I know everyone has different dealing capacities but I really wonder, what is a person's breaking point? The day that one decides that he/she has had enough and say 'Fuck the world, I'm gone'. Is there no light at the end of the tunnel? Fuck, it reminds us of our own mortality... How things affect us more than we really think it does.

I shall make a conscious effort to be there for all my friends whenever I can and to be nice and considerate to everyone's feelings. I will cherish what I have now...