How am I feeling? Not particularly bad, certainly not good, but hovering in between.

Detached from my emotions as of now, but I'd experience little stabs of uncertainty every now and then. What I really want out of life has started to take form, that is small comfort at least.

This thought suddenly hit me in the face recently... There are boats lined up at a harbour, waiting. I am in one boat so I can't take the rest. So one by one, they row off. When I'm finally out of this boat, the other boats have gone. Weird anology but the irony of it all, the story of my life... I really like what a friend told me, he told me that I'm still young and just wait for a ship hahahaha:) I thought that was really good advice.

Which brings to mind... fate, destiny, whatever... Do you believe in it? Do you just let things happen, go with the flow, wherever the currents take you... or do you resist it, in pursuit of something you think you might want? In retrospect, mind boggling questions... It's all about the right choices, sound decisions and more. decisions...

To everyone who was concerned about me and took the time to make me feel better, thank you... *hugz* They mean a lot... differing though valuable, pieces of advice. I can't express how appreciative I feel, of the ones who stood by me all the way... I am feeling much better now, especially when my mind takes over.

I feel like I've grown up so much in such a short time. I see the bigger picture in almost everything. I've mellowed down, become more rational and less emotional. I'm seeing everything with a new insight I've never had before... I give credit to the people around me, they have helped me grow, I learn from their wisdom and experiences but I am not influenced to the extent that I can't make my own choices.

Anyhoo, moving on from my soppy ramblings.... I came back from Christchurch last night, I felt so much better... I had a great flight, hung out with a great set of crew and basically had a fun time. Good, clean fun definately.:) My batch boy, Craig and I went horse trekking, we couldn't go Mt. Cook coz all the tours were fully booked and it was too windy for sky diving.

Horse trekking, it was an amazing, amazing experience. We were driven up into the mountains, already saw so many beautiful sights on the way up. It was breath taking... We arrived at the ranch and we were taught how to handle the horses. I got to ride on a handsome gelding (that is what they call stallions who have been castrated btw), called Robbie. Oooh, riding Robbie Williams hahahahhaha;p

We each got to ride on our own horses, there was a guide who was leading the way and we rode for 2 1/2 hours up into the mountains. It is oh so therapeutic, I felt all the cares in the world slip away... And I've always loved animals, particularly dogs and yes, horses. We rode among the moos of the cows and the bleeting of the silly sheep scattered over the mountains. It was just lovely, lovely, lovely! I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I wish I can ride horses everyday even though I am still having a sore ass now from all that riding hehehe;p I kept hugging Robbie, wish I owned him.

On a final note, I pray that I have made the best decision for my life. Hopefully, this will be a turning point for me.